This is a work of fan fiction, any resemblance to the work of others is purely intentional and largely coincidental. Nobody's getting paid for this. The characters that are not mine are someone else's. Please don't sue.

Flying The Coop

**********

(Copia. Farmhouse. Spare room. Someone’s in labor, and it isn’t Jayne. Simon is attending to matters at hand, Mal is at Jazmine’s head distracting her through annoyance.)

MAL: “Plenty of virtues to choose from.”

JAZ: (through one last push) “I am not naming my child Thrift. (breathing in relief) How do you feel about Patience?”

MAL: “That ain’t funny.” (over first cry)

SIMON: “I’m sorry to interrupt, but perhaps you should refocus your efforts slightly.”

MAL: “ Sheh meh? ”

SIMON: “It’s just that he might not appreciate being named Chastity.”

MAL: “You mean it’s a boy?”

SIMON: “Would you care for a second opinion?”

JAZ: “Oh look, he’s got your..!”

MAL: “Thought you said you couldn’t tell before. How’d you miss that?”

SIMON: “He never seemed to share your penchant for mooning.”

MAL: “Well, how ‘bout Fidelity then?”

JAZ: “I would like to take this moment to remind you of your pet mercenary.”

MAL: “Point. We could name him after your father.”

JAZ: “But I don’t like the name Ezra.”

MAL: “You never said that was his name.”

JAZ: “It’s a measure of my dislike.”

MAL: “That don’t seem too respectful.”

JAZ: “Papa hated it too, made everybody call him Jim.”

MAL: “Huh. Jim. Had a ranch hand named Jim once. Not too bad a feller. Wasn’t short for James though, Jiminy as I recall. He didn’t like it much either.”

JAZ: “Should’ve called him Ez.”

(Simon puts the bundle on Jazmine’s belly and returns to work)

MAL: “James ain’t bad.”

JAZ: “Two Jims could get confusing. What about Seamus?”

MAL: “Little old fashioned. Not bad though. Seamus Reynolds. How’s ‘bout Seamus Ezra so’s he knows when you’re fit to boil over.”

JAZ: “It’s hard to believe right now that I could ever possibly yell at him.”

MAL: “Plum amazing how fast that we