Re: Kitties

POSTED BY: Niki2
UPDATED: Friday, October 9, 2009 01:00
VIEWED: 7521
PAGE 4 of 4

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:

8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 a.m. Oh, boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 a.m. Oh, boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Getting rubbed and petted! My favorite!
11:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
12:00 p.m. Oh, boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 p.m. Oh, boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 p.m. Oh, boy! To the park! My favorite!
5:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Pretty Mums! My favorite!
6:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Watching TV with my master! My favorite!
8:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!


EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:

Day 183 of My Captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair, must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, he speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the high metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time....

---

King of the Mythical Land that is Iowa

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I apologize, Space; you're a good MOMMY!

Frem, I agree with your opinion, and am envious of your wildlife--except that I'm a woos and would take all the "nonwild" in, and go bonkers worrying about Nitwit and cars!

On the other hand, thank you muchly for the best giggle of my day--several in fact. You, too, MSA.

Penguin, I have the cat one and don'tcha just love it? I'm gonna steal the dog one and add it to my collection, it's GREAT!

So I'll offer a giggle or two in return:

Rules of Etiquette for Inexperienced Cats

If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage this in time, get to an Oriental rug. Shag is good!

Determine quickly which guest hates cats. Sit on that lap during the evening. He won't dare push you off and will even call you "nice kitty." If you can arrange to have cat food on your breath, so much the better.

For sitting on laps or rubbing against trouser legs, select colors which contrast with your own.

Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.

For guests who say, "I love kitties," be ready with aloof disdain, claws applied to stockings or a quick nip on the ankles.

Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get one open, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once the door is opened for you, it is not necessary to use it. You can change your mind. When you have ordered an outside door opened, stand half in and half out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather or mosquito season.

If one person is busy and the other is idle, sit with the busy one. For book readers, get in close under the chin, unless you can lie across the book itself.

For ladies knitting, curl quietly into lap and pretend to dose. Then reach out and slap knitting needles sharply. This is what she calls a dropped stitch. She will try to distract you. Ignore it.

For people doing homework, sit on the paper being worked on. After being removed for the second time, push anything movable off the table -- pens, pencils, stamps -- one at a time.

Get enough sleep during the daytime so that you are fresh for playing at night between 2 & 4 a.m.

When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out of the box as possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter between their toes.

As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around.

Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot find you. Do not come out for three to four hours under any circumstances. This will cause the humans to panic (which they love) thinking that you have run away or are lost. Once you do come out, the humans will cover you with love and kisses and you will probably get a treat

ONE LAST THOUGHT: Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially their face, turn around, and present your butt to them. Humans love this, so do it often. And don't forget guests!

________________________
Together we are greater than the sum of our parts

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Its official, then. My cat is the "Miss Manners" of the cat 'verse...


Day late an'a dollar short...Story of my ruttin' life!

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Here's a semi-strange thing my cat does. I call it a "Pride" thing. My cat is normally aloof, as most cats often are. There are times when she wants to come sit with you and get her fix of human contact. Funny thing is that she doesn't actually sit in the strictest sense. She'll crawl up on one of us, situate herself in a laying position on one shoulder while leaving her hind legs in a standing position, butt up in the air. Very strange.

The "Pride" thing, however, is that other than what I talk about above, she keeps to herself. But at the end of the day, my wife and I usually end up laying on the floor while watching television. Inevitably, Dottie will come up and stretch out on the floor with us. Like we're her pride out in the wild or something. Doesn't matter if we have our drinks or snacks in front of us, she wants to be right there in the midst of it all and doesn't care what she knocks over in the process of making herself comfortable.

*********************************************

"It's okay! I'm a leaf on the wind!!!"
"What does that mean?!?!?!"

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What a character! We had one "shoulder cat", too, my beloved Bebe. She LOVED to ride shoulders, often with her tail in the air (a balance thing maybe?) and other times would drape herself across your shoulder.

Cats definitely have their own individual personalities, we learned that right quick when we had so many of them.

I think you're right about the "pride" thing--initially I took it as the other definition, but now I know what you mean, I'll bet you pegged it. You're both down at her level, which might seem more like part of her pride. Neat kittie.

________________________
Together we are greater than the sum of our parts

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Our old cat disappeared one evening, and we were slightly freaked, until he sauntered in for breakfast.

A few days later, I met a neighbour, a one of a gang of students a few houses down. They had been watching telly and eating takeout when there was this battering and howling at the door. When one of them opened it, our cat strolled in. Four people ended up sitting on the floor of their own living room, while our cat took up the entire the sofa and demanded the choicest morsels from the take-out.

And they let him.

I still miss him.

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Hee, hee, hee...kewl cat; he knew how to manipulate humans. One thing cats are excellent at!

________________________
Together we are greater than the sum of our parts

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