Mal’s rules o’ Captainy like behavior

Author owns no rights to Firefly, and no copyright infringement is intended. Fanfic only.

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After the war, my best friend Zoe and I, we took to the black on Serenity. I found her lying in a junkyard, (Serenity, not Zoe,) and we worked long and hard to set her to rights. Hired a pilot who helped us get’er ready, and off we went.

Been doin’ it a while now. Things ain’t always been great, that’s true. We’ve had more than our fair share of trials and tribulations over the years. Been put upon by the Alliance, and thieves, con-artists, and power mad people of all walks o’ life.

I think maybe Serenity might notta been the best name for the ship, seein’ as how we ain’t had much of it, over the years. Still, bad luck to change the name and all, and truth be known, she wasn’t named for peace no way.

If’n you’re thinkin’ o’ gettin’ a boat, and workin’ the black, there’s a few things ya oughta keep in mind that might help ya along the way.

1) Never hire a mechanic that refers to a spanner as ‘that wrench thingy’.

2) Don’t rent a shuttle to a Companion. Especially is she’s as beautiful as a sunrise, and elegant and regal, and you felt a twinge o’ some kind in yer chest when she walked on board.

3) Don’t allow ship board romances. Except for the first mate, if’n she’s tough enough to kick your pi gu for ‘buttin’ inta her personal life’.

4) Don’t hire a merc ta keep him from. . . .well, on second thought, that wasn’t a bad idea. Never mind.

5) If you’re lucky enough to find a gifted mechanic, keep her happy if ya can. Ain’t no substitute for a good engineer in the black.

6) Try not to deal with people named after animals or birds. It just ain’t safe.

7) If ya got a good pilot, avoid hecklin’ him too much, as they tend to wanna make radical course adjustments when you least expect’em. Usually resultin’ in you hittin’ the deck.

8) Don’t take on passengers. It ain’t never worth the coin.

9) If you do a job, make sure you get paid. Do