She remembered that job, remembered That conversation. Remembered that he was afraid that their world was to rough, too harsh. Not the kind of world to bring a child into. Remembered how he didn't want to raise a child shipboard.

It had hurt her when he had said no. She had always hidden how deeply from him, not wanting him to be hurt in turn, not wanting him to give in simply because he thought it was the only way to stop her from hurting.

Even if it was.

But he must have known anyway, or he wouldn't have done this.

But she had wanted to have the child WITH him. Had wanted him there as a father, a partner a family. Like she had had.

She had grown up shipboard, and she didn't think that she had turned out too bad! And she had had her Mother and her Father and their shipmates. She'd had a wonderful childhood, why couldn't he have seen that!

Why couldn't he have made a family with her?

She had wanted it so badly.

Still did.

Still wanted him...and his child.

But to have that child without him...and knowing that were he alive that they would have no child until he felt it were safe.

Would it betray him?

Would it be fair to the child?

Would she love it for it...and not because it was a piece of him?

The world would never be safe enough. She knew that, had known it since she was six.

He had wanted their child to grow up safe and sheltered,to prevent it from learning about rage, hate, pain, death and all the horrible things that one human being could do to another first hand.

There was the risk that if she did this, that she could die a year from now or thirty years from now. That was what he had been afraid of, leaving the child alone or worse seeing their child hurt or dead by their living.

You could die anywhere from anything. She could step off the ship tomorrow and be trampled to death by a horse.

And the child wouldn't be alone.

She had always known that.

Even if he couldn't see it.

So long as any member of this crew survived their child w