Rabbi says Joss Whedon slays horny vampyre jews
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UPDATED: Friday, September 2, 2011 23:17
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Antipreacher Nathan with evil jewess Buffy the vampyre sleeper
Why Jews are like Vampires
Rosh Hashanah (New Year) 5770 (September 19-20, 2009) Sermon
By Rabbi Mark Blazer
So I am talking with my young friend Hannah Elzer, who is having her Bat Mitzvah in a few weeks. And we’re talking about her big day, Judaism, being Bat Mitzvah. And Hannah, like most 12 to 15 year old human girls, doesn’t really want to be 12-15 years old. And for that matter she would rather not even be human.
Let me explain that. It’s not that teenagers are like some non-human species, though it seems that way to us parents. No it’s that most teenagers today would really rather be vampires. And if not vampires themselves, at least dating a vampire.
Yes, it is undeniable that teenagers, and judging by our viewing and reading habits, most adults, have gone vampire crazy the last couple of years.
The Twilight series and HBO’s True Blood are two of the most popular representatives of this genre, but there are literally dozens of bestselling books, other television shows and movies coming soon, or in development.
Its not like vampires have ever gone away. There never seems to be a period when they weren’t around, there was their nemesis Buffy just a few years ago, Anne Rice’s Lestat and friends, a new incarnation of Bram Stoker’s Dracula nearly every decade.
And who can forget our friends Count Chocula, the Count on Sesame Street. But these last few years the vampires are everywhere and they are out every night, and even during the day, if they live up in cloudy parts of Washington State.
Vampires are beyond cool. Yes, Vampires have always been exotic and romantic, sometimes pitied, but always feared. But not anymore, not in their current phase. Now they are accepted, open about their lifestyle and highly sought after as love interests.
So nu, rabbi what does that have to do with us yiddin. You talked about Star Trek a couple of years ago, and now with the vampires.
But I bet some of you figured it out already. As I told my young friend Hannah, you and I, my fellow Jews, are vampires. Now don’t be scared, let me explain. Vampires since their introduction in gothic literature have always been non-Jewish fantasies on what Jews are. The most obvious aspect is that Jews were often seen as a dark exotic tribe feeding on the energy of the gentile populace. There were serious charges of blood libel, of using gentile blood for Passover matzah, that resulted in the real murder of Jews throughout the middle ages, and even as recently as 19th century Syria. Jews were often called “bloodsuckers” by their neighbors.
And further look at what weapons were used against the vampire, crosses and holy water. The imagined amulets that a Jew would be repelled by. And the vampires were destroyed by holy warriors like Van Helsing, doing the holy work of Christendom.
So the most amazing thing about this new gestation of vampirism, is that no longer secretly feared, the vampire is now openly loved. Edward Cullen and Bill Compton are to die for, quite literally. They are hot. Right ladies. And today the human characters in these tales willingly embrace and join the ranks of the tribe.
And doesn’t this mirror the state of being Jewish in 21st century America?
We are accepted, open about our lifestyle and highly sought after as love interests. Just look at the hundreds of thousands of converts, and those who haven’t formally converted, but who share this exotic and passionate ways currently.
We live in a world where our gentile neighbors have finally realized that Judaism has something exciting to give back to the world. Which is why humans are feeding on vampires in True Blood. But these, friends, are only part of why I believe that we Jews are vampires, metaphorically speaking. Consistent througho
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