The Adventures of Jeremy - Book 2

POSTED BY: Succatash
UPDATED: Thursday, March 11, 2004 07:55
VIEWED: 10958
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EBONEZER

Monday, March 1, 2004 1:10 AM

An brittish man with a pipe stepped forward. A subtitle read:

A Very Important Historian

"We join our heros," he began, "at a significant lull in the story."

Teela is shown looking around, Jeremy is trying an ancient native american fried egg sandwich dance, and Tash is bubbling annoiedly.

The VIH continued: "The Maniac is currently in the hands of universal studios."

The Maniac is shown rubbing soup in the hair of the surprisingly calm Universal Studios Goonies.

"Joss is still missing."

Joss is shown gagged and tied to a chair, "Mmmm mmmphh mmmmfffff!" (subitile: You idiots forgot about me!)

"Oh yeah, I know we were forgeting something," Teela said absently.

The VIH continued, "And a man named St. Jayne is currently the sex-slave for the guys with blue hands."

A man with blue hands stands with a whip, "We were in the market for a midget but what can i say? He was on sale."

The VIH shook his head and contuned, "And little Kaylee finaly did get Simon into bed with her."

Simon looked up, "What the hell are they doing in here?"

SUCCATASH

Monday, March 1, 2004 1:17 AM

Finally, the sounds of the Quad grew louder as Mal and company returned.

"We couldn't find the naked guy" said Mal. "Let's cut our losses and get out of here."

Simon looked at Teela and said, "I will always love you." He turned to leave.

"Wait!" cried Teela. "Can I have one more kiss?"

"We better not," answered Simon. He gestured to the Tash jar. "I recognize that old model 125 from my classes at the academy. It can only simulate vomit once per day. If Tash throws up again, his system will overload and he'll surely die."

Teela glared at Tash but said nothing. Simon boarded Serenity and the ship flew away.

EBONEZER

Monday, March 1, 2004 2:08 AM

They turned there heads up to watch Serenty leave. A fried egg sandwich landed on Teela's face.

"Jeremy! You wanna explain this to me?"

"My sandwich!" He picked if off her face and took a bite, "Needs salt."

"So fine the maniac, or save Joss?" Tash asked.

"What about St. Jayne?" Teela asked.

"What about him?"

"Joss." They all said at once and grabbed onto each other so they could fly off and find him.

"Question." Tash said, "How do you know Joss is this way?"

Teela pointed to a sign:
Evil Bad Guy Hideout This Way
Two for One Thursdays - save one captive get one free!

They found a building which they presumed was the hideout by the neon signs saying, HIDEOUT!

Then landed outside a door and wondered what to do next.

"Knock?" Jeremy suggested.

They did this and a large man opened the door.
"Reservations?" he asked

"Not exactly," Teela said, "Were here to rescue Joss?"

"Oh yes," he said, "right this way."

He led them down a hall and into a large room with a fireplace, chandaler, and one of those little dolls with heads that say GOO.

"Please sit down. Tea will be served shortly, and out director will be in to discuss the terms of the rescue."

With this the man left.

---------------

And the Oscar for getting the story going again goes to...

TEELABROWN

Monday, March 1, 2004 2:40 AM

Teela is being ponderous, since she has had of late had not enough sleep. "Would Niska have 2 for 1 Thusdays? Nah, probably not."

"Your tea, sirs and miss. Sugar?"

"Sure, why not?"

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

YOSSARIAN

Monday, March 1, 2004 2:57 AM

*Interlude by Teela's brain*

Ni haody. Now, Teela. Why haven't you been concentrating on getting Joss out? You're going all philosphical with me. Which suits some people fine, but it's NOT YOU!! How did I get stuck in such a person?

Yossarian would live forever, or die trying.

EBONEZER

Monday, March 1, 2004 3:40 AM

OOC: Um everybody, Succatash just pointed out to me that i made a small mistake in them flying off because they're super suits are gone.

My bad.

Soooo. Let's just pretend the hideout had a free and complementary shuttle transport system, and that's how they get there.

and now back to the show

----------------------------------------

Jerery took a sip of tea and burned his tounge, "Ow! Hot!" He stuck his tounge out and flapped it around trying to cool it off. Then he decided that hopping out of his chair and jumping around the room would help. It didn't really, but Jeremy didn't see that as a reason to stop.

The Director stepped in, "Hello Madam," he said, kissing Teela's hand, "my name is The Director."

"Oh, well that's just..." she realized that Jeremy was still hopping around like a maniac, "Please, excuse my friend," she said, slightly embarrased, "Jeremy, sit down this instant."

"Yeth ma'am," he mumbled and sat down.

The director nodded a welcome to him and then noticed Tash, "I'm sorry, pet's are not alowed in the Hideout."

"Pet? Who are you calling a pet! I am not a pet!" Jeremy said, outraged.

"I was referring to the head in the jar," the director looked down his nose at Jeremy.

"Oh," Jeremy said, "Look over there! A shiny new change of topic!"

"I'm sorry, but we will have to ask your pet to leave. Heads in jar's are against health code."

"But he's out friend, couldn't you make an exception?"

"I have feeling you know," Tash grumbled.

The Director looked hesitant.

Jeremy put his hand on The Directors hand, "I'll make i worth your while," he winked.

The Director removed Jeremys hand, "Kindly never do that again and I will forget you so-called, friend. Now then," he pulled out a breifcase and sat down, "may I offer you some dinner? Our food is very good. We captured a french cheif just last week."

"Oh no thank you," Teela said politly.

"As you wish," the director said, "Now, let us discuss the terms of Rescue."

A man in a flashy suit walked in and said, "We have some very special rescue options for you tonight. Choose door number one, door number two, or door number three. The choose is yours Teela B!"

"three! Three!" Tash shouted out door three

"Two! One! no Three!" Jeremy shouted out.

"Two!"

"Three!"

"Two!"

"Two"

"One!"

"Three!"

The guy in the flashy suit stuck the microphone in Teela's Face, "So what's it going to be?"

"Oh It's tough, but I'm going to take door number three."

"Let's see what you've won!"

A door labeled 3 opened up, "You've won a new car! With it's V8 engien and fully automatic transmission the new Nissan Xterra gets you where you want to go!"

"A new car? What kinda crappy rescue option is that?" Teela complained.

"Remember folks," the anoncer continued, "to spay and neuter your pets. That's all we've got time for today on the Rescue is Right, Goodbye everybody!"

"So what are the REAL rescue options?" Teela asked.

"You've chosen our lovely parting gift," the Director said, "have a nice day." he picked up his breifcase and left.

"Oh I've had it," Teela said getting in behind the wheel of the bright yellow Xterra, "Come on Jeremy, and grab Tash."

"Shotgun!" Jeremy called and got in, tossing Tash into the back.

Teels gunned it and crashed through the wall and into the next room where she found...

TEELABROWN

Monday, March 1, 2004 4:10 AM

"Joss!" All exclaimed excitedly.

"A little late, but at least you tried. Hey, where'd your suits go?"

The Jar O' Tash pipped up. "Oh, it's a long story. Um, do you need help?"

A voice came out of nowhere. "In a minute, you all will."

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

EBONEZER

Monday, March 1, 2004 4:33 AM

"Get in Joss!" Teela called.

"Shotgun!" he called.

"No way! I already got shotgun!" Jeremy exclaimed.

"But i wan't shotgun!" Joss complained.

"I got here first!" Jeremy stuck his tounge out at Joss.

"Jeremy!" Teela yelled, "Get in the back!"

"But-"

"No buts! You got to ride in thr front now Joss get's to"

Gumbling Jeremy got into the back and Joss got shotgun.

"If you are quite through," the voice said, "then AH!"

the AH was in refereance to the disembodied voice getting run over by the Xterra.

"Wow, this thing does have a nice susepention doesn't it," commented Teela.

"Oh yes," everybody agreed.

"Looket all the cup holders."

"Oooo, heated seats."

"Not such a bad parting gift after all."

"Oh it's great."

"Top notch"

They drove through a few more walls and then out into the night air.

"Now then," Joss started, "You got may package, right."

"Oh so your the one who sent it," Teela said, glancing at Jeremys hat.

"It almost killed Tash here," Jeremy said.

"Yes, he's been known to do that."

Teela choaked, "He?"

"Yes. Maniac, Maniac Whendon."

"Maniac?" Tash sqeeked.

"Yes, my brother."

"Brother?" Teela went pale.

"Yes, you have him right?"

"Um, well..."

"That is to say..."

"Oh look at that great rock out there."

"You don't have Maniac?"

"Oh that Maniac sure yes, of course we have him," Teela's palms were sweating.

"Oh him yes! Yes of course!"

"Yes! Of course! of course!"

"Of course!"

"Yeah," Jeremy said, "and by of course we have him we really mean no we don't."

"No."

"Not so much."

The grinned at Joss who was gripping the dashboard in anger.

WREN

Monday, March 1, 2004 12:58 PM

"Has anyone else noticed the Doctor is with us?" asked Jeremy
"Doctor Who?" responded Teela
"Precisely," said the Doctor, who was sitting on the back seat with Jeremy.

Teela blushed. "I am so sorry Doctor," she said, "I forgot all about you. I think all that kissing has affected my brain. Errrm what are you doing here?"
"This is the Tardis," said the Doctor, "I made it look like a Nissan Xterra to help save you."
"I thought it could only look like a police box because the part that alters the shape was broken," said Jeremy, pleased to be showing off his knowledge. "Well I fixed it," snapped the Doctor, "now do you want to go home or not?"

"Can't leave yet, we have to rescue someone else," answered Teela.
"A red haired, semi naked man with soup and paper in his hair?" asked the Doctor.
"Yes," said Teela in suprise.
"He's in the boot," said the Doctor, "I rescued him from a bar brawl. Now put your foot on the accelorrator and hold on tight."

Teela did as the Doctor ordered. There was a dragging sensation, Pink Floyd music filled the air, then they found themselves on a street. From the police sirens, gun shots and loud music they knew it was America. Climbing out of the car Jeremy walked over to the newspaper stand. "It's the day after we left," he said, "and we are in L.A."

"Got to go now," said the Doctor, "invasion of the Daleks to deal with and K-9 has a modelling assignment for some lollipops." He let Maniac out of the boot and then the Tardis disappeared.

"So what should we do now?" asked Teela.
"I would suggest we run," responded Joss.
"Why?" asked Jeremy, looking around for trouble but not seeing any.
"Because whenever the Tardis lands something such as monsters, robots, or mad women wraped in tin foil, usually appear and start causing trouble," said Joss. The others thought for a moment, realised Joss was right and began running down the road.

WREN

Monday, March 1, 2004 5:04 PM

They eventually grew tired and stopped. Behind them they could hear loud bangs and see bright lights.

Looking around they found themselves in a graveyard. Maniac lifted his leg and peed up a grave. He let out a large burp, then curled into a ball and went to sleep.

"I am getting a bit tired of asking this question," said Jeremy, "but what now?"

A noise drew their attention. Joss gestured for silence and crept commando-like through the grass. A few minutes later he was back. "You have got to see this," he said. The others followed him, Teela carrying Tash.

Peering round a tomb they saw a stunningly beautiful, but slightly anorexic looking teenage girl fighting a bunch of men dressed in suits. Everytime she killed one a pile of sewage would appear. "Should we help?" asked Teela.
"Seems to be doing fine on her own," observed Tash.
"How does she manage to do those high kicks and backward flips without showing her nibbly bits?" wondered Jeremy. Everyone turned to look at him and he blushed. "Did I say that out loud?" he asked. They turned back to find the fight over and the girl gone.

"Who was that?" wondered Jeremy.
"I am Felicity the Fox Executive Slayer," said a voice behind him. Turning they found themselves confronted by the girl. "It is my duty in life to hunt down and slay all Fox Executives. Who are you?"

Once introductions had been made Felicity explained that only one slayer was born every generation. The power she had came from the first slayer who had been made to watch Fox reality shows non stop for a year. A Sensor trained each slayer, hers was named Gerald.

"Do you stab them through the heart like vampires?" asked Joss.
"Not quite," said Felicity. She pulled a glowing red hot poker out of her backpack. "I have to shove this poker right up their ars......" Letting out a yell she did two flips and demostrated on a Fox Executive who had been sneaking up on them.

"What's with the sewage?" asked Tash.
"Once their corporeal body is destroyed they return to their true form," explained Felicity.

Jeremy noticed another suited man. He tried to do a high kick, but ended up knocking himself unconcious. When he came to he was introduced to Felicity's boyfried. "But your a Fox Executive," said Jeremy.

The boyfriend explained that he had worked happily for Fox until a script about a Firefly and it's crew landed on his desk. Upon reading it he suddenly regained his soul and made it his mission in life to bring Firefly to the masses. He had told the 'Powers That Be' that it was a space western reality show involving men who liked arson and women who loved flies. They had loved the idea and handed over the money. "I always wondered why they agreed to fund the show," murmured Joss.

"What is your name?" Teela asked the boyfriend.

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