On The Edge: Chapter 1
Monday, January 22, 2007
Serenity lands on a war ravaged planet, amidst objection. Written as a sequel to the movie. Pairings are cannon.
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 3942 RATING: 9.0 (PG13) SERIES: FIREFLY
Thanks for all the comments on the Prologue. I'm glad everyone seems to be excited to see where this goes.
Thanks to Tamsibling and Mal4Prez for the beta.
The Prologue can be found here http://www.fireflyfans.net/bluesun.aspx?bid=14977>; Here
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Chapter 1
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The past:
I told them the Tams were no longer a threat. Damage Done. They might listen . . .
And they did.
The Operative was wrong.
They listened, they plotted, they schemed. And, ultimately, the Tam’s weren’t the only ones on their most wanted list any more.
Such control they had over the Central Planets, the Miranda information was squashed instantly, and the crew labeled as traitors. The people believed their government. They’d never been given a reason to think otherwise.
On the Rim worlds, where Alliance control had never taken a firm foothold, even after ‘Unification’, it took very little for them to believe what the Miranda broadwave showed in vivid, disbelievingly gory detail. The people wanted more reasons to hate the Alliance, they wanted another reason to take up arms against them. . .
And they did.
The result, this time, was an even quicker, bloodier defeat.
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“Captain, I don’t think –“
“Don’t pay you to think, Simon.”
Simon took a moment to consider this. “You don’t pay me at all, captain.”
Mal rolled his eyes. “Be that as it may, I’m still the captain on this boat and what I say goes.”
“’Bout time someone else was on the spittin’ end of that increasingly bad mood,” Jayne muttered beneath his breath as he checked the various weaponry attached to his person.
Simon wasted only a cursory glare on the mercenary before returning his attention to the increasingly infuriating Captain. “You think it’s safe to land on –“
“They need help down there, Simon. I ain’t leavin’ ‘em to die.”
“So you’re going to risk the lives of everyone on this ship to –“
“Ain’t you a doctor?” Mal whirled, eyes blaz
Jayne slipped out a small firearm and caressed it lovingly. “Can I shoot ‘im?”
Zoe’s eyes slowly shifted toward Jayne, her face an expressionless mask.
“The doc! Not Mal. I ain’t stupid.”
“That’s debatable,”
LOL.
-Danny
I can guess what Joss would have done to poor Kaylee and Simon under these circumstances. I hope you're not that evil LOL.
Of course, I am quite worried about what exactly they'll find on that planet ... this obviously does not bode well.
But holy hell was the Simon-Mal argument brilliant! Definitely gotta say this was some skillful dialogue work and character development. Really says something when Mal can get Kaylee pissed at him;D
BEB
Kaynara, dear, you KNOW I'm evil. This story is also done, other than beta corrections, I don't intend to change the plotline now . . . :)
You can't take the sky from me
urgent and ominous...like the film
pinky promise not to kill anyone?
'Boy’d kept his pants zipped, we wouldn’t have this problem, now would we?'
LMAO
“Captain, I don’t think –“
“Don’t pay you to think, Simon.”
Simon took a moment to consider this. “You don’t pay me at all, captain.”
Mal rolled his eyes. “Be that as it may, I’m still the captain on this boat and what I say goes.”
“’Bout time someone else was on the spittin’ end of that increasingly bad mood,” Jayne muttered beneath his breath as he checked the various weaponry attached to his person.
---plays just like one of the best-ever episodes, Leia. You're jing zi at this and this may be your best story ever. I like that you've got mucho pages for us ready to post already, cause I'm hooked. Keep 'em coming. I even like how you "did" Jayne in this one so far. *hugs*
Loved this line-
“’Bout time someone else was on the spittin’ end of that increasingly bad mood,” Jayne muttered beneath his breath as he checked the various weaponry attached to his person.
Great Jayne!
Can't waoit for the next post!
“Don’t pay you to think, Simon.” *Great line here, I could actually see a little smirk grow on the Doc's face at the word "pay" :)
“’Bout time someone else was on the spittin’ end of that increasingly bad mood,” Jayne muttered beneath his breath as he checked the various weaponry attached to his person. *being a Jayne fan, I really enjoyed this line, you wrote him very well.
Jayne slipped out a small firearm and caressed it lovingly. “Can I shoot ‘im?”
Zoe’s eyes slowly shifted toward Jayne, her face an expressionless mask.
“The doc! Not Mal. I ain’t stupid.”*LO Frackin' L...that was a good exchange there, and spot on with voices too.
The internal gravity shifted slightly as the ship settled on the ground and the occupants in the cargo bay balanced their weight equally to keep from being jostled too badly. *Good technical description here.
Loved the verbal jousting between Mal and Simon, and Zoe's intervention was an added treat. While I have to admit I'm not a big fan of Silee, this is very interesting and I'm excited to see where its going.
I'm waiting...please continue.
Please?
No one took the threat seriously, but no one bothered to respond either."
it's funny cuz it's true!
been away a while, can't wait to catch up!
Having said that, here's the list:
1- Jayne (Did you call in a Firefly writer for his lines?)
2- Inara (Refreshingly in character, just the way I like her - and now, with pants!)
3- Mal (I don't think he would use Simon's name, but rather Doc, like he does through the show and movie, but it doesn't bother me all that much.)
4- Zoë (I debated putting her before Mal, but something in her characterization feels slightly off for me.)
5- Simon (This one is weird for me - there isn't really any cannon material that says anything to me about the way he would act after having consumated their relationship. Having said that, most of his dialogue is spiffy-good.)
6- Kaylee (She doesn't have a big part in this chapter, either, but except for her second line - "It ain't like I never..." - her dialogue and characterization feel off. I've got the same quandry here as with Simon - there's nothing cannon that implies how being pregnant with Simon's child would affect her.)
Having said that, the story-line seems interesting, and jives with my "second war" instinct (desire). :)
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