Male and Female Imponderables--Delicate Sound of Thunder
POSTED BY: Tristan
UPDATED: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 15:41
VIEWED: 12364
PAGE 7 of 14
Quote:
Originally posted by msg:
Beating implies extreme physical harm ( which studies show produces, violent, irrational, and inappropriate behavior)
Absolutely. I've seen a number of examples that reinforce this evidence!
I was smacked a total of three times in my life and I still remember them (or possibly still feel remorse for the severity of the offence).
Sometimes I regret my descision not to have children (not that I currently have any father material in my life!) as I have strong views about child rearing and would like to try them out. They involve strict follow through on discipline but also positive attention such as playing, drawing or reading with kids when they're good. I hope my eldest sister lets me interact more with her twins than my middle sister has with my neice.
Case in point, she's 10 years old and a while back she came up and, quite unprovokedly, kicked me really hard in the leg. I was quite proud that I didn't get angry, just calmly and firmly asked her to apologise or leave the room until she was ready to do so politely. She promply threw a tantrum and my sister, who had watched all this, turned to me and, in front of my neice, started shouting at me for always causing trouble and never letting her have any peace!
Don't get me wrong, I adore my neice. But I don't think it's healthy for her to get her way all the time. Actually she used to be so picky with her food that my sister would give in and only feed her bare pasta or chip butties. It gave her terrible stomach problems. She doesn't have any consitancy in her life either. I've seen my sister scream at her for accidentally knocking over a drink. If I ever try to comment I get shouted at that it's none of my business, what would I know I'm not a mother and that 'I work every hour to try to buy her the things she wants'. Personally I think she could do with a few less posessions (it takes 5 hours every Christmas to open all the presents she gets, and I never know what to get her because her parents and grandparents get her anything she fancies as soon as she wants it so she never needs to look forward to anything) and a little more quality interaction.
Sorry for the rant, it's a really sore point. It upsets me when my sister goes on about how screwed up my neice is (she's a complete hypochondriac and can sometimes be really insecure with violent temper tantrums - most of the time she's sweet and sensitive though) but won't listen to any criticisms or suggestions for things she might be doing wrong.
Oh dear, I have got a bit riled over this. Guess I needed to vent!
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Hissssssssss!
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Wow, Emma. Just wow.
See, the smart folk like us need to reproduce! I'm not reproducing because I want a life and want to be able to take care of my kids before I have any. In other words, because I'm thinking. But those that think should have kids! Not that it's even an option right now. Need to find a man who can also think and then I might be able to go for it.
I'm so worried I couldn't afford to properly raise a child right now. I wouldn't want the kind of stress so many people have trying to support their family (I wouldn't want to spoil a kid, just not have to worry about feeding one, you know). I think stress would affect my possible mommy skills.
http://www.bigdamnthankyou.com - show Universal your gratitude!
Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without. - Gautama Siddharta
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Emma- wow scary what lack of parenting can do.
As for Ritalin- I have ADD ( severe) if it hadn't been for Ritalin I really think I would be a day care worker, not that this is bad, just not where I wanted to be.( I doubt I would have graduated from college) I wasn't diagnosed until college and I was always frustrated and depressed because I knew I was as smart as my friends, but my grades sucked. I always forgot things ( like assignment due dates) and I was always in trouble at home for forgetting, messing up ,etc...It was not the happiest time for me. Being diagnosed and properly treated was like a guilty verdict had been over turned I was no longer the lazy, daffy, dingbat who never " worked up to potential" I was a great student and I always got my chores and other stuff done. I have seen ritalin make a major difference and turn kids whole lives around, but I will also say that any misdiagnosis or just random medication is useless and more harmful than leaving it be. Doctors, teachers, and parents need to work together and carefully assess ALL symptoms and determine treatment for the whole problem. Not just look at a kid and say oh he's depressed medicate him ( might be depression, might be depressed due to problems caused by ADD, might be manic depressive, might be a ton of things, look first, look again, talk to everyone about what they saw when they looked, and then leap)
I choose to rise instead of fall- U2
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*Is reminded* Did you get my messages, Ms G? Have to check, you know, site the way it is at times. I will be very sad if they didn't get to you, because they were long and complicated and I didn't save them.
http://www.bigdamnthankyou.com - show Universal your gratitude!
Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without. - Gautama Siddharta
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Afternoon Ponderers,
I myself was asked to go on meds as a teen.I refused adamantly .And I'm now a reasonably sane adult.I'm not sure meds are ever the right thing for kids.A good therapist can do wonders.
My children are never hit because I don't believe it really teaches them anything.I am however very strict and expect alot from my boys.They know that misbehavior gets punished with time outs & then if that doesn't work time off from bedtimes & then other favorite things taken away for some time,like tv or park time.
Dylan my 6 year old is extremely well behaved and I hope Sean will be one day too.Although he is a little more tasmanian Devil like.So he might prove more of a challange.
PR- I have no doubt that if & when you are ready you'll be a great mommy.
Bryce
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I swallowed a bug.
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I think I might suffer from adult ADD. Or maybe I really am scatter brained. You make the call.
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see LA that's great it's also called parenting!!! I wish more parents were like you. With truly and correctly diagnosed ADD ( which can now be done using a PET scan) the meds simply replace missing and much needed chemicals the same way that insulin replaces what's missing for diabetics. I wouldn't ask a diabetic to suck it up and be ok without insulin and I wouldn't ask that of an ADD kid either. Their brain is missing crucial neurotransmitting chemicals and without them it's so much more difficult to function. Therapy can help as can organizational stratagies, but without the meds it's the difference between having a rope to help you pull yoursel fup the mountain and crawling hand over hand along jagged rocks without help. You can make it up the mountain both ways, but why would you want your child to struggle so hard when you have the power to help them...of course this ONLY applies to properly diagnosed genuine ADD and ADHD sufferers not the rantings of an irritated teacher who just wants the kid to sit or a parent who'd like zombies instead of kids. Ok I know I've been way rambling and overlong in my postings...since I might be pregnant I've had to go off my ritalin and I am having a really tough time. I forgot to get grades in. I can't focus and make concise thoughts, and I am really having trouble with maintaining my thoughs so I appologize if this is bizzare or irrelevant or ( as even I can see) really way too long!
I choose to rise instead of fall- U2
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NV_ I've often wondered that about myself too.While ago I think it might have been MSG who mentioned a develomental disorder called Dyspraxia, Now that reaaly describes me,and my Dylan.
MSG - thankfully I have no experience with ADD.I was talking more along the depression meds.Sorry to hear you're having a hard time ,but it is for a good reason !
Bryce
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I swallowed a bug.
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Just re-read my earlier post - my issue was with meds for depression. I agree with the ADD thing - kids need proper attention and boundaries. - we have evil little hellspawn that come into the shop and just run about getting ignored. One tried to stick his fingers in the meat-slicer, and the mother didn't even react until I yelled at him. She was worried I would repress his creativity. Reckon if L'il Jackson P had got his way, we'd all be watching the next Guggenheim Special in action. Nothing medical, just a badly-behaved little sod.
On a lighter note - duct tape is the way forward. Worked for Duke (Doonesbury...)
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Some sort of chemical imbalace bothers me throughout the year. May be seasonal.
MSG, I really feel for you.
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