John Carter reviews
POSTED BY: chrisisall
UPDATED: Sunday, April 1, 2012 14:03
VIEWED: 18231
PAGE 6 of 10
Some people were confused by Firefly, complaining: "When there are spaceships, why would anyone ride horses? When there are laser guns, why are there gunpowder guns in Firefly?" Roger Ebert, movie reviewer at the Chicago Sun-Times, had that same class of complaints against John Carter. His negative opinion kept me from watching until Monday night. Ebert's first two paragraphs:
Quote:Was Ebert asleep at the movies? There was a single super weapon powered by the 9th ray. The teleporter technology, which Carter stumbled upon back on Earth, was unknown to Martians.
I don't see any way to begin a review of "John Carter" without referring to "Through Time and Space With Ferdinand Feghoot." That was a series of little stories that appeared in the magazine Fantasy and Science Fiction from 1956 to 1973 and had a great influence on my development as a critic. In one of the Feghoot adventures, the hero finds himself on Mars and engaged in bloody swordplay. He is sliced in the leg. Then in the other leg. Then an arm is hacked off. "To hell with this," Feghoot exclaims, unholstering his ray gun and vaporizing his enemies.
I may have one or two details wrong, but you understand the point: When superior technology is at hand, it seems absurd for heroes to limit themselves to swords. When airships the size of a city block can float above a battle, why handicap yourself with cavalry charges involving lumbering alien rhinos? When it is possible to teleport yourself from Earth to Mars, why are you considered extraordinary because you can jump really high? http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20120307/REV
IEWS/120309985
The Joss Whedon script for "Serenity," where Wash lives, is
Serenity-190pages.pdf at www.mediafire.com/two
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In spite of my earlier skepticism and indifference to this movie, I took my fellow Browncoats' opinions to heart and went to see John Carter this afternoon. Well,...
Chris, the other day you started a thread about Armageddon being a great popcorn flick. That's all this one is too, although it is better than Armageddon. From my vague memory of the book I know that several things were changed, although I suppose that was inevitable. Burrough's Carter simply wished himself to Mars, but here there is a super villainous race that has a special amulet that makes it happen. While it made sense that Carter would have difficulty walking in the lighter gravity at first, it was taken to ridiculous lengths later when he was able to jump extreme distances and heights.
The Tharks were the best part of the film. Each of the main ones were easily distinguishable from each other due their personality. However, there were several instances where more than one of them made the comment that Tharks don't fly. How then do they master the flying craft at the end of the film to aid Carter in his attack against Sab Than? The FX were great, and the acting was passable considering the limited material the actors had to work with. But the CGI was so cluttered in many of the battle scenes it was hard to see what was happening.
I didn't hate it but I doubt I'll ever want to see it again. I don't have anything against popcorn flicks, but they don't really satisfy me (just as popcorn itself doesn't). John Carter is the kind of film that should come with the disclaimer that you need to turn off your brain before entering the theater. I'd rather not have to do that.
Now if Deejah had been naked... 
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Quote:Ummm, WHAT? Where was THAT?
Originally posted by ecgordon:
Burrough's Carter simply wished himself to Mars,
The Mal-like Chrisisall
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Quote:
Originally posted by chrisisall:Quote:Ummm, WHAT? Where was THAT?
Originally posted by ecgordon:
Burrough's Carter simply wished himself to Mars,
The Mal-like Chrisisall
Ummm...in the book? At least that's the way I remember it.
Hopefully my post didn't come off as too harsh. I don't consider the time (or money) spent watching the film was wasted, but it wasn't that satisfying either. Unlike Zeek, I do consider myself to be a student of film, and I prefer style and substance. That's what makes Blade Runner one of my favorites. John Carter has a lot of great action set pieces, the story is as interesting as could have been expected considering the source material, but it still has an empty feeling. It's just one more in a long line of cliched hero stories, utilizing the Whiz-BANG! of modern SFX to dazzle the audience. For the average movie-goer not familiar with the book, the trailers will be almost indistinguishable from Wrath of the Titans.
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Quote:
Originally posted by chrisisall:Quote:Ummm, WHAT? Where was THAT?
Originally posted by ecgordon:
Burrough's Carter simply wished himself to Mars,
The Mal-like Chrisisall
Hello,
I also remember Carter using the power of his mind to transport himself in the book. Remember that sci-fi of the era often didn't know how to solve such mysteries as how to get to other planets or how to time travel.
In Mark Twain's classic time travel tale, the main character falls asleep and wakes up in the past. Not only does this lead one to wonder if the whole comical farce is a dream, but it solves the problem of not having any Deloreans.
--Anthony
_______________________________________________
Note to self: Mr. Raptor believes that women who want to control their reproductive processes are sluts.
Reference thread: http://fireflyfans.net/mthread.asp?b=18&t=51196
Never forget what this man is. You keep forgiving him his trespasses and speak to him as though he is a reasonable human being. You keep forgetting the things he's advocated. If you respond to this man again, you are being foolish.
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Quote:Edgar Rice Burroughs, John Carter 1 - A Princess of Mars (Kindle Locations 283-286). Kindle Edition.
Originally posted by chrisisall:Quote:Ummm, WHAT? Where was THAT?
Originally posted by ecgordon:
Burrough's Carter simply wished himself to Mars,
Quote:Download A Princess of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs http://bit.ly/wNw5rK
Few western wonders are more inspiring than the beauties of an Arizona moonlit landscape; the silvered mountains in the distance, the strange lights and shadows upon hog back and arroyo, and the grotesque details of the stiff, yet beautiful cacti form a picture at once enchanting and inspiring; as though one were catching for the first time a glimpse of some dead and forgotten world, so different is it from the aspect of any other spot upon our earth.
As I stood thus meditating, I turned my gaze from the landscape to the heavens where the myriad stars formed a gorgeous and fitting canopy for the wonders of the earthly scene. My attention was quickly riveted by a large red star close to the distant horizon. As I gazed upon it I felt a spell of overpowering fascination—it was Mars, the god of war, and for me, the fighting man, it had always held the power of irresistible enchantment. As I gazed at it on that far-gone night it seemed to call across the unthinkable void, to lure me to it, to draw me as the lodestone attracts a particle of iron.
My longing was beyond the power of opposition; I closed my eyes, stretched out my arms toward the god of my vocation and felt myself drawn with the suddenness of thought through the trackless immensity of space. There was an instant of extreme cold and utter darkness.
MY ADVENT ON MARS
I opened my eyes upon a strange and weird landscape. I knew that I was on Mars; not once did I question either my sanity or my wakefulness. I was not asleep, no need for pinching here; my inner consciousness told me as plainly that I was upon Mars as your conscious mind tells you that you are upon Earth. You do not question the fact; neither did I.
The Joss Whedon script for "Serenity," where Wash lives, is
Serenity-190pages.pdf at www.mediafire.com/two
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He let himself embrace being whisked away as opposed to making a conscious decision to WILL himself there. There's difference.
The Mal-like Chrisisall
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Quote:
Originally posted by ecgordon:
For the average movie-goer not familiar with the book, the trailers will be almost indistinguishable from Wrath of the Titans.
Okay, I'll review John Carter in other ways for y'all.
From a non-SF/Fantasy fan POV:
There was a lot of fighting and magical stuff and belly buttons. I couldn't figure out what was going on most of the time, but it seemed exciting in places. I was certainly no "Steel Magnolias", though. **
From a professional boxer's POV:
Man, Carter had a mean right hook. He knocked that m#@!%$#@#@!r right the f$@k out! If only the flick had more of THAT! *1/2
From a hairstylist's POV:
John's hair seemed too dirty much of the time, and there were noticeable length changes during the filming which must have been well over two months. Deeja's hair, however, was flawless in every shot. **1/2
From a physics major's POV:
Oh please. [no stars]
Wow, I guess the love just isn't there for this movie...
The Mal-like Chrisisall
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Quote:
Originally posted by chrisisall:
Wow, I guess the love just isn't there for this movie...
On the contrary, most of the people who have posted here agree with you. I know I have the reputation of seeming to be a party-pooper on threads like this. Someone once called me puritanical, although I think the description they were going for was elitist. I won't argue that is sometimes the case, but I have my fair share of fun movies that I like. I just don't make the mistake of saying they are great movies just because I enjoy watching them.
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Quote:Yeah, I'm sometimes a little too enthusiastic... it was a good flick, like Avatar was a good flick. Not great, but fun. IMO.
Originally posted by ecgordon:
I just don't make the mistake of saying they are great movies just because I enjoy watching them.
Now, wasn't my last post at least a little funny?
The Mal-like Chrisisall
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