Blue Sun Room FICTION - GENERAL

Brain for a Day - part 2 of 5 (teleplay format)

Monday, May 22, 2006

Jayne is very angry at River...until she gets angry at him. And the rest of the crew. How it ends will be far stranger than how it began.

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 3200    RATING: 9.0 (PG13)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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ACT ONE

INT. SERENITY - CONTINUOUS

The crew continues to surround River, who looks like a cornered animal. She still has her fist clenched, which is covered in Jayne and Simon’s blood.

MAL

(aside to Zoe)

"Okay, what do we do?"

ZOE

"I was going to ask you--"

Jayne recovers and roars over to River, his intentions apparent. Like a robot, River delivers a series of punches, elbows, and kicks sending Jayne to the floor.

ZOE

"Plan B?"

MAL

"Talk to her!"

ZOE

(reaction from Zoe, then)

"River. Honey. We’re not going to hurt you."

CUT BACK TO:

INT. FIELD - CONTINUOUS

The Zoe-creature puts her hands up. We see her black nails writhe in and out like ten snakes on her blue hands. A horrible hissing noise is coming from her mouth.

River backs away, doing her best to contain a scream as the Mal-creature closes in slowly with his hands up. Other than his white eyes and blue hands he looks normal until--He opens his mouth and an acidic venom shoots out hitting River in the face.

With a scream she uppercuts Mal and he lands several feet away on his back.

The thunderstorm has begun now, and we see several spikes of lightning tear through the sky, getting closer and closer. Out of sheer desperation, River grabs one.

CUT BACK TO:

INT. SERENITY CARGO BAY - CONTINUOUS

Mal is just sitting up as we hear a metal scraping sound. The whole crew turns to see... River with a long blade from Jayne’s weapons. She holds it in her hands for a second, looks to Mal, then rushes in like a banshee. She’s moving so fast Mal barely has time to put his hands up as River’s blade comes down in a deadly arc--

CUT BACK TO:

INT. FIELD - CONTINUOUS

--and is stopped by another blade. Turning, River sees a creature holding a similar blade to River’s. It is the Inara-creature and it is by

Comments
Monday, 22 May 2006 19:18
Ummm... okay... hasn't she still GOT her sanity? Was that the popint, cuz I'm a mite confused, as it seems shes gotten even MORE crazy. Not that I'm against crazy. I hope you know where your goin' with this, cuz I don't. But, still, shiny.

-Danny
Monday, 22 May 2006 20:03
I like how this is going so far. Nice intercuts. Keep writing!
Monday, 22 May 2006 20:35
River is crazy! Can't wait to see where you take this.
Tuesday, 23 May 2006 01:30
This is great can't wait for more.
Tuesday, 23 May 2006 05:21
Actually...I am thinking River just got one hell of a friggin' reboot to her CPU, cuz she's acting more like she would have had she never left for the Academy.....

This is some might angsty and nutty stuff here, LFabry....and I can't wait for part 3!

BEB
Wednesday, 24 May 2006 23:08
I'm liking this story, and I like the scripting, ans scene set-up prompts. I saw this play out really well. In my mind.

Turning, River sees a creature holding a similar blade to River’s. It is the Inara-creature and it is by far the most grotesque. Dressed in slimy black garb, she is covered in warts, and her face is contorted beyond human. *ehttp://www....I Inara with warts!!!*

We see Jayne stuffing his face full of food. On closer inspection we see the shelf he’s pulling food from is marked “River.” *so perfect, very similar when the crew had to leave them behind on "Safe", now, he's eating her food because he thinks she's dead...That is Jayne, good job*

Thursday, 25 May 2006 20:59
must...do...sequel....

Ask and ye shall receive! Hopefully, by the time we're paying June rent (doesn't that suck?) we will have a conclusion!
Tuesday, 30 May 2006 19:35
I like how Jayne gets his revenge by eating Rivers food... off to part three now

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