Imponderables: Leader Of The Pack
POSTED BY: nvghostrider
UPDATED: Wednesday, July 22, 2009 20:01
VIEWED: 26256
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Well raising kids who act appropriately and are responsible takes a lot of very hard work. A lot of people somehow think that if you have them and just sort of let them do whatever then yell when they screw up that the kids will do better... sadly not so much.
Plus I think a lot of people just didn't grow up with good parenting examples ( I blame the permissive 70's do whatever you want attitude) and once you don't have a good example it's harder for you to know what to do. So you just bumble along and are frustrated it doesn't work.
To love someone is to see a miracle invisible to others.
--Francois Mauriac
It's fuzzy-minded liberal thinking like that that gets you eaten.
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You're right, again (as usual, lolz)..
Stan- Mobbex is playing lunch and Aky is making a guitar
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Quote:
Originally posted by MsA:
So if all the people who have contact with the kid have the same system then it works.... it's great for parents to get some help but it ends up defeating the purpose if the other care givers have different standards or reinforce different behaviors
Working in a daycare when I was a teenager really reinforced this. We had one parent that was adamant that we could not tell her child "no". Instead, we were supposed to simply tell the little girl "stop". The daycare compromised by telling every child "no, stop it" so that everyone knew that the behavior displayed was inappropriate. The compromise was necessary for the children to learn by each other's example as well as from the adults. Other than that, we tried to individualize the best we could, but sometimes it was difficult considering the structure and function of the daycare. Sometimes a particular child wasn't a good fit with us, but did very well somewhere else.
We also had children that ran wild at home and therefore were not well behaved at all. Their parents were usually outraged that their children were put in time out more often than the other children, thinking that the kids were singled out for some reason. I found that the younger children were easier to deal with than the older ones, but they were also more confused by the different set of rules. If they had started with us from a young age, they learned to use one set of rules at home and another at the day care. Once they hit school age without that kind of training, it was usually hopeless to try and get them to behave unless the parents were exceptionally great.
I loved working with the kids, but I don't think that I'd be able to do it all the time. In the four years I spent at the day care, I met more parents that should never have had children than competent parents. At times it seemed like an uphill battle, since the parents didn't seem to care what their children did, or they taught them things that were completely off the wall. I'll never forget trying to explain to a child that she could have severely hurt another kid, only to hear the response "I don't have to care what happens to him because he's not related to me". That is what her parents taught her, that it doesn't matter if you paralyze or kill another person unless they are related. My summers nannying kids were better (can I use nanny as a verb?), since I was there all the time and was able to keep things consistent. The parents were wonderful and we all did everything we could not to contradict each other. I didn't have to fight against what their parents were doing, and it was all around a better experience.
*edit* This makes it sound like all parents I've dealt with are awful, which isn't true, just that the parents that would not parent were more plentiful. There were many great children that I loved, who had wonderful parents.
I'm a leaf on the wind
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Rhyianan I understand completely. there are some really good parents out there, but when you do child care or teaching you run into so many people who just have no idea how to parent or whose ideas about acceptable are so far off. I actually had to explain to a friend of mine why it was unacceptable to let his 3 year old say the f word.. I know he just thought it was funny, but when the kid gets to school the kid is going to be in constant trouble and be given consequences when he has no idea why it's wrong... eventually I got him to understand how letting the kid do that would be viewed by others and how many problems it would cause his kid in school settings and once he realized it he was able to change it. To love someone is to see a miracle invisible to others.
--Francois Mauriac
It's fuzzy-minded liberal thinking like that that gets you eaten.
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I think the mate for life thing is just easier logistically. It is too difficult to find a group that is full of like minded people who are all focused on the same goals. It's hard enough to get two people on the same track. At least with two people it's easier to compromise.
Besides I don't think I'd be the alpha male of many groups. So, big no to that.
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Aww I think you'd be the Alpha Zeek;)
But yes two people works well...also better to discuss with each other all the things you need to before hand.
Example we decided that Baby John can go on group dates when he's 14 and dates by himself when he's 15 To love someone is to see a miracle invisible to others.
--Francois Mauriac
It's fuzzy-minded liberal thinking like that that gets you eaten.
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Quote:
Originally posted by MsA:
I actually had to explain to a friend of mine why it was unacceptable to let his 3 year old say the f word..
Wow. I'm just in awe that you had to explain this. I shouldn't be surprised...
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Quote:
Originally posted by MsA:
dates by himself when he's 15
That's all well and good but I'm going to hope that he meets another person to go on the date with him.
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LOL one can hope, but since he'll have his daddy's good looks and charm I'm sure our big problem will be making sure there's only one other person on the date To love someone is to see a miracle invisible to others.
--Francois Mauriac
It's fuzzy-minded liberal thinking like that that gets you eaten.
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