Thirty-Fourth Floor: Strays Welcome
POSTED BY: LightMeDark
UPDATED: Friday, December 22, 2006 00:26
VIEWED: 14188
PAGE 4 of 20
Erm, guys, it's happening again, can you get his medicine I'll hold him down.
More insane ramblings by the people who brought you beeeer milkshakes!
No one can see their reflection in running water. It is only in still water that we can see.
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Quote:
Originally posted by citizen:
I'll hold him down.
You can't hold me down! I'm made out of antigravitons.
David
"Not completely as well as the series of Firefly..." - From a review of Serenity at amazon.de
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HA HA HA!
That was wonderful, Dave!
Now can you do "Every Single Horror Movie Ever Made in 60 Seconds"? Please?
Serenity,
President of The Juggled Gosling Chatroom
Bride8
http://callmeserenity.livejournal.com/
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Quote:
Originally posted by CallMeSerenity:
"Every Single Horror Movie Ever Made in 60 Seconds"?
6 teenagers (The Jock, The Nerd, The Black Guy, The Cheerleader, The Unpopular Girl, and The Unpopular Girl's Annoying Younger Sister) are driving through a remote forest when their car breaks down. After arguing about who's fault it is for a while they decide to walk back to a gas station so they can call for help. On the way they see an old abandoned house by the side of the road. Since at that exact moment it starts to rain they decide to take shelter in the Creepy Old House In The Middle Of Nowhere.
*string instruments play dissonant chords*
The teenagers argue some more about who's fault it all is as they try to get a fire going in the fireplace and look about for some form of working plumbing. They split up to explore the house. The Unpopular Girl hears a noise in a room off the main hall and nervously opens the door to investigate. Something goes flying past her as she screams.
*string instruments play dissonant chords*
False alarm it was only a cat.
The Jock and The Cheerleader find a diary in a desk in one of the upstairs rooms and start reading it. It tells the story of how a midwife and her idiot son were accused of witchcraft and burned at the stake by the villagers and of her dieing curse to kill all who reside within the village forevermore.
*string instruments play dissonant chords*
Meanwhile The Black Guy gets the fire going while The Nerd gets water from a pump out back and The Annoying Little Sister is Annoying. The storm gets worse as night begins to fall.
*A lightning flash illuminates two figures in the woods and string instruments play dissonant chords*
The Jock produces a bottle of whiskey from somewhere and procedes to get The Cheerleader liquored up. The Nerd hits on The Unpopular Girl but even though she is unpopular she still has standards and isn't about to be caught swapping boddily fluids with a nerd in a creepy old house in a rainstorm. Which leaves The Black Guy to be Annoyed by The Annoying Little Sister untill he decides to get another pail of water from the pump out back.
*lightning. sounds of wind and rain. string instruments play dissonant chords*
The Black Guy is hit over the head with a shovel. He dies.
Inside The Nerd has stopped trying to sex up The Unpopular Girl and goes looking for a DSL line he can jack into so he can download some hot cheerleader pron. The Annoying Little Sister is sitting by the fire with her back to the door as somebody sneaks up behind her.
Boo, says The Nerd and The Annoying Little Sister jumps up to the ceiling and screams. Which covers the sound of The Cheerleader Screaming as
The Jock is beheaded in front of her eyes by a shadowy figure that had crept in through the window.The Unpopular Girl runs to see what's wrong with her Annoying Little Sister and finds her jibbering while The Nerd tries to comfort her in a totally innefectual way. Then The Cheerleader comes into the room covered in blood and faints.
When The Cheerleader comes to she tells the rest of the teenagers about The Midwife and Her Idiot Son and about seeing The Jock's head being forcibly removed. After which The Annoying Little Sister wonders where The Black Guy is since he really should have been back with the water by now.
*string instruments play dissonant chords*
The Nerd goes out back and discovers the body of The Black guy and turns to run back into the house. Too late as it happens as the figure of a woman looms out of the fog with a blunderbuss intent on aerating The Nerd's intestines.
She succeeds.At the sound of the antique gun firing The Cheerleader goes completely unhinged and runs out of the house, through the woods, and smack into a brick wall.
The impact kills her immediately.Back in the house The Unpopular Girl and her Annoying Little Sister baricade themselves in the front room and jump at even the slightest of sounds.
*string instruments play dissonant ch
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But still VERY good!
Yay!
Okay, now do Every Kung Fu Movie Ever Made in 60 seconds!!
(I could do this forever, so feel free to stop at anytime. You tell funny stories!)
Serenity,
President of The Juggled Gosling Chatroom
Bride8
http://callmeserenity.livejournal.com/
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Also, my 60 second obsession is inspired by this website, that amuses me muchly. http://www.rinkworks.com/bookaminute/classics.shtml
Favourite of all time: HAMLET!
Hamlet
Whine whine whine...To be or not to be...I'm dead.
THE END
Serenity,
President of The Juggled Gosling Chatroom
Bride8
http://callmeserenity.livejournal.com/
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Quote:
Originally posted by LightMeDark:Quote:
Originally posted by Jadehand:
I may be out for a while due to tech issues. hope to return soon.
Well, so much for Christmas. Bad news: Spent far too much fixing my system. Good News: It's fixed. Bad news: I'm Back. Good News: I'm still evil.
"All these years
Truth In front of my eyes
While I denied
What my heart knows was right."
Neverland(Marbles)-Marillion
visit WWW.Marillion.com for a better way of life.
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Quote:
Originally posted by Karel:
*awaits the return of Jadehand*
--Karel.
Await no more. I've returned.
"All these years
Truth In front of my eyes
While I denied
What my heart knows was right."
Neverland(Marbles)-Marillion
visit WWW.Marillion.com for a better way of life.
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Quote:
Originally posted by CallMeSerenity:
But still VERY good!
Thanks. 'Twas but a trifle though.
Quote:
Okay, now do Every Kung Fu Movie Ever Made in 60 seconds!!
The Young Man Who Thinks He's The Greatest Martial Artist Alive is disowned by His Father The Renowned Martial Arts Master for a grievous breach of family honor (failing to fart during the pudding course maybe) and is thrown from his home and chased out of his village by his fathers students - individually no match for his skill, strength, and stamina but together sufficient to overmatch his prowess.
He wanders pennyless and alone untill he comes across an annoying old man sitting by the side of the road. Thinking to shut the old coot up The Young Man Who Thinks He's The Greatest Martial Artist Alive aims a distracted backhand slap at the old man who proceeds to beat him into the turf in a dazling display of martial acumen. The Old Man explains that he is the last surviving master of a form of martial art so brutally effective that there is no known defense against it.
Of course The Young Man Who Thinks He's The Greatest Martial Artist Alive absolutely must learn that style of fighting so he begs and pleads with The Old Man untill he relents and agrees to take him on as a student. The Young Man Who Thinks He's The Greatest Martial Artist Alive is set by his new master, The Old Man, to doing a variety of apparently mundane tasks in inneficient and uncomfortable ways. Moving water from one bucket to another using a demitasse cup held only with the ring and pinky fingers while balancing on a tight rope 10 feet off the ground to name one for instance.
After many humorous scenes involving this weird form of domestic drudgery and The Young Man Who Thinks He's The Greatest Martial Artist Alive's attempts to circumvent the onerous and tedious aspects of his duties and of course getting caught slacking off The Old Man explains how this was all very specific training in the techniques of the Most Brutally Effective Martial Art Style Of All Time Against Which There Is No Known Defense. After which he tells The Young Man Who Thinks He's The Greatest Martial Artist Alive that he has learned all he can from his master and must now walk the world to hone his skill.
Several years later The Young Man Who Thinks He's The Greatest Martial Artist Alive is ushered into a private meeting with The Head Of An Unnamed Intelligence Agency who explains that his particular services are reqiuired to infiltrate a Secret Society Of Martial Artists plotting to take over the world. He is given a flimsy cover story, a one way ticket to some city in the general vicinity of Asia, and the address of The Hidden Fortress of the Secret Society Of Martial Artists.
Of course you can't just walk into The Hidden Fortress of the Secret Society Of Martial Artists and ask to be shown to the office of it's Diabolical Leader. You have to beat up 20 or 30 flunkies first so The Young Man Who Thinks He's The Greatest Martial Artist Alive proceeds to pummel stuntman after stuntman while off screen the sound guy tenderizes a slab of Grade D meat for the crew's lunch.
Suitably impressed the Diabolical Leader invites The Young Man Who Thinks He's The Greatest Martial Artist Alive to partake in a tournament the winner of which will be invited to join the ranks of the Secret Society Of Martial Artists and the losers of which will be removed from the premises in body bags.
There is a five minute display of virtuosity in the use of nunchucks for no adequately explained reason at this point after which The Young Man Who Thinks He's The Greatest Martial Artist Alive sits down to dinner with the Diabolical Leader, the Diabolical Leader's young, beautifull, and deadly daughter, the Diabolical Leader's Favorite Henchman, and the other contestants in the tournament. Among them the Black American Special Forces Veteran, The All Germany Bare Fist Boxing Champion - very large and very nordic, and several others we are shown but who have no dialog. During the dinne
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jadehand:
Await no more. I've returned.
teh Jade are returned! yaaaaaaaaaaay ;D
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