Male and Female Imponderables- real wild children
POSTED BY: msg
UPDATED: Friday, October 6, 2006 22:31
VIEWED: 18065
PAGE 12 of 14
Howdy FMF. Long time.
Those are some good guidelines.
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Hey - I forgot the games question... was it a question? I love those flirting games - the ones where you catch another person's attention and along the way find out/reveal more about one another - but I have never understood the 'jealousy games' where I've seen people play one 'potential' off against another! Where would that lead? ... nowhere I'd want to go!
Also - I completely understand and respect people's choices regarding the 'not-marrying thing' and I think they've all explained it well,... & I think my conviction about my sister & her family is evidence that I believe it has to be right for each party involved! ...but for me a marriage is more than just a ceremony or a piece of paper... it's a commitment for life, made in the presence of your friends and family so that they too are part of the commitment. I remember taking very seriously that I (along with everyone there) was asked to support a friends' marriage at their ceremony and I said 'I will' as a part of that - when they had marrital problems I was there and she said it meant a lot that I took that seriously - they reconciled, with counselling and lots of work and now have a stronger marriage than ever!
I like to feel that I have a role in their marriage - even though I'm not one of the two parties! 
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Quote:
Originally posted by msg:
Wow we have Penguin(s) in triplicate...LOL
So to ponder- What 5 qualities do you think make a good marriage?
Mine are ( in no particular order)
1-Respect for each other
2-Forgiveness
3-Passion
4-willingness to compromise(or see the other's point of view)
5-Willingness to keep trying and not give up on each other
I choose to rise instead of fall- U2
Honesty is a biggie. Not to mention faithfulness. Although I would be willing to forgive if I didn't find out by the "other woman" calling me at work, telling me she is pregnant (with teh child he would nto have with me because he "didn't want to share his toys", direct quote) and have him say he didn;t want to tell me because he didn't want to ruin my holidays. Erm.
I didn't believe in divorce before that.
"Do not go gentle into that good night....
Rage, rage against the dying of the light. . ."
--Dylan Thomas
Though my soul may set in darkness
It will rise in perfect light.
I have loved the stars too fondly
To be fearful of the night.
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I agree with you, Ms G, which is why I say that during sex it's a whole other thing. I was talking about my ramble yesterday that I never played 'hard to get' when it came to sex, and I think my ex found it les and less exciting. Yes, I let him tie me up, and I tied him up and tortured him, and that was all plenty exciting for me. Just, looking back on it, I get the feeling that he, as I said, had some kind of addiction to things being difficult, and he never, ever had to work at getting me into bed. That's what I meant. I have plenty of games I'd play IN bed (the good kind of games) just don't like to play annoying mind games. Ever. Let alone when it comes to sex.
Ok, see, that was TMI 
My fault, I brought it up.
I like the idea of summoning. I've tried to do a few 'bring a perfect love to me' spells, but they've all been little things. Have to be careful with those things.
*shudders at spider-talk* I've gotten a little bit over my fear of squishing them, but I hate cleaning it up! They're still so creepy, even after they're dead!!!
*laughs a little* Ms G, you will be convinced my best friend is crazy (well, cuz she is) but she actually thinks tarantulas are very cute. *shudders again* She likes all spiders. She used to be phobic, then woke up and went to buy a taratula. She doesn't even get it. But she rhapsodizes about her spider the same way she does about her gorgeous cat. I've known other people with a similar attitude. *more shuddering* All I can say is, were she and I to ever be roommates, there would have to be some kind of understanding about the spider, because she does take the thing out to pet it and stuff, and I would be SO freaked if it was just running around the house. And female tarantulas can live for up to 20 years! Gaaaaaaaaaah!
Anyway.
RMMC, you have an excellent list there.
Hey CK! Are congrats in order on the not smoking anymore? That is quite a run! Good for you!
Did I miss anything?
*edit* Yes, I did because people were posting while Iw as reading and replying! Hiya, jie-jie! 
You put marriage things in good perspective, I think.
Belowzero, eh, that totally sucks. Honesty is always the best policy (another thing that many, many people say they believe but then chicken out...)
Well, I think I'll go sit by the bonfire now.
http://www.bigdamnthankyou.com - show Universal your gratitude!
We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow in sunlight. - Gautama Siddharta
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Quote:
Originally posted by nvghostrider:
Any hoo, speaking with my bestest friend over the phone and I thought of something.
I want so bad to fall in love, but I'm thinkin' I have no clue how anymore.
Not that there are according to Hoyle rules, but it might be nice to have 'em.
Would it ever!!!
Been 10 years for me since I even been *kissed* by anyone other than my kid and my cat....
If my house (crappy apt) was on fire I'd start chucking stuff out the window. I know I would try to save my son's baby book but honestly, when we had forest fires a couple of summers ago and they were getting close, I couldn't decide. Living things get saved first (cat, kid, frog, fish) and obviously I better grab keys and clothes. But other than that most of it can be replaced.
My son has my last name. I have my unwed mom's last name, which I believe was my grandmother's as well. My son did get his dad's last name as an extra middle name but it wasn't a long one so it was no big deal.
I agree with those who mentioned marriage as a kind of ownership; I've always kind of felt that. Not that I wouldn't be handfasted or I won't commit; far from it. The one marriage I had, I lost everything that meant anything to me: land, self-respect, self-esteem, ability to love....never gonna do that again.
And the only name I would even consider changing my last name to is "Fillion." LOL I just had to say that!!! (altho basically I probably wouldn't just cuz I wouldn't want to get "Are your elated to...?")
"Do not go gentle into that good night....
Rage, rage against the dying of the light. . ."
--Dylan Thomas
Though my soul may set in darkness
It will rise in perfect light.
I have loved the stars too fondly
To be fearful of the night.
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Ok, on the name thing. I really don't know. I like my last name. I also like my mothers last name (they got divorced and she took back her maiden name). I'm very close to both my parents and would like to pass on both of thier names if I ever have kids. If the guy is a part of the picture I wouldn't wat ot cut him out of course. I like the idea of letting the kids choose.
As to taking his name for myself. Not so much. as I said I like my name. It's mine. And not doing the hyphen thing I already have two middle names I don't need two last names as well.
I don't know. I've just never had anything in me that wanted to be married or be some guys wife. If I meet the right guy maybe I'll do one of those handfasting type things. Something that works for both of us. And definately NOT in a church or with christian preist. My cousin was recently married by a man wearing a roman collar and reading form the bible. It felt so false to me. She's gotten pregnant four different times off of four different guys and I don't hink she's attended chuch since she was about eight years old. I do not want something like that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Op: You're fighting a war you've already lost.
Mal: Yeah, well I'm known for that.
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About marriage. I'm married these are good things:
Not fighting: If we have an arguement we have a speaking stick. Whoever has the speaking stick is the only person who is able to talk. If we want to talk we ask for the speaking stick.
Respect: Acknowledging my partner is a totally different human being and has different ideas.
Commitment: The honeymooon rose-coloured glasses don't last forever. Accepting that a deeper love develops after a few years that is different to when you first met. Some people say the rose-coloured glasses come off at 5 years of marriage.
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Dumb question here - I noticed that the US members here talk about marriage as a religious ceremony only - do you guys not have civil ceremonies? I don't mean the quick legal registry office sign the paper jobs, but proper ceremonies without religious content? My H and I got married that way - we had an Elizabethan panelled room with a big stone fire-place and stained glass windows, so we had the ambience without the religiosity, and a civil ceremony with proper vows, (though without the 'obey' bit - I don't obey anybody.) It was secular, but it satisfied older members and friends of the families (including some elderly religious ones who were very worried about a 'godless' wedding.) So we have a happy commitment to each other that we made in public in front of people we chose to be with us.
And then we had a massive party with an Irish band and a lot of alcohol.
Spiders - ack. My cat just stares at them. Too lazy to catch anything, including his breath.
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No, we have courthouse/civil ceremonies. You have to go the courthouse at some point for the license and stuff, and you can do it all there and hae a judge sign it or you can have some form of preacher sign it.
I think, again, it goes back to the roots, which were religious. Which is (part of) why the religious right is kicking up a stink about gay marriage. Many states now will allow 'domestic partnerships' but not marriage. I say everyone should just have a domestic partnership. I'm tired of people nattering about the word. Stupid religiousity trying to creep into our laws 
http://www.bigdamnthankyou.com - show Universal your gratitude!
We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow in sunlight. - Gautama Siddharta
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I always found the origins of marriage really bizarre.
At one point, the woman didn't even have to be present. It was a business transaction between her father and the groom. The church blessing part didn't come until later, and that was originally just in the porch of the church.
It's a shame you don't have the same set-up for civil things. We have all kinds of places that can get a licence for ceremonies - country houses, museums etc. As long as they have solid walls and a ceiling, I think. But you cannot have any religious content. The county registrar even checks the musical choice. I saw one ceremony that had gone for pure all-out medieval gothic - as long as you have your set vows (which are short, legal and secular) and sign the certificate, the rest of it is your own to play with.
It's the conflict between legal rights that causes the hassle. Who counts as next of kin. I think civil partnerships should count - can't see much difference between them and a civil marriage.
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