Common regrets of the dying

POSTED BY: Magonsdaughter
UPDATED: Tuesday, January 6, 2026 05:41
VIEWED: 3637
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1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

Read more: http://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/life/common-regrets-of-the-dying-20
120716-224y2.html#ixzz20kn9enB5

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Interesting. It leaves me thoughtful.


SignyM: I swear, if we really knew what was being decided about us in our absence, and how hosed the government is prepared to let us be, we would string them up.

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Hmm.

It's not personal. It's just war.

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Having just come back from holidays, I'm thinking hard about these things. Why do we work so hard? What has happened to a lot of my friendships? Why do I do so much because it is expected of me?

How do I break behaviour cycles? It seems so hard to make changes.

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"I'm dead now."
-Bill Hicks

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Quote Magonsdaughter: "How do I break behaviour cycles? It seems so hard to make changes."

I do know something about Changes. I have made a few of the big changes that
I really needed. But some of the seemingly small, nagging behaviors that I also
wanted to make just never stuck. Those are the things I learned at, probably,
a preverbal level = hardwired programming.

Have compassion; have it for myself. My happiness IS my responsibility and
mine alone. I guess happiness always was my greatest priority, because I had
none starting out. For others, bearing the yoke & contributing good is the main
thing. That, too, has great value.

Learn to shut down the ego and listen to the spirit. Necessary.

Some changes can be made, but for a while, they have to become The High Priority.
It's best, I believe, to spend a lot of time in a group that is about changes.
It's just like going back to school.


=========================
I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. ~Charles R Swindoll

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Quote:

---

Originally posted by Magonsdaughter:
How do I break behaviour cycles? It seems so hard to make changes.

---

Hey M,

Practice fleeing comfort. Practice it. You don't have to give up all your comforts, all at once, but pick one and walk away from it for a while. It can be anything. Comfort is the number one soul killer in our society. Here's a thing: comfort is what an animal seeks when it is a baby and when it is bleeding. Tell me, are you either of these things? No? Then you really have no need of comfort right now. If you seek comfort when you are not truly in need, you tell yourself a lie about yourself. You tell yourself that you're a baby and that you're wounded and can't take care of yourself. We in this culture seek comfort the way an obese person seeks the fourth meal. Ya just don't need it. You'll be fine.

Make a list of your fears. Underline the things you're afraid to do that you know you really, really, truly should do. Pick one. Any one. Do it. Afterward, celebrate. Big time. Tell as many people as you feel comfortable telling. And then tell one more.

It's all about breaking patterns, establishing new neural pathways in the brain. Want to change your behavior? Pick one and change it. Nobody changes without doing one hard thing. If you take stock of all the hard things you're avoiding, there's gonna be one that's less hard than all the rest. Do that one. And when you're ready, do the next hardest. Nobody can tell you what these things are. But you know exactly what they are. So pick one.

HKCavalier

Hey, hey, hey, don't be mean. We don't have to be mean, because, remember, no matter where you go, there you are.

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Most interesting.

#1: Nobody had expectations of me, in that respect, since I was a teenager and left home. But I do wish I hadn't passed up the three chances I had at doing something for which I had an aptitude, which would have made working wonderful, rather than just "a job". I never had "dreams" which went unfulfilled, I kinda drifted through life. I guess for the most part my life's been about life outside the job, not work, so I never gave an "occupation" the priority it should have had. I did a LOT of things like volunteer work, protests, being part of a dance group--those were more important to me than any job. And I never had kids, so aside from the years I helped raise Jim's, I didn't have child-rearing to eat up my time.

#2: I wish I had known I was bipolar early enough, so I wouldn't HAVE worked so hard. I kinda fell into earning my living (never thought of it as an "occupation" per se) in the corporate world--as I've said before, precisely the WRONG place for a bipolar. We tend to keep on taking on more and more until we overload and crash, which is precisely what I did. But I never THOUGHT of it as "working too hard", it was kinda "I gotta spend eight hours here before I can go home and get to the important things, so...". I felt I was always skating, things were too easy, so I never felt I was pulling my share and kept finding more stuff to do while t work, until it was too late and I was diagnosed and disabled. Bah.

#3: NEVER been a problem! I've always expressed them...beore diagnosis in bad ways and ways which got me in trouble, and I expressed them all OVER poor Jim the first twenty years or so when I was so needy and he so unreachable, unfortunately! But speaking up? Not a problem! Certainly I never became who I was capable of being, but not for lack of expressing my feelings!

#4: A toughie. I miss some of them, but at this point in my life, friendships are just too much work, planning, time, etc. I don't miss them much, or even think about it much, and I've hung on to the only one who was really important to me for over 50 years. Now, if I didn't have the socialization of the internet, I might feel differently...but then I'm pretty much a "do your own thing" kind of person, so probably not even then. I prefer my animals, flowers, artistic endeavors when I can find them, and peace.

#5: Not sure about that one. I laugh a LOT (partly thanx to huskies!) and still have some silliness in my life, so I'm not quite sure what it means. I don't think "happiness" is about laughter particularly...to me happiness is something that comes along, you enjoy it while it's here, but you know it'll go away again when new challenges come along, then come back later.

For me, it's not about "contentment" but about "peace". There are many things I'm not content with; those which are important I try to change, and at the same time accept in myself, and I know I'll never get it completely right. Finding peace in that has been wonderful--we're all our worst critics, so trying to accept myself while at the same time trying to change what's important to change has been enuff for me.

Now, that one was DEFINITELY true of me before Jo came, I was really stuck and afraid to change, but those four years changed both Jim and I, and now, I'd be hard presssed to ask for more.

Reading the list and the descriptions, I can so easily see the trapped housewife/mother, the overworked executive, the meek employee who "goes along", the person who lost friends over time once they got married, the woman who stays in an abusive relationship, and so many others. I think those make up maybe the majority (?) of people, which is awfully, awfully sad!

Interesting...I'd be interested in knowing what others regret. Let's see, for me,

I regret not being motivated in choosing what I'd do with my life, tho' I'm not sure it would have meant a "better" life;

I regret I was so un-self-aware for so much of my life, didn't see the signs and get diagnosed earlier--m

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