They said he wasn’t smart.

That he was rude, crude and violent.

They said he was a drunk and a womanizer.

A cold-blooded killer.

A man who valued nothing but money.

Oh they prettied it up, he was a friend, family, and you made excuses for them.

Overlooked things for that.

But what and how they said something did not matter so much as what they said.

And that’s what they said.

River teased her about her attraction to Jayne and in the same breath warned her away.

Which accomplished nothing.

Zoe told her stories, things that had been said and done.

And those things were repugnant to her. Sickening.

But that didn’t change what she felt.

Inara kept telling her how much better she could do.

And so she probably could.

Kaylee, dear sweet Kaylee who loved them both just said (doubt written clearly on her face and heavy in her voice) “If that’s what you want…”

It was.

Simon asked her why, he couldn’t understand.

And she couldn’t explain.

And Mal pretended not to see it, while warning her to be careful.

She was tired of being careful.

She couldn’t quite lay her finger on when she’d fallen in love with him, when he’d become so central to her life.

But he had.

She watched him for a long time, trying to determine whether what she had been told was true or not.

It wasn’t that he wasn’t smart; he was uneducated, and uninterested in acquiring that education.

He knew what he needed to know to survive and thrive in his chosen trade, and within his trade he was a master.

Granted she found the fact that he killed for money disgusting.

But then she’d done it too so who was she to judge?

He had often asked stupid questions, made inane and stupid comments, and of all of the people on board he had the worst grammar, spoke the most cant.

All of which lead people to underestimate him, assume he was stupid.

She suspected it was all a façade, a tool he used in the trade he worked, a harsh trade that greeted failure with death.

And more and more h