Ten things I learned from watching Firefly

POSTED BY: Lerxst
UPDATED: Saturday, November 13, 2010 12:04
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MANWITHPEZ

Thursday, June 17, 2004 5:04 AM

The Top Ten Things I Learned "The Train Job"

1. Crow. Big guy, but not so big he can stop a large turbine engine.

2. The sherriff of some towns can be nice guys. Get arrested, and they'll share a cigarette with you.

3. Steal the medicine, no parades. Them's the rules.

4. While Niska may be a snappy dresser and look like your grandaddy, he ain't. In fact, he's so hell bent on reputation that it isn't even safe to be his nephew.

5. Joey Bloggs...Dead. Do a little research from time to time.

6. Our favorite space hooker has a mean right hook.

7. No matter what, remember that I love you. We're married, remember?

8. Some jobs, I'd pull for free, but I ain't going to give up my share of the take. Well, maybe if I'm dead.

9. That chain of command? Kinda hard to get around that.

10. Its a good thing Jayne's so heavy. If he hadn't been, they'd have gotten him into the infirmary, and Mal would've have been skewered on Crow's ridiculous looking knife. I mean more so.

Kaylee: "What's so damn important about being proper? It don't mean nothing out here in the black."
Simon: "It means more out here. It's all I have..."

TALLCARDDEALER

Thursday, June 17, 2004 6:27 AM

Hi, I'm brand new. This thread is worth joining the club just to participate in. I'm happy to say that I have both the time and the patience to go over the whole thread to make sure I don't have any repeaters. here goes:

-If you’re the pilot of a spaceship and you get arrested, you can always say you were flying the ship by accident.
-If you rely on luck you end up on the drift.
-If everyone always has the advantage over you, it means you are special.
-Never underestimate what a brilliant civilian doctor will do to save his deranged sister. (see Serenity, Ariel, Objects in Space...)
-Don’t be shy about killing big thuggish guys who threaten you. (read: you don’t need Greedo to shoot first).
-If you have a good pressure catch among your spare parts, you can make a formidable booby trap.
-Be careful with slave traders. They are very good drinkers.
-The AD-10 is the same machine. They just changed the plating and hoped no one would notice.
-Swinging a sword from the shoulder may be stronger, but it’s also slower than swinging from the elbow.
-Getting stabbed in the hip isn’t a total disaster if you can line up some exciting new crime.
-A Firefly will run forever with a mechanic even half awake.
-Mudder’s Milk is 15% alcohol.
-Prairie Harpies make better mechanics than surfers with body paint.
-50 platinum is about 20 Alliance credits.
-Important people don’t do field work.
-Ending up naked and stranded is no reason to think you didn’t win.
-You can get a badge for learning how to drop your weapon so that you can eat beans and get yourself shot.
-Watch out for the Warrior Woman behind you while you're sneaking up on a private who got a badge in dropping his weapon so he could eat beans and get himself shot.
-First rule of battle: Never let the enemy know where you are (of course, there are other schools of thought... )
-There is no such thing as a magical wish-granting plank.
-When you’ve had a lot of sake, you can attract the feds by singing.
-If you call your space companion a whore, she has the right to call you a petty thief.

Any petty criminal knows that the small, concealable weapons always go to the left side of the place-setting.

MANWITHPEZ

Thursday, June 17, 2004 6:45 AM

Top Ten Things I Learned from "Trash"

1. Saffron, Bridget...whatever. Just because she didn't shoot you when she had the chance doesn't mean she can be trusted. Didn't you learn anything the first time?

2. The Lassiter, while historic, is not a reliable weapon. That eyebrow plucker looking thing the space hooker is carrying, however, works just fine.

3. Making a man you married as part of a con shave off his beard only gets you called a "Devil Woman" and thrown off his ship.

4. You won't die from being locked in a trash bin even if you have a condition. You just won't be as hot, or smell anywhere in the vicinity of good.

5. When a con artist leaves you for dead, butt nekkid in the middle of a desert, it is perfectly alright to call her a dirty, dirty whore!

6. Cross Zoe, get knocked down. Them's the rules. Especially after you tell her to get over it.

7. Everyone loves little wobbly headed geisha dolls. Except space hookers.

8. Simon won't hurt you on his table. River can kill you with her brain. You do the math. God knows she already has.

9. Yeah, you saw YoSaffBridge with no clothes on. Yuo probably still haven't seen her nekkid. But, she, and the rest of America are going to see your "Green Apple".

10. Opening an episode of Firefly with Cap'n Reynolds nekkid on a rock muttering "That went well" is a very good way to get people to watch the flashback. I'm not gay or anything...I'm just sayin's all.

No, really, even my own father wanted to see that episode, and he don't like the show.

Maybe he's gay too...

Kaylee: "What's so damn important about being proper? It don't mean nothing out here in the black."
Simon: "It means more out here. It's all I have..."

THEREALME

Friday, June 18, 2004 2:29 AM

From “Objects in Space”:

They don’t cut it off or nuthin’.

Inara is a big girl.

When it comes to the combination to the gun locker, Jayne’s mind can be as good as a post-it note.

When you think about it, a stick and a gun are pretty much the same sort of thing.

Fully loaded and safety off is a recipe for unpleasantness.

Mathemetics is deadly.

River IS Batgirl.

For goodness sake, LOCK THE DOORS!

When the bounty hunter tells you that you might find an opening and turn the tables on him, he is just messing with you. You don’t have a chance.

That ain’t a shepherd.

Sometimes, bounty hunters lick walls, shoot doctors, kick shepherds in the head, and smack space hookers across the mouth. Does that seem right to you?

Someone incorporeally possessing a space ship is nonsensical crap. Ain’t nobody can do that.

Midgets can be deadly and unpredictable. And some little men love fire.

Sometimes, River ISN’T crazy.

Even if Jayne loves you, he will steal all the covers.

Use the extra-strong boot magnets.

You don’t have to be a genius to play jacks, but it helps.

A gas giant planet, when sufficiently compressed, can substitute fine as a bouncing ball.

Always carry a remote control device keyed to your ship.

The Real Me

Got Mudder's Milk?

THEREALME

Friday, June 18, 2004 3:59 AM

TallCardDealer,

I'd extend a welcome on behalf of the board, but I just sorta joined myself.

So, until I feel a bit more confident here, I will extend a welcome on behalf of ME.

Yeah, I loved this thread, too.

The Real Me

Got Mudder's Milk?

THEREALME

Sunday, June 20, 2004 7:52 AM

From “Jaynestown” and “Objects in Space”:

If you manage to get Simon drunk, you WON’T get him laid, but you MIGHT get him naked and singing on top of a statue of Hippocrates.

The Real Me

Got Mudder's Milk?

LAILING

Tuesday, June 29, 2004 1:39 PM

Never underestimate the genius of a madman - or the madness of a genius.

Corollary A. - Also never underestimate the damage that can be done by Fanatical Followers/Evil Henchman/Slimy Minions of the above.
Corollary B. - However, if said Fanatical Follower/Evil Henchman/Slimy Minion is being a pompous ass and you have the upper hand, it's ok to kick him into the nearest engine intake.
Corollary C. - If, of course, YOU are the FF/EH/SM, and someone ELSE has the upper hand, never be a pompous ass unless the Mad Genuis you are following has the power to kill the someone with her brain - or successfully impersonate a spaceship.

"They've gone to *plaid*!"

FEMALEJAYNE

Tuesday, June 29, 2004 3:18 PM

LOL! Remember sleepiness is weakness of character

DIGIFICWRITER

Tuesday, June 29, 2004 4:45 PM

Ten things I learned from Firefly (some of these will be repeats):
10. You can't just open the book of a man's life and jump in the middle
9. If you've got a lot of hair, don't ever barge out of your quarters without making sure it's not flying every which way. You might scare people
8. Pain is scary
7. Even if a man dresses much better than you, he can still think you're being pretentious
6. Accidentally dumping boxes of money on a town full of poor, working-class people will get you branded a folk hero
5. If you get yourself into a peck of trouble, make sure you've got a scary-looking spaceship to back you up in case you need it
4. Even if you try to hand the doctor you're flying with over to a couple of scary men in suits with blue hands, he'll still honor his hippocratic oath to 'do no harm'
3. When confronted by wacko bounty hunters, make sure you speak clearly, cause otherwise you might end up getting a confusing lecture about lions
2. If you're just looking for a quiet drink, going into fed-friendly bars on a particular holiday might not be the best course of action
1. If you're an incredibly successful TV creator and the company who funds your other shows wants you to make another series for them, make 100% sure they understand EXACTLY what it is you're selling them before you shoot the pilot

Take my love
Take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care
I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell 'em I ain't comin' back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me
There's no place I can be
Since I've found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me

BLACKEYEDGIRL

Tuesday, June 29, 2004 5:29 PM

Haven't been here for a while, but I had to add my bit:

10. When you can't walk, crawl. When you can't crawl, find someone to carry you.

9. God does not care how very pretty you are.

8. Terrifying Space Monkeys are no excuse to hang out with whores, err companions.

7. If I show a man my guns and he doesn't kiss me right away, eventually he will plan on sinnin' with me (even if he ain't sinned in quite some time), and most likely, takin' it nice and slow .

6. Boy-whores may or may not service girl-folk.

5. Afros may in fact cause heads to cave in, and no matter how well secured, will in fact always be there waiting.

4. When ignoring the chain of command you may get beat with it.

3. In addition to alcohol, love and sex, birthday celebrations rarely end well when Joss Whedon is involved (re: Buffy: Surprise and Innocence, Beer Bad, Angel: Cordy & Connor, Firefly: Our Miss Reynolds, Out of Gas).

2. Arguing uses up more oxygen than not talkin' at all, and if in this situation in space, you'll possibly freeze before the oxygen actually runs out.

and #1: Nothing worse than a monster who
thinks he's right with God.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Inara: "Do aliens live among us?"
Kaylee: "Yes. One of them's a doctor."

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