Slumming Banned Worldwide

POSTED BY: piratenews
UPDATED: Thursday, September 10, 2009 03:08
VIEWED: 11193
PAGE 3 of 4

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Originally posted by RIPWash:

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Originally posted by Fremdfirma:

Heh heh heh, hey now, no messin with my unwilling and unknowing flunkies who I can wind up into doing just about anything I want by playing on their ignorance and programming.

Seriously, by exploiting their psychological issues, once you have insinuated yourself into a position of cred with em, you can get those damn fools to do ANYTHING - and best of all ?

They're completely disposable assets you can't even feel bad about using up.

Besides which, cultivating your own is way cheaper than VillainSource, bargain bin notwithstanding.
http://www.villainsource.com/misc.html


-F

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On a related note . . .

http://www.superherosupplies.com/



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"It's okay! I'm a leaf on the wind!!!"
"What does that mean?!?!?!"

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I don't think superherosupplies can compete with this item from villainsource:

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Skinhead Aryan Christian militia group

Wait a minute, you're thinking -- Nazism failed, despite the snappy costumes, due to outdated racist ideology, bad military decisions, lousy cryptography, and the amazing propaganda power of American Warner Bros. cartoons.

So why would I want to hire a bunch of inbred misfit losers, adhering to a failed ideology, and who can't muster enough brain power between them to jump-start a penlight?

The answer: volume, volume, volume. We recruit these drooling pinheads through publications like Soldier of Fortune and Teen People, outfit them with patches, baseball bats, and malt liquor, and set them loose on an unsuspecting public.

Great for random acts of violence, drunken brawling, synagogue desecrations, and incest. Especially useful if you are planning to take over Montana. Bulk rates.

Price: US$15.00 per head, min. 100

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Soldier of Fortune and Teen People.

Frakking priceless.

Mike

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White supremacists may come cheap, but I'm going to have to go with multi-level marketing scheme and own a swiss bank, with the Panasonic DX supervillain's personal assistant.

Fembots may look nice, but always get easily foiled, so I'll opt for the brain bug, it usually works. My android will play the part of a high level corporate executive. They seldom get targeted and are usually just shadowy figures of looming darkness.

Sorry, Frem, my plan will then have to borrow Lucy™. I will lower Lucy™ into enemy territory and then warn my opponents to not try to bring up her childhood memories because they are troubled and unresolved, while secretly hinting that my evil corporate secrets are hidden in Lucy™'s past. This will ensure that my intrepid insipid heroes will try, (when the compassion for the abused child combines with the desire to gain the knowledge mcguffin to defeat evil, hero brains will cease to function. Plus, she has cat ears.) and that will solve all non-Lucy™ related problems. Yes, I'm aware there's a flaw in my plan, I'm evil, of course there's a flaw in my plan.

I will of course hide out in my al qaeda cave (very effective proven hiding) and include a getaway pod (these always carry you to the sequel.)

Next, I will need henchmen. Only two types ever work: High fashion femme fatale, to actually get things done, and zombies, to distract my opponents into a pointless self destructive quest. I will have fashion castle in the middle of enemy territory. Then, my sexy femme fatales will eventually become zombies, and Lucy™ will finish off the lot.

My doomsday device will be a decoy to lure the hero to zombie castle. My henchbeings will only use guns, as this is the only thing heroes appear to die from.

This doomsday device decoy will contain all the classic trappings of the LED clock countdown that can only be disabled with seconds to go. I'll put 2 hours on the clock, not 1, so it will last the entire film, and the heroes will spend their time trying to stop it, only to get a message at the end that says "suckers, you are now zombies."

As a superpower I will use Magic™ because it works. My special medicine will be truth serum in the vamp gf's kiss. This femme fatale appears to be a helpless betty and can be dropped into the heroes' midst, and she will be very innocently hot, so they can fight over her. It's a shame that she'll end up a decapitated zombie, but she'll two time everyone and collect a lot of information which she will then share using my wireless communication gadget.

The final piece, the wireless communication gadget, will not be secret. It will be an "amazingly convenient useful thing to find" planted for the heroes, to enable them to survive zombies for a while, and to have a special way to phone me to demand my surrender and say "Nyah nyah" which heroes love to do. My planted gf will then take it when she goes attempts to go on a dangerous mission, and a macho male stops her, and tells her to stay right where she is. When she asks "What if the zombies come HERE!?" He will willingly give her one of the communication units and tell her to "call him if anything happens." Instead, she'll call me and tell me everything she has learned.

Oh, and I will not turn into a giant snake: It never helps.

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