She’d put them away so often, but every time got them out again. Stupid things. Why’d you ever start playing with ‘em? Some kind of reversion to childhood? She stared at the T-Rex. Maybe I should just space you. Get you out of here.

She tossed it away from her, hearing it hit the bulkhead but not looking where it fell. Every time I asked you why, you just looked at me and waggled those eyebrows. Sometimes I coulda hit you for that. Wanted to hold you down and make you tell me, only every time I tried we ended up doing something else. It was a game.

She lay back on their bed … her bed. Why does it have to take so long? Why do I still have to hurt like this? Days were easier, keeping busy, seeing Jayne didn’t break anything or anyone, least, not unless he was told to, going on jobs with Mal, getting the coin to keep flying.

But having to watch Kaylee and Simon, coming on them draped around each other, mouths locked … it opened up the wound in the centre of her chest just as painfully as if it was her body the stake had gone through.

Wash, why did you have to die?

At least they hadn’t made love on the bridge yet. Not that she was aware. That was her spot. Her and Wash’s. Mal complained so often that it smelled of sex. If only he knew. She smiled a little. If you’d known where me and Wash had coupled, the places we’d made love, you’d be tearing your hair out.

Like the time Mal and the others had gone out to that bar on Greenleaf. They’d stayed behind, giving the reason that Wash had to tweak one of the sensors that had gotten out of alignment, and she didn’t feel like drinking.

Only reason had nothing to do with it. By the time the crew had rolled back to Serenity, Wash had christened the dining room table, Simon’s medical bed, and they’d ended up climbing out of the EVA hatch on top of the Firefly to make love under the stars. Always did have a good recovery rate, husband. Just can’t recover from everything