Imponderables: Seasonal Visitors

POSTED BY: nvghostrider
UPDATED: Tuesday, October 13, 2009 07:25
VIEWED: 14200
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FREELANCERTEX

Thursday, October 1, 2009 9:05 PM

I think we all agree on the "don't be like Ted" notion :P

I don't think you really get to know all sides of someone until you start living with them. That's really the time (IMO) when you realize whether or not you really love them and can live with them. Are they gonna be complete angels all the way around? No. But you find out whether or not you can live with their flaws.

I might just be rambling. :P

TRAVELER

Thursday, October 1, 2009 10:06 PM

Say it when you feel it. Your partner may not feel the same, but a relationship certainly can survive your being honest. In time your partner will know if they are heading in the same direction and let you know. Just don't push it. You have made your self known and now let your relationship take its course. Like all experiences you have to stumble around and fall a few times before you start walking straight ahead with confidence.
Good luck.

http://www.imdb.com/mymovies/list?l=28764731
Traveler

RUGBUG

Thursday, October 1, 2009 11:13 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Zeek:
Quote:
Originally posted by RugBug:
Quote:
Originally posted by MsA:
I don't think there's a hard and fast say I love you after this period of time, but I do think you should know the person extremely well first. And by extremely well I mean you should know how they feel about who they are, how they became who they are, how they feel about their family, what they need to be content in a relationship, where they seem themselves in the future, how they handle frustration, disappointment, anger, joy, etc, and how they complement and add to you as a person.

For me, that list would be if I was going to marry someone. I think you can be in love with someone and still know that taking a crack at forever is a bad idea.

Should you say you love someone even if you don't think 'forever' is a good idea? Sure.

I don't know. I'm with MsA on you need to know those things. Otherwise what is really the basis of that love? If I say I love someone shouldn't I love that person as a whole? Is it ok to be in love with just a sliver of a person cause that's all you know about them? To me if you don't really know the person then the love is an illusion.

One thing my friend brought is up is whether it's hurtful to not say it after a certain amount of time? I thought "yes" at first but thinking it over some more then it's almost saying that a person has to say it before they're personally ready. That's not fair either.

Quick Edit: originally I lumped a little too much into that "I agree with MsA" part. I don't wanna put words into her mouth.

But, some of MsA's list will never be known by some people. Is a person who doesn't know who they are, where they are going or how they get where they are now, unworthy of being loved? Some one can be a complete and total mess and still be loved...truly loved, not just an illusion of it.

***************
"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." - George Bernard Shaw

MSA

Friday, October 2, 2009 2:59 AM

maybe I just prefer introspection.. I think you can love all kinds of people, but the true deep permanent love is only with someone who can show you all of themselves...someone who despite growth and change is still the person you love.

You can love someone who's a total mess so long as the both of you know that and it is part of your awareness...

To love someone is to see a miracle invisible to others.
--Francois Mauriac
It's fuzzy-minded liberal thinking like that that gets you eaten.

FREELANCERTEX

Friday, October 2, 2009 2:36 PM

can't disagree and couldn't've said it better :P

so does anyone know any techniques to not be anxious? Especially when you've had bad experiences in the past about specified event?

RHYIANAN

Friday, October 2, 2009 3:09 PM

To completely get rid of anxiety, no. To get through to the other side with your sanity mostly intact, yes. It mostly depends on the event. The best thing you can do is make sure you are as prepared for the event as possible. Actual anxiety attacks can be averted through breathing techniques. Without knowing more, it's impossible to know what else would be helpful in your situation.

...but if all else fails, massive amounts of chocolate can't go amiss.

I'm a leaf on the wind

SOLARFLARE

Friday, October 2, 2009 3:17 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by freelancertex:
so does anyone know any techniques to not be anxious?

I suffer from the whole anxiety thing. I tried medication, but it made me feel crappy. So, now, when I feel the whole anxiety thing eating me up, I find a quiet place and do some deep breaths. Not exactly scientific, but it helps.

As for the love thing... If you love someone, then you love all of them. Humans have faults. And it makes sense that you could love someone while realizing that their faults means that a more serious relationship is a bad idea.

Anyone who feels like they have to declare their love in the first few hours of each relationship, though, needs to examine why they are doing that. There's something not healthy about it. Since I'm not a psychologist, I can't say exactly what that is, though.

RUGBUG

Friday, October 2, 2009 5:44 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by freelancertex:

so does anyone know any techniques to not be anxious? Especially when you've had bad experiences in the past about specified event?

I feel a little silly answering this because the only anxiety I face is relatively minor in comparison to what a lot of people go through...but mine is very event related.

I occasionally have some anxiety related to jumping horses. I fell in '05 and was injured. While it wasn't extremely serious, it took a long time to recover from physically.

These days, I will sometimes be cantering down to a jump and my brain will start telling me I'm going to crash and die. the whole "this is the jump that's going to kill you" thing. While not likely, it is a possibility (did you know horseback riding is one of the most dangerous activities? It's supposedly more dangerous than motorcycle riding

).

To combat those thoughts, I focus on a few things:

1. Breathing. I take some deep, slow breaths (if possible, sometimes this happens on the way to a jump so there's not a whole lot of time to sit around and breath).

2. I tell my brain* to shut the hell up.

3. I think about my riding checklist...how I need to be riding and how my horse needs to be responding in order to give us the best chance at safely making it over the jump.

4. Then I just do it.

*notice I sort of compartmentalize the thoughts and attribute them to "my brain." This helps me from allowing my body to become frozen in fear....which is the last thing I want to do because it would increase the chances of a crash.

I know this is a petty little example but it's all I've got. Maybe there is a bit of information that could help you?

***************
"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." - George Bernard Shaw

MSA

Friday, October 2, 2009 6:13 PM

Best advice I ever got...
Figure out what the worst possible outcome is for what's going on and decide how to deal with that. If you know you have a plan for the worst then nothing else seems as distressing. Plus once you've honestly figured out what the worst that could happen is, most times you realize it's not that bad..

To love someone is to see a miracle invisible to others.
--Francois Mauriac
It's fuzzy-minded liberal thinking like that that gets you eaten.

RUGBUG

Friday, October 2, 2009 6:45 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by MsA:
Best advice I ever got...
Figure out what the worst possible outcome is for what's going on and decide how to deal with that. If you know you have a plan for the worst then nothing else seems as distressing. Plus once you've honestly figured out what the worst that could happen is, most times you realize it's not that bad..

Somehow death or serious physical injury doesn't comfort me at all. ;)

***************
"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." - George Bernard Shaw

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