Ironic Deaths for Firefly Crew

POSTED BY: zoid
UPDATED: Wednesday, December 29, 2004 22:28
VIEWED: 13607
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STIZO

Tuesday, October 26, 2004 3:09 PM

Quote:
Yes. I'm a telepathic assassin. I've had congress with the devil, and work for a secret, underground division of Blue Sun. Waste Management is the polite term.

She's in congress?!

Sorry Ebo, couldn't resist.
Anyway, Maugwai is right that none of these qualify as ironic, but then again, neither do the two examples she gives either (irony is a wholly different idea than "When something happens that is the opposite of what is expected."). So I say: "Who cares?" This isn't English class; it's an internet message board. *sheesh*

Back to Zoid’s original idea, this brings up an interesting point. My guess is that in the BDM we might see the death of one of our beloved nine. This makes me wonder how Joss might go about it…
Oh, and Zoid, the Jayne one made me bust out laughing right in the middle of class...thanks,lol

I can hear R. Lee Ermey's voice...
This is my rifle, this is my gun. This is for fighting, this is for fun.

----------------------------------------------
Conquering the galaxy with terrifying space monkeys, one ship at a time...

WILDHEAVENFARM

Tuesday, October 26, 2004 4:08 PM

For any of them, choking to death on something.

Mary
Always a beast, never a burden.

BOOKSWORD

Tuesday, October 26, 2004 5:07 PM

This is sick !

Here let me have a go...

Captain Mal
Is mouthing off at Shepard at his belief of a God, accidently steps on prayer beads goes up and comes down on his neck.

Ow.

God - 2 Mal - 0

Jayne
Gets into an argument with Vera about him looking at other guns, Vera wins.

Zoe
For some strange reason a skinny white kid calling himself Conner sneaks up behind her and hits her **very** hard

Wash
One terrible day his toy dinosaurs decide to fight for their freedom and launch themselves at him. Bloody, messy and not very pretty.

Simon
Simon uses a ten letter word on an outer core planet in the hearing range of some heavily armed people. He sounds snotty and condencending and they shoot him just in case he insulted their fathers. Whomever that may be

River
Goes on yet another walkabout and admires what looks like long grass on the Serenity. Turns out to be the ships wiring, end result.

Krispy fried Prodigy.

Inara
Highly paying client with exotic tastes. Ok lets say freaky tastes and an unrealible breathing tube. Nuff said.

Kaylee
No force in the verse can stop her. Unless its another random shooting in her general direction. With more and bigger guns. After dying the fates explain its nothing personal but her cheerfulness was freaking them out a bit.

Shepard Book
' I have something to tell ' he says to the screen and as we hold our breath in anticipation... the final ever episode ends leaving us wondering what his secret is and if he survived the armies of hell storming that really long alley.

ZOID

Tuesday, October 26, 2004 5:59 PM

Booksword:

That's the spirit! Well-played!

BTW, is that 'Book's word' or 'Book sword'. Just wonderin'...

v/r,
zed

P.S.
I especially enjoyed Simon's and Kaylee's. Priceless! Simon's put me mind of a marginally off-color joke, which may be altered to fit:

Q: What is a Rim world virgin?
A: A girl who can outrun all of her brothers.

DELIA

Tuesday, October 26, 2004 6:23 PM

Zoid,

What a morbid and creepifying topic. I will of course have to offer suggestions.

How about if I just suggest that the entire crew goes when River does decide to holler till their ears bleed? Or when one of Kaylee's improvised repairs goes awry and ship blows up? Or when Wash makes a massive piloting error?

On the individul manner, how about if Niska regroups, rounds up more interchangable henchmen, tracks down Serenity, and puts Mal through the engines? Or if Simon dies trying to protect Jayne from River's latest psychotic episode? Or if Zoe is killed in battle because her slinky dress makes it hard to move fast enough?

I'm not entirely certain all (any?) of these count as ironic, but they're kinda fun, in a sick, depressing sort of way.

___________________________________________
Angel: People who don't care about anything will never understand the people who do.
Hamilton: Yeah, but we won't care.

ZOID

Tuesday, October 26, 2004 6:41 PM

Delia:

Good to hear from you again. I do so miss the old days...

Hmmm, apparently, none of us truly knows what the actual definition of 'irony' is, or else we are misapplying the concept. Personally, I find it highly ironic that the general population is thus unfamiliar with irony. Don't you?

Still, I also specified that 'whimsical' was in play, so yours are good examples, regardless.

Don't. Be. A. Stranger! Let us hear from you more often, pretty please. Remember: All books and no play makes Deels a dull girl...

Fondly,

zoid

ZARK1976

Tuesday, October 26, 2004 6:50 PM

Jayne dies while trying to prove that none of his weapons can penetrate Serenity's hull, because a hole is punched through the bulkhead he is standing near, and the pressure differential pulls him out. since it is such a small hole he hits it with his rump and is pulled inside out through his tailpipe.

Wash accidentally forgets that as a practical joke he disconnected the stick on the shuttle and crashes into a mountain, trying to figure out the whole time where he put the piece he pulled out.

"Could be he's harboring some resentment at us for putting his man through our engine."

MALICIOUS

Tuesday, October 26, 2004 6:51 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by zoid:

Maybe I'm too 'convoluted' for my own good

(sheepish grin) Ummmmm, you remembered that? Sorry!!

Mal-licious

Co-Holder of the Red Bell from Hell

MAUGWAI

Tuesday, October 26, 2004 7:04 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by zoid:
So, not only did I not save any money, I went bankrupt and was left physically the worse for wear. I'd call that ironic, at least by my definition.

Completely agree. That is ironic, and also crappy. But it's not ironic because it's crappy. It's ironic because the way you were trying to save money is what ended up costing you money. Take Oedipus, the king of all that is ironic. The fact that he was trying to avoid marrying his mother and killing his father is what ended up causing him to do it. For instance, Wash left the widowed father of a child he never wanted is slightly ironic, but Zoe dying in childbirth is not. Usually the very thing you try to avoid leads to your downfall.

I am enjoying this morbid topic quite a bit and am in full support of your post, but I still must point out that a crappy situation is not necessarily ironic - just crappy. And your situation is certainly both.

[ed- Simon dying to protect Jayne from River would definitely be ironic.]

"Dear diary, today I was pompous and my sister was crazy."

GUILDSISTER

Tuesday, October 26, 2004 7:24 PM

Morbid and creepifying... yummy!

Mal: Is assassinated (shot in the gut) by rebel insurgents after he was just inaugerated as leader of the Alliance.

Zoe: After her successful revival of old Earth-that-was "Martha Stewart's Living", Zoe chokes to death on toxic fumes from her potpourri put there by her resentful child who wanted to be raised on an outlaw ship.

Wash: On the ground, enjoying watching a ship outmaneuver a Reaver ship when the pursued ship goes to full burn in atmo and the rocketwash (a pun, get it??) incinerates him.

Book: Lightning bolt. Strange, no storms were in the vicinity.

Kaylee: A sheep walking on its hind legs causes her frilly dress to catch in a moving engine part.

Simon: Jayne kills Simon on his own operating table. Really just an 'oops'.

River: Jayne kills her with his brain.

And Jayne...

old age.

Guildsister

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