Proposition
Thursday, December 14, 2006
The crew is in a bar waiting to make a contact. It's Mal, nothing goes exactly as planned.
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 3310 RATING: 9.0 (PG) SERIES: FIREFLY
Yes, yes. It's been a long time. I've had this written for months and just never got around to posting it.
Now that Flanvention 2 (or what was SUPPOSED to be Flan 2) is done, I should have some more free time to finish a bunch of stuff that I've started.
This story is part of a prompt table I've been working on. You can find it
http://www.geocities.com/maegovannen/Firefly/69FicChallenge.html>; Here.
All the stories from it are standalones unless otherwise noted.
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45.Proposition
Simon wrinkled his nose as they walked into the dark, dusty little bar. Jayne, all smiles, sidled right up to the barkeep and ordered a drink, appreciatively eyeing one of the woman casually leaning against the counter.
The rest of the crew, minus Wash and River, found a table near the back and sat down, each eyeing the patrons and the surroundings with wary eyes.
“We’ve truly sunk to the depths of hell,” Simon muttered as he rested his hands in his lap. The table was dirty and sticky and even though he had shed his very formal clothes over the last few months, he still didn’t want his less fancy fits to be ruined by this unique little hellhole.
“Now, now, doctor, say that too loud,” Mal glanced around the doom at the unsavory patrons, unable to hide the small grin that formed at the corner of his lips, “an you might just get ‘nother hole shot into that lily-white skin.”
Kaylee gaped at the thinly veiled threat and reached down to pat Simon’s hand, bringing her own awfully close to his groin. “Aw, don’t worry none, Simon. Cap’n just mad an he’s takin’ it out on you.”
Simon bit back the retort waiting on his lips and shifted his eyes to Kaylee. It never ceased to amaze him how he could loose himself in her reassuring and confident smile. Her hand on his forearm drove him to incredible distraction and after a long moment he dropped his other hand on top of hers, smiling warmly.
“Yeah. Right then.” Mal rolled his eyes in the opposite direction, tired of th
Good on Simon for making the move, and even better on Zoe for letting him make it. But a bit of advice, doc: when you save the damsel, you get a prize. So pucker up, dumbass.
1) Simon doesn't get to take a swing. The boy had every intention of defending Kaylee's honor, I think he should have had the chance to hit the guy ... although then he probably would have ended up flat on his back and Jayne would have had to save him anyway ...
2) Kaylee and Simon DON'T kiss. Which of course, we knew would happen, but sometimes it is so frustrating to watch these two do their little dance ... I'm telling ya, would it have killed the boy to just give her a peck? Let Kaylee turn it into something more ... but at least start something!
But, it's a perfect story that accurately portrays all the characters and the Simon/Kaylee interaction as well as Simon's internal monologuing about his own hesitancy to do anything with Kaylee is absolutely spot on.
You know I love it - now, write some more!
You can't take the sky from me
Favorite line:
“Unless you’re workin’ yourself up to somethin’, doc.”
Love, love, love. Only thing that bothers me is I kinda wish Kaylee had punched the guy herself and left both Simon and Jayne staring at her open-mouthed.
And I agree with the thought that Simon would have taken a swing at the guy...though the outcome would have been debatable. Probably would have messed up his hand and ended up flat on his ass....though the eventual Kaylee attention would have been good compensation;)
BEB
LOL @ the slappin' attention getter. Nice touch. "“Findin’ our contact in this place is gonna be all manner of fun.” He slapped the table to break the younger couple’s attention and their eyes snapped away from each other toward the Captain. "
Nice, this: "His eyes followed her swaying backside as she walked,"
HEY! Why can't she be a four bit whore, at least? Jayne deserves better....
Loving the fight scene. Great description, I could just see it. "the big lug swung at Jayne, and missed, giving the mercenary a very open window to land a good solid punch to the man’s face, then his gut, dropping him to the floor."
And I don't like quite so much how you had Kaylee deal with who did what, "“Shiny, Simon.” She smiled brightly at him and his heart leapt to his throat. “Thanks for the rescue.”"
A good Silee fic, Leiasky. Not near enough Jayne, nor near enough of the Jayne I love to read about in it, but hey. It's the difference between good Silee and GREAT Jaylee.
Nice work on a good tale, Lady!
No sequel, EmpireX, sorry. This was a one-off.
Second, of course Jayne would go for the rescue, but is he that inattentive?
He didn't know the description of the contact?...hmmmmm dumbass Jayne as usual :)
Third, yeah, let Simon break his hand on the next hundan, then have Kaylee berate him for hurtin' his hands if they needed medical attention, LOL.
Still as always, great work from you, Leia!
Sequel, sequel, sequel!!!
And that ending had me in stiches.
Sequel!
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