TOP TEN QUESTIONS POLLSTERS REALLY SHOULD ASK

POSTED BY: misbehaven
UPDATED: Thursday, October 12, 2006 21:08
VIEWED: 4868
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MISBEHAVEN

Monday, October 9, 2006 8:07 PM

By Don Davis: www.satiricalpolitical.com

Is there anything more maddening than those senseless and superficial poll questions, that are guaranteed to elicit responses that are not only misleading, but skewed to the right? Well, here’s a suggested Top Ten list of poll questions that would really tell it like it is:

10. If your own son was drafted to serve in Iraq, would you favor “cut and run,” or “sprint like Willie Horton being chased by the Klan?”

9. If Bush required you to pay more taxes to finance the Iraqi war, which timetable for withdrawal would you support: 3 to 5 years, or the 6:44 out of Fallujah?

8. Would you back Bush’s warrantless spying on international communications, if he was monitoring your phone-sex calls to Hot Nymphs in the Netherlands?

7. How would you feel about prayer in the schools — if Muslims just obtained a majority on your local school board?

6. Should the schools also teach the theory of Intelligent Design, even though it’s likely that, as with most designers, this one was also gay?

5. Would you vote to ban abortion, if you just found out your teenage daughter got knocked up by the Mexican gardener?

4. Would you still favor public posting of The Ten Commandments, even if it’s interpreted to ban the worship of American Idol?

3. If your job and benefits get outsourced to Bangalore, would you still consider national health insurance a communist plot?

2. Would you still be anti-union, after your supervisor at Wal-Mart limits you to one bathroom trip per day, and you have to pay for your own toilet paper?

1. Would habeas corpus seem a bit more important to you after you fall asleep in the tanning bed, and get mistaken for one of Osama’s five dozen “No. 2’s.”

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
-Hunter S. Thompson

CAUSAL

Monday, October 9, 2006 8:15 PM

Interesting questions, and I totally see where he's trying to lead a buddy, but I still disagreed with half the things I'm supposed to think on the basis of his poll.

________________________________________________________________________
Grand High Poobah of the Mythical Land of Iowa, and Keeper of State Secrets

KANEMAN

Monday, October 9, 2006 8:27 PM

Wow, talk about a loaded poll. Thank the heavens you don't work for Gallup. Is that an agenda hanging out of your mouth? You may need new material for thread starting, your stuff is getting as stale as the cigar Monica Lewinsky sat on.....Well, it's true........

CAUSAL

Monday, October 9, 2006 9:57 PM

Just for the fun of it

10. If your own son was drafted to serve in Iraq, would you favor “cut and run,” or “sprint like Willie Horton being chased by the Klan?”

Neither (and I'd just like to point out that this question assumes that a child's being drafted necessarily entails opposition to the war, which I'm not sure is justified). In any event, being that there isn't a draft I believe this is a moot question. But even if we grant that there was one, I think that it's a citizen's duty to serve his government (including military service, if deemed necessary) as a beneficiary of the protections that government affords. So I would pack him off to the induction center, go home, hit my knees, and pray like crazy.

9. If Bush required you to pay more taxes to finance the Iraqi war, which timetable for withdrawal would you support: 3 to 5 years, or the 6:44 out of Fallujah?

Again, note the the question is set up such that higher taxes entails support for a time table, which isn't justified, necessarily. I'm personally opposed to the notion of fixing a time table (but I'm not going to get into that here for fear of the flames). And if the government wants more money, well, then, I'll render unto Caesar.

8. Would you back Bush’s warrantless spying on international communications, if he was monitoring your phone-sex calls to Hot Nymphs in the Netherlands?

I'm actually opposed to the warrantless eavesdropping program; but because I'm not a phone-sex customer, it's on somewhat different grounds.

7. How would you feel about prayer in the schools — if Muslims just obtained a majority on your local school board?

Prayers being said in school? Fine with me. Prayers being compulsory in schools? No way, I don't care whose god is being prayed to. That said, if some kid wants to have a Bible club or pray before lunch, more power to him. Just as long as he's not made to. Establishment Clause, people! It's meant to prevent the government from setting up a state sponsored religion, not to eradicate religious expression from public places.

6. Should the schools also teach the theory of Intelligent Design, even though it’s likely that, as with most designers, this one was also gay?

Well, I'll go ahead and ignore that blatant insult. I don't support teaching ID as science because it clearly isn't. It's not a cosmogonical account, nor a scientific theory, in the strictest sense. ID, strictly speaking, doesn't deny that evolution took place; just that it didn't take place randomly (at least that's my read on it). So I have no problem with a teacher saying, "Some people believe this happened at random; some don't. Go decide for yourself."

5. Would you vote to ban abortion, if you just found out your teenage daughter got knocked up by the Mexican gardener?

Yes.

4. Would you still favor public posting of The Ten Commandments, even if it’s interpreted to ban the worship of American Idol?

I would especially be in favor of it if it meant getting rid of American Idol. Bloody stupid show.

In all seriousness, there's some historical value in the decalogue in terms of their being an ancient formulation of laws (and, arguably, a source that was drawn on for the formulation of our own). But you better be careful how you display them, because there's that whole Establishment Clause.

3. If your job and benefits get outsourced to Bangalore, would you still consider national health insurance a communist plot?

Well, this commits the straw man fallacy ( http://www.fallacyfiles.org/strawman.html), so I'm tempted to just move along. I'll ignore the communist plot business and the outsourcing business and say that I'm opposed to national health care because I think it'll be run just like every other government agency: shoddily and inefficiently.

2. Would you still be anti-union, after your supervisor at Wal-Mart limits you to one bathroom trip per day, and you have to pay for your own toilet paper?

But-

MISBEHAVEN

Monday, October 9, 2006 10:09 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by kaneman:
Wow, talk about a loaded poll.

Obviously you didn't notice the link: satiricalpolitical.com

Satire is the use of irony, ridicule, and sarcasm to expose folly. That means it's a joke.

A dog can't tell a Nazi from a Republican from a Commie from a Democrat and, many times, neither can I.
-Charles Bukowski

KANEMAN

Monday, October 9, 2006 10:13 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by misbehaven:

By Don Davis: www.satiricalpolitical.com

Is there anything more maddening than those senseless and superficial poll questions, that are guaranteed to elicit responses that are not only misleading, but skewed to the right? Well, here’s a suggested Top Ten list of poll questions that would really tell it like it is:

10. If your own son was drafted to serve in Iraq, would you favor “cut and run,” or “sprint like Willie Horton being chased by the Klan?”

9. If Bush required you to pay more taxes to finance the Iraqi war, which timetable for withdrawal would you support: 3 to 5 years, or the 6:44 out of Fallujah?

8. Would you back Bush’s warrantless spying on international communications, if he was monitoring your phone-sex calls to Hot Nymphs in the Netherlands?

7. How would you feel about prayer in the schools — if Muslims just obtained a majority on your local school board?

6. Should the schools also teach the theory of Intelligent Design, even though it’s likely that, as with most designers, this one was also gay?

5. Would you vote to ban abortion, if you just found out your teenage daughter got knocked up by the Mexican gardener?

4. Would you still favor public posting of The Ten Commandments, even if it’s interpreted to ban the worship of American Idol?

3. If your job and benefits get outsourced to Bangalore, would you still consider national health insurance a communist plot?

2. Would you still be anti-union, after your supervisor at Wal-Mart limits you to one bathroom trip per day, and you have to pay for your own toilet paper?

1. Would habeas corpus seem a bit more important to you after you fall asleep in the tanning bed, and get mistaken for one of Osama’s five dozen “No. 2’s.”

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
-Hunter S. Thompson

I am also offended by the gay designer stuff. In my line of work I come across a lot of gay animals that are confused about wither they should hump my shoes or tie them...you are sick.

MISBEHAVEN

Monday, October 9, 2006 10:18 PM

Quote:
Let me take this opportunity to say how frightening it is that I agree with Kaneman--but I do: bias out there much?

While I enjoyed reading your answers, I'm astounded that you spent that much time replying to a satirical post. I'll tell you the same thing I told Kaneman. It's satire. It's a joke, nothing more. If you don't think it's funny, then that's quite alright. But don't take it so literally. While it is indeed meant to expose an alternative point of view, it's only doing so in a comical matter.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
-Hunter S. Thompson

MISBEHAVEN

Monday, October 9, 2006 10:25 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by kaneman:

I am also offended by the gay designer stuff.

Kaneman, offended! Say it isn't so.

Buy the ticket. Take the ride.
-Hunter S. Thompson

KANEMAN

Monday, October 9, 2006 10:27 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by misbehaven:
Quote:
Originally posted by kaneman:

I am also offended by the gay designer stuff.

Kaneman, offended! Say it isn't so.

Buy the ticket. Take the ride.
-Hunter S. Thompson

Well, it's true........

MISBEHAVEN

Monday, October 9, 2006 10:31 PM

Sure

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
-Hunter S. Thompson

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