Rewriting Shindig

POSTED BY: DMI
UPDATED: Wednesday, February 18, 2009 12:25
VIEWED: 21001
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DMI

Monday, January 26, 2009 7:07 PM

I want to start out by saying that I love Firefly and Serenity and I'm a huge Browncoat. I don't want it to seem as though I'm nit-picking simply because we've only got a few episodes and I know I tend to watch them over and over again. If anything I think that attests to the quality of this show. However, with that said, I have always felt a little weird about the episode "Shindig." I like it well enough and even though it is different from other episodes what with the ball and the sword fight and all, something never sat right with me.

As a watched it with my girlfriend recently, both of us are creative writing majors at FSU and, we started talking about it and I think I figured it out. The problems, no offense to Espenson whose obviously made it farther in the industry than I have, are in the writing.

I typed this all up and it was way too long so this is me condensing it.

Problems with Shindig:
1)Subplot between Capt and Kaylee isn't sufficiently resolved with him buying her a dress and afterward is just dropped
2)Sir Warrick and the old man who comes to Kaylee's rescue are very similar characters that crowd the set
3)The two above reasons along with a scattering of scenes about what the crew is doing back home make the plot seem scattered
4)(This one is just a minor hole) The Captain wouldn't walk away from making a deal with Warrick to dance with Inara and piss off her date. The job always comes first with him.

I think I have a solution that would make the entire episode flow better, tightening the narrative and strengthen the Kaylee subplot.
1) The capt insults Kaylee in a way that not only implies she can't dress up fancy but that her job is only as a mechanic and isn't a real part of the business.
2)Combine Sir Warrick and the old man into one character. They blend together a little already because they both have a mild distaste for the snooty super-rich around them, but the old man is more likable because he saves Kaylee and has better lines. This way Kaylee is the one who actually makes the contact for the deal and is playing a crucial role in the business while Mal is off goofing around with Inara. Plus (and Espenson couldn't have known this) the old man just came off as a stronger and better character than the fat guy with the sash. This would also plug the plot hole of number four listed above because Mal wouldn't be abandoning his work.

I think this would do it without having to cut any of the great scenes back at Firefly, particularly River interacting with Badger and the post-sex scene between Wash and Zoey. Thats all great classic stuff and if something had to be cut or shortened, I'd vote for the poker game.
-e

A blog on the struggles of an unpublished writer: http://www.blogiversity.org/blogs/dmi/default.aspx

AGENTROUKA

Monday, January 26, 2009 7:38 PM

I dunno. If I were to rewrite that episode, my first concern would be Cardboard!Ath. Now that was some unimaginative writing.

Instead of making him plain stupid-bad, I'd let him stay charming, intelligent and sort of interesting. His conflict with Mal could be more involved, instead of Ath insulting Inara, maybe he guesses that Mal doesn't really belong at that party, Mal insults Ath because he's rich and Alliance, Ath insults the Independents because he lost family in the war, Mal hits him, Inara is in the middle of the mess and - tadaa, duel without a cardboard character.

If Ath isn't a completely moronic villain during the duel, it would give additional depth to Inara distracting him to save Mal. And instead of hurling insults at Inara, Ath could prophesy that a browncoat like Mal would only end up hurting her - a foreshadowing to HOG.

Just... something better than they gave us there.

Quote:
1) The capt insults Kaylee in a way that not only implies she can't dress up fancy but that her job is only as a mechanic and isn't a real part of the business.

But her being the mechanic is her part of the business. Where is the separation and how would it be an insult? Kaylee isn't really involved in the shady dealings aspect, she keeps Serenity running or assists with technical things.
And it would be strange to make Kaylee the contact for the job with Warrick, when they are only at the party because Badger thinks Mal would blend in there.

DMI

Monday, January 26, 2009 7:50 PM

Yea, Ath was a lame villian but I blame that in part on the guys acting. My point with Kaylee being the contact is that it sort of happens on accident. The old guy still comes to her rescue it just so happens he's the guy they're there to meet. What I was trying to do with that was cut unnecessary characters. As for Kaylee only being a mechanic, it seems to me that one of the points of the first season was that slowly everyone gets more involved in the business. Simon impersonates a buyer when they get to Canton, Inara helps dupe Yosafbrig in "Trash" and wants to help sell the stolen goods later on and even gets the crew a job in HOG, Book helps with the cattle and to bust out Mal from Niska and by the movie River is helping out with jobs.
-e

A blog on the struggles of an unpublished writer: http://www.blogiversity.org/blogs/dmi/default.aspx

JOSSISAGOD

Monday, January 26, 2009 9:03 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by DMI:
The old guy still comes to her rescue it just so happens he's the guy they're there to meet.

I REALLY hate to point this out, but, the guy that saves kaylee from Banning, isn't Harrow, Harrow's rounder, the older gentleman that saves kaylee looks like he's a sack of skin filled with bones.

no reponse required,

Fe'nos Tol
JOSSIS(Most Definitely)AGOD

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DMI

Monday, January 26, 2009 9:10 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by jossisagod:
Quote:
Originally posted by DMI:
The old guy still comes to her rescue it just so happens he's the guy they're there to meet.

I REALLY hate to point this out, but, the guy that saves kaylee from Banning, isn't Harrow, Harrow's rounder, the older gentleman that saves kaylee looks like he's a sack of skin filled with bones.

You are so brilliant I could cry.
-e

A blog on the struggles of an unpublished writer: http://www.blogiversity.org/blogs/dmi/default.aspx

BYTEMITE

Monday, January 26, 2009 9:23 PM

*Cough*

I think that was kind of DMI's point, there doesn't need to be two gentlemen.

And I agree, somewhat, combining them would make a stronger minor character and make it easier to follow, rather than the two things happening at the same time... Although one of the "aw, adorable!" parts of the episode is Kaylee with all the boys gathered around her to hear her mechanical know-how. And I'm not sure how the duel challenge punching business could occur with her stealing the scene that way. I would choose to keep both in the episode, which kind of necessitates two gentlemen. Unless you were to somehow work everything in to one conversation.

But I do definitely agree with Mal going off to dance with Inara and snubbing both Atherton and Harrow. The dance should probably happen before he makes the contact. Then when Inara and Atherton go to greet Harrow, and Mal's there, it's social obligation (and possibly spite on Atherton's part) until civility jumps out the window.

And Atherton IS kind of one-dimensional...

DMI

Monday, January 26, 2009 9:56 PM

Thanks bytemite.

I think you could keep Kaylee talking to the boys in the episode and still have everything work out. Mal asks Inara to dance and pisses off Ath while Kaylee interacts with the old man and the boys and when Mal punches Ath out and interrupts the party, Kaylee and the old guy come over and ta-da! I think its do able.

As for Ath, they can't all be winners. I'll have to think a little more about how to make him a better character.
-e

A blog on the struggles of an unpublished writer: http://www.blogiversity.org/blogs/dmi/default.aspx

AGENTROUKA

Monday, January 26, 2009 9:58 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by DMI:
As for Kaylee only being a mechanic, it seems to me that one of the points of the first season was that slowly everyone gets more involved in the business. Simon impersonates a buyer when they get to Canton, Inara helps dupe Yosafbrig in "Trash" and wants to help sell the stolen goods later on and even gets the crew a job in HOG, Book helps with the cattle and to bust out Mal from Niska and by the movie River is helping out with jobs.
-e

But the thing is, River, Simon, Book and Inara are outsiders of a sort. The first three because they only arrive in the pilot eppy, Inara because she is a paying passenger. They do not have defined jobs on the ship, aside from Simon's. Simon and River help out with the "business" because they have special skills and because there is only so much doctoring Simon can do. Book is merely accompanying Mal on the cattle job, so he is never actually part of a heist. He just watches, or assists in an emergency. And Inara's little stint was hardly the beginning of a habit and more likely something personal - because it was Saffron.

Kaylee is a part of every job already through her care for Serenity and technical details. I don't see the "only the mechanic" angle you are going for. Do you think her job means less than the contact with clients and other criminals? Mal, Zoe and Jayne do the business. Everyone else is support or passenger.

Trying to pull Kaylee into the business angle doesn't really make much sense because she has a job already. And she's not really a tough and scary person. If there is a job where her expertise would help, I'm sure they would bring her along.

DMI

Monday, January 26, 2009 10:05 PM

Its not an angle I believe. I think Kaylee has an obvious role in the ship's business, but Mal might mention it when he is mad at her to heighten the tension between them. Maybe it isn't needed and insulting her appearance and lower class status is all that is needed, but I do think that Wash experiences this need to be a greater part of the business in the pilot Serenity when Jayne insults "the risky sittin'" he did and in War Stories when he insists on going on the deal with Mal. I think Mal could say as little as "...you'd be like a sheep walking on its hind legs. You keep to the engine room, that's what I pay you for."

I really hope I didn't offend you. I wasn't trying to imply that Kaylee doesn't do enough in the show.
-e

A blog on the struggles of an unpublished writer: http://www.blogiversity.org/blogs/dmi/default.aspx

THESOMNAMBULIST

Monday, January 26, 2009 10:14 PM

DMI.

Interesting points. I never really felt Shindig had those problems you mention, but now you've highlighted them I see how it can be bothersome to folk. My only gripe with Shindig is that there is not nearly enough interaction between Mal and Inara, especailly as they are alone at one point, and without the crew to pry aswell! Missed opportunity. I'd have settled for another couple of scenes between them easy!

Y'know looking back on it - they should have kissed in this episode.

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