The characters herein are the sole property of Joss Whedon or whoever else has his express permission to use them. This writing is not a for profit venture. The characters not of Joss’ creation are mine and I can do any darned thing I want with them. Nyer Nyer!

Scene 1:

(Kitchen. Mal is heading for the Bridge, Jayne following him. Not whining, but coming awfully close.)

JAYNE: Aw, c’mon, I only winged her.

MAL: You shouldn’t’ve shot her at all.

JAYNE: She fired first!

MAL: She missed.

JAYNE: Yeah, well?

MAL: We startled ‘em, was all. They hadn’t gotten word we were coming.

JAYNE: How’s that my fault?

MAL: It isn’t. But by rights the damage should come out of your share. Only reason it’s not is because Shanty’d give me the hairy eyeball.

JAYNE: You’re whupped.

MAL: Could change my mind to prove a point.

JAYNE: Whupped is good. Let’s hear it for whuppedness! Hoo - ray.

MAL: Just you remember that. Go check the cargo. We’ll be landing soon. Don’t want anything left unsecured.

JAYNE: Gorram moon calf likes to break atmo all topsy turvy. Ever think about getting a new pilot?

MAL: She is new. Could maybe trade in an old merc, though.

JAYNE: I meant additional. ‘Sides, I ain’t old yet.

MAL: Not to fret, you’ll get yourself shot first. Go secure the load.

Scene 2:

(Bridge. River is grinning, the lights of the flames outside playing across her face.)

MAL: (Entering) Would you mind terribly putting my ship backside up ‘fore we all lose that lunch your brother made?

RIVER: You’ll miss it?

MAL: Just we worked so hard to get it down is all. Kind of a waste of effort, like.

RIVER: No fun. (Moves to execute maneuver)

MAL: Nope, Captain. (hits com quickly) This is the captain, Strap in! (cuts com)

RIVER: 4..3..2..1..(they spin abruptly then stop)

MAL: (over maneuver) Nnnggghh! Uff Da. (Hits com) This is the captain again. Please report in if you’re unconscious. (cuts com) Next time do that before you start the burn, dong ma ? My ship isn’t a toy.

RIVER: No