Do you cringe at your own stories?

POSTED BY: reginaroadie
UPDATED: Monday, July 21, 2014 19:58
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REGINAROADIE

Thursday, June 11, 2009 12:26 AM

Hey All

Around the time of the movie before and after, I got into fanfic writing here on the site and wrote a few stories. I created a new character that was kinda Mary Sue-ish although I do think that he could have been a character that could have easily existed in the Firefly verse. And I like to think I contributed a few new ideas of stuff I hadn't seen before (really getting in depth with Simon and what made him tick and making the Tam's actually human beings and not one dimensional bad guys like I had seen in so many fanfics).

But looking back on them and just the writing style and prose and syntax and writing for characters and their particular way of speaking, I find myself just cringing at what I wrote. My River is almost nothing like the River we know and love (although to be fair, I never liked River too much to begin with, and I can't do "River-speak" at all. I like writing characters who speak in complete sentences.), the anachronistic references I make with music is just bad (and the only reason I did it was so that I would have River actually do something), and I guess I just ran out of steam at the end.

I still think there were good ideas in them. The whole main plotline with Simon and River returning home to confront their parents and what had happened with Kaylee along to see for herself the former like her husband and sister-in-law had was always the thing I wanted to see the most in the series. As well as Simon actually cracking (in both SHOTGUN TAM and the last few chapters of YOU CAN'T GO HOME AGAIN) and the role reversal between him and River in that she says in the Core and he stays out in the Black and how she ends up taking care of Gabriel whose just this broken man. And there was one stand alone story I always wanted to do about Shooter and how he was the sole survivor of a Reaver attack on an Alliance cruiser and in the process of escaping on a jet pack he attained spiritual clarity and then broke almost every single bone in his body.

But I think the way I just wrote about it has that stink of a new writer trying to figure his stuff out. I heard somewhere that if you want to be a writer for a living, that the first 10,000 words you write will suck. Which in a way, I'm glad I did it here with fanfic and the anonimity of the Internet as opposed to the actual original work I do that I hope one day will be made into a movie.

But I'm just wondering. Are there any fanfic writer's here that look at their older works and just cringe and say to themselves "I can't believe I actually wrote that."

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"And it starts with a sentence that might last a lifetime, or it all might just go down in flames. If I let you know me, then why would you want me? Each day I don't is a shame. Each day I don't is a great shame."

Loudon Wainwright III - "Strange Weirdos" off the "Knocked Up" soundtrack

PIRATENEWS

Thursday, June 11, 2009 2:42 AM

No. I let the gentle reader do that.

TUJIAOZUO

Thursday, June 11, 2009 6:47 AM

YES.

Every once in awhile I'll go back and read something. Something from here, something from another fandom I did. I'll appreciate the challenge I gave myself, the plot, the story, because my intentions were good and with each story I was pushing myself to better my writing. However I 99% of the time will hate just about everything else. whther it be prose, structure, canon, OC, something's horrific.

Sometimes, if something is minor, I may go back and change it, other times... well... let's just say I'm thisclose to deleting the first attempt of a Firefly series I posted here because I am pretty embarassed over the two MarySuetastic OCs I pretty much wrote the entire series around. Personally, I think they both need to be metaphorically taken out back and put out of their misery as they hit every MaruSue mark pretty much to a T. Then there are other fandoms, and how just about everything I wrote for those is nothing but fluff and shipping and kids and tru wuv 4eva were they ride off into the sunset happy after some convuluted angst/drama. THAT right there, makes me bang my head against my keyboard. The funny thing is is that I got GREAT reviews for that stuff and it got me to #2 rank as one of the fandoms writers. Now though? *Headdesk* Most of it is just soooooooo bad, but the fangirls lap it up and praise and want more, meaning no sincere critqiues to further improve your writing.**

I also have the fist ever fanfic that I wrote when I was fifteen (six years ago). Now THAT is so bad, I just laugh now.

But then I also think, Hey, if it weren't for that shitty first fic, I wouldn't be where I am, a B rate fanficcer. Trying to tackle more serious plots then that teenage fluff I started out in with actual aspirations of being a screenwriter and animation director.

Your Indian Pirate Lord,
Ash

**for the record, I still on rare occasion write fanfic to that fandom. Mostly as a form of challenge I've put upon myself where if I do write it has to not only appeal to the fangirl populace, but also stick to canon and/or avoid all cliches of the FluffFic and actually be thought provoking.

(Ash apologises if this does not make total sense, this has been a somewhat sleep derived post)

BRIGLAD

Thursday, June 11, 2009 11:15 AM

I know what you mean.

My OC Allan is the jack of all trades. Quite mary sue but still, people seem to like the stories as I get consistent 9's and 10's for ratings and I have only gotten one scathing review (Not on this site either)

I occasionally read back through my earlier story's and find that they still hold up.

My grammar has improved significantly over the last year or so as has my punctuation. Mostly thanks to my Beta readers, Woonsocket (BSR)and Chris (FF.net).

I never expected that this... obsession with writing fanfic would steamroll like it has.

Being... under employed,(And formerly unemployed) the last year, if not for writing, I would have gone nuts.

And don't sell your self too short, Roadie...

I liked Shooter and if not for "You Can't go home again" I wouldn't have a new favorite U2 Song (God I love City of Blinding Lights)

To be honest, I don't see anything wrong with a Mary Sue-ish character. Sometimes it's needed.

I also wouldn't mind a small sequel to you can't go home again.

Like River and the boys going on tour and chartering Serenity to fly them from gig to gig...

But that's just me...

Brian

BYTEMITE

Thursday, June 11, 2009 2:21 PM

I only really started writing fanfic maybe about a year ago. I saw Dr. Horrible, and wanted to write a fic about how

Select to view spoiler:

Billy might have dealt with the ELE if he had managed to save Penny with his freeze ray.

Shortly after I finished that, a friend of mine convinced me to check out Firefly, and oh boy, if I thought I'd been fangirl-ing THEN...

The main change between then and now is that my chapters have gotten longer. Before I used to struggle to write two or three pages, which is strange, because my original work I usually managed around seven. Also in my earlier fanfic, I planned for scenes with a lot of action and some violence, then kind of just skipped over them. Course, I've only really written ONE chapter so far that I can call action intensive, so we'll see how that goes.

Through my public school days, I worked on a lot of original stories, and I can definitely say that yes, the stuff I wrote in elementary school and junior high pretty much did suck. I had decent grammar and spelling, but I had no personal style and I used a lot of overdone plot devices. At least I never started crushing on my own characters and making them invincible, but they probably were still a bit overpowered and generally tended on the one-dimensional side of things.

I think that deep down I must have known they were pretty bad, because I never let anyone read them and never finished them. The one time my parents did read something of mine when I was five, I was mocked and criticized pretty mercilessly, so, I've kind of become obsessively private about my creative work. I've known people on the internet for ten years who haven't known I could write or draw until about two years ago.

REGINAROADIE

Friday, June 12, 2009 3:23 AM

Quote:
I also wouldn't mind a small sequel to you can't go home again.

Like River and the boys going on tour and chartering Serenity to fly them from gig to gig...

But that's just me...

It's funny you should mention that, because I had an idea for a sequel of sorts with YOU CAN'T GO HOME AGAIN that follows the four month period of River and her dealing with The Signal and their rising success, her relationship with Johnny but primarily with the relationship between her and Gabriel. How at first it's insanely tough since he's just in this massive depression and doesn't even want to leave his bed let alone the apartment. And with her rising career in music, she doesn't have as much time as she'd like to. But very slowly, he starts coming around and he even comes to one of their rehearsals, overhears The Dude talking about money, and it sparks something in him that brings some life back to him and he becomes their financial advisor. He learns to adapt to the new economy and helps the band with their money. And two songs I wanted to feature in it is "Top of the World" by The Dixie Chicks (one of the saddest songs you'll ever hear. The lyric's pretty much describe what is going on in Gabriel's mind) and "Still" by Alanis Morrisette (which is River's way of showing Gabriel that she's forgiven him).

I just wanted to explore the role reversal I had between them. How River is the caregiver and Gabriel is the one whose lost his shit and now has to find his way back. Like a more tender version of the Walter/Peter Bishop dynamic in FRINGE.

I also had one more chapter in mind with YOU CAN'T GO HOME AGAIN where basically Simon and Kaylee come to the conclusion that they can't stay on Serenity anymore, they go to Kaylee's homeworld and set up a garage/clinic in her hometown. They say their goodbyes, and on the night before they open, Simon gets a package, opens it, finds the equivalent of an iPod Shuffle from River with a note from her with instructions to play it on the night of the first snowfall, which is that night. Simon goes outside, looks at the falling snow, listens to the song, thinks about the life he's had and has an epiphany that allows him to finally forgive his father.

Those two and the Shooter stand alone were the remaining fanfics I had left in me. That and an epilogue series of the crew members each leaving Serenity on their own. First Book, then Jayne, then Wash and Zoe (and as a funny little epilogue, they do meet up with Signal and Wash fulfills his drummer fantasy and subs for George one night) finally leaving Mal and Inara as the last two people. You can imagine where that goes.

Also, with the Shooter stand-alone, I wanted to expand his character to show how obsessed he is in getting unbelievable footage. You know how in FIREFLY/SERENITY there were those exterior shots of the ship that looked handheld and intentionally amateurish? Shooter would be the guy holding the camera. How he's a mix of those cameramen who get those unbelievable shots of extreme sports and Howard Hughs from THE AVIATOR (At one point in his life, Shooter would have yelled "WHERE THE HELL ARE MY GORRAM CLOUDS!!!).

But just due to real life, terrible procrastination and just a waning lack of interest in the FIREFLY franchise, I just don't think I have it in me to finish or even start these off.

But I'm glad that I can finally share with you guys what I was going for. And just to pay back those who actually cared about my stuff, here's the final scene in my YOU CAN'T GO HOME AGAIN saga.

It was a quarter after two in the morning. It was his turn to tend to Brooke. He noticed that she tended to cry and fuss at around this time in the morning. He slipped out of bed, letting Kaylee go back to sleep and silently entered her room. She quieted a bit upon seeing him and was asleep by the time he had changed her and rocked her for a few moments in his arms. As he put her back into the crib, he paused for a few moments to watch her sleep. “She sleeps like her mother.” He thought this as he no

BRIGLAD

Friday, June 12, 2009 3:43 AM

Wow. You still have it my friend...

Brian

REGINAROADIE

Friday, June 12, 2009 3:46 AM

Thanks. That's actually been sitting on my hard drive for a few years now. I had just never gotten around to writing the scenes that get us there. That's kind of my writing style. I write what scenes are freshest in my mind. Like I have my endings and beginnings figured out, it's the middle parts on how to get there that are tough.

**************************************************
"And it starts with a sentence that might last a lifetime, or it all might just go down in flames. If I let you know me, then why would you want me? Each day I don't is a shame. Each day I don't is a great shame."

Loudon Wainwright III - "Strange Weirdos" off the "Knocked Up" soundtrack

BORIS

Friday, June 12, 2009 4:06 AM

I don't write my own stories but I retell the mundanaties and "not-so-mundanaties" of my life in story format. I mainly got into the habit when working with kids as they were highly entertained by it and kept begging me to tell them stories. Now it's a habit I can't shake....my adult friends are not as keen as the kids, though I can usually be relied upon to provide the entertainment whenever things get boring or awkward. I hear myself telling the stories and cringe inwardly. the length of the cringe is determined by the audience's reaction.

MAL4PREZ

Saturday, June 13, 2009 4:03 PM

I can hardly get through a paragraph of any of my fics without wanting to re-write. Mostly wording arrangement details, though there's occasional blatant mistakes in POV *shudder* or lazily formed transitions or stupid lines of dialogue that don't work.

But, really, I try not to worry about my poorly written stuff. You never get good at anything unless you spent a lot of time being bad first. Fact of life.

So I have to say that my biggest cringes come from the "deep" scenes, the ones that contain strong emotions, whether happy or sad or whatever. I can't reread many of those. Whatever it was, I really, really believed it when I wrote it. I *felt* it. That's revealing in a way that I'm not quite comfortable with. Even if I think it was a decently written and necessary scene, I don't want to revisit it and have to imagine what readers must think of me. Now that's scary!

Fic-writer pyschology 101. :)

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