Worst of the Worst - Contribute to The Most Awful Fic Ever Written
POSTED BY: jetflair
UPDATED: Friday, February 17, 2012 18:36
VIEWED: 87562
PAGE 16 of 22
The filk song IS what I'm talking about. Listen to it and you'll see what I mean. The song's hilarious, and so's his other work.
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wash comes back (again again) as the First evil - no/one can touch him - 'cept his special blue gloves.
in a cheery fluffly comic scene Jayne - bravely trying to save the crew - snatches the gloves - and is transformed into a helpless cleaning lady - but so cute (natch) - in fact his new found charm and cha making abilities render the impending crisis of River's ALIEN BIRTH fairly trivial - and at least as Jayne himself says "Hell, i aint responsible for THAT one."
Mal (now written by wytchcroft) begins to talk only in patois - or is that pastiche? -
known as GALACTIC or gibberese:
"Now you be holding up your horses there son - catching at my attentionalising an all - i know things aint so shiny but we gotta keep focussome aboout the 'verse an all ok? fine. Shiny. Again. Gorram - well, maybe - etc etc"
ah, i feel better now - off to caleb's room. I CAN TAKE MY PUNISHMENT LIKE A WYTCH.
well now, let's be testin' that theory a yours l'il wytch...
gulp!
n.b. events recurr and are posted MANY TIMES in a row
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Quote:
Originally posted by singate:
Inara used to be a man.
On that note:
Jayne gets man boobs.
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I'm not sure if this has come up yet (The list is too gorram long to read before midnight), but here's a few:
Wash comes back as a zombie
ZOMBIE HORDE!!!
Godzilla
Rodan
All those other monster folk
Simon dieing heroically at the climax for Kaylee/River
Mal """" for Inara/Zoe
Any crew member """" Badger/ any OTHER crew member
Reformed Reavers (Yes, I am guilty of this)
Random songs from the twenty-first century appearing (Again, guilty as charged 
)
Jayne, a whore, an empty room, silence.
Inara going ape-shit crazy on the world in general (Although, admittedly, entertaining)
-Danny
We move for all mankind,
A million miles from everything we've ever know...
We're on their hearts and minds,
A million heads are bowed to bring us safely home...
Hemmed in by emptiness,
A million ways that everything could be undone...
THRICE RULES!!!!!!!!!
http://www.myspace.com/otherrandomdude
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"GORRAM it!" His mighty boots stamping into the muddy earth JAYNE COBB swept up the shaking and imbecilic form of Malcolm Reynolds. "I - I'm sorry..." croaked Mal feebly.
"Now don't you worry yerself none." said jayne, "you 're in my hands now. you gotta wife to get home to, i'm gonna make gorram sure you do."
The explosions were closing in. And there were reavers too!
"Grenade!" Yelled Jayne reaching into his backpack (while the narrator loving detailed its specifications, instructions on use and how to purchase on-line).
There was a satisfying bang and the sound of dead Reavers!
"Grenade!" Whooped Jayne again - this time there was a softer PLOP!
"Ah hell, that wern't no grenade... that were Jayne Jr the Nineth!"
"I won't tell..." smiled the grateful Mal.
Jayne scowled "Yeh but River can read minds!"
"You aint got one Jayne"
"Hell, that's right!"
Gleefully he began throwing babies with wicked accuracy at the nasty Reavers. The reavers began to RUN!
"Hmm - think this one mighta been monty's anyhow..." said Jayne hurling the bearded baby dead eye into a swarthy reaver face. "Never did trust Inara."
"No no - that was one of mine - but go right ahead." smiled the grateful Captain.
Last up was a blue eyed, golden haired little dum-dum. "hmmm - one of Wash's..." said Jayyne, "I should keep you for sentimental reasons, i'm sensitive like that..." he hurled the armour piercing child into the ragged ranks of surviving reavers.
"But Zoe never forgave River sleeping with you Wash - and besides we all know YOU AINT DEAD!"
meanwhile in Serenity, Simon was curing a tribble like epidemic of space hero babies with a large hyperdemic and a heart full of LOVE.
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Pt 2 (of 750)
pausing only to have another child, River gazed adoringly at the ranks of karate stanced infants beside her. She especially liked the cutesome grey haired trippplets Mag, Zine and Hardback - souvenirs of her meaningful spritual tryst with the avatar spirit of Shepherd Thingy called down to her one hot and stuffy night (tho it might have been simon in a play suit, he was such a joker!).
suddenly her eyes turned inwards - her voice seemed bigger and a bit scary (but not too much ok).
"I see dead people... no wait - I relive days... no wait - once in every generation... no wait - you are the ooze that eats itself... um, lotta static today."
Still, it was time for school and jayne would be furious if the littluns weren't there on time.
Pausing only to have another child ("Wotcha!" it said with the usual Tam precocity. Hmm... have to get that one a hat...) she armed herself with a big gun and a short dress - dashed from the shuttle and began to kick the crap out of the waiting queue of parents.
"Out my ruttin way!" she yelled. "I'm a force of a nature - no, wait... the Truth is Out There... no, wait..."
by which time the karate children had stolen the shuttle and headed for the red light planet of SoHomeworld. "Hell we wanna par-tey!!" they gurgled merrily. "We's Cobb chillun GORRAM it!" they burped.
then - in a sudden but inevitable betrayal - they all put on blue gloves and did the oompa lumpa dance.
"what's... we can't - Dumpitty Do..."
And it was true - the pre-programmed shuttle had taken them into the very worst of crossover hells and it looked like they were DOOMED to spend eternity working for the Willy Wonka Corporation...
but - alas... it all ends happily of course.
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Wow, that's really bad... I mean good of course 
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pausing to only have another child, River....
Wytchcroft, that transition alone tells me you are one twisted mother of a writer. I frackin can't stop laughing.
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thanks!
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Were you serious about the Pg2(out of 750) thing? If you were, could I get a beta, or are they in the blue sun room?
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