Male and Female Imponderables--Pour Some Sugar On Me

POSTED BY: Tristan
UPDATED: Wednesday, August 16, 2006 23:00
VIEWED: 13982
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MSG

Tuesday, August 15, 2006 7:35 PM

Just decided to make my husband's favorite casserole for dinner.
Layers of ground sirloin ,thinly sliced potatos, caramelized onions, and carrots in a mushroom cream sauce:) hmm and as my training let out early I should make bread ... and maybe apple gingerbread cake for dessert.
This school stuff has put me in a fall mood and it's supposed to rain:)

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

MSG

Tuesday, August 15, 2006 9:08 PM

oooh I just thought of an imponderable... we've talked a great deal about SO and situations involving them, but how about SO's parents?
Would you seriously re-consider getting involved with someone if their family was a nightmare???

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

ZEEK

Tuesday, August 15, 2006 9:16 PM

Nah. I'm interested in the person not in who her family is. I've joked around before about being intimidated by a SO's large male protector family members, but really they wouldn't be able to scare me off if I like a person. Especially because I already know my intentions are real and I'm not just after some quick fling.

Plus it's not like I've got the sanest family on the block. I suppose everyone has some issues in their family tree. So, I'm not gonna go around judging everyone else on theirs.

TRISTAN

Tuesday, August 15, 2006 9:18 PM

MSG, if it wasn't for the fact that I was looking forward to an incredible meal this evening, I would call you an evil temptress...but with love!

Parents of the SO...funny you should mention that. The ex-wife's parents weren't a nightmare by any stretch of the imagination...but they did not speak a word of English. As my French is, at best, rusty, you can see how conversations with them would have gone. Add to that the ex not wanting to be bothered with translating anything...well, akward to say the least!
But I did date a girl in high school who's father was a vet, and met me at the door several times with a locked and loaded .45...needless to say, that relationship did not last long.

______________________________________

RUGBUG

Tuesday, August 15, 2006 9:28 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by msg:
oooh I just thought of an imponderable... but how about SO's parents?
Would you seriously re-consider getting involved with someone if their family was a nightmare???

I would wager that this is different for the sexes. I think women have a harder time with in-laws or SO's parents than men. And unless the man steps up and supports his wife/SO, there is bound to be trouble.

***************
"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." - George Bernard Shaw

ZEEK

Tuesday, August 15, 2006 9:38 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by RugBug:
I would wager that this is different for the sexes. I think women have a harder time with in-laws or SO's parents than men. And unless the man steps up and supports his wife/SO, there is bound to be trouble.

Now that you'll have to explain. I've never thought of it that way. I always see it as the guy being practically on trial. They guy has to be good enough, a provider and a perfect gentlemen to pass the family test. The women almost always seem to get the "Oh she's so sweet. She's wonderful." comments and that's it. Just my experience though.

NVGHOSTRIDER

Wednesday, August 16, 2006 1:10 AM

Parents of SO's. In most cases I'd also been friends with parents. Hate to run into them later only to find out they are better off without you. Never really had a problem with an So's parents, (except ex's parents sold weed). Okay, that may have put a little strain on the relationship.

Night everyone.

PHOENIXROSE

Wednesday, August 16, 2006 3:48 AM

Ah, romance, so hard to pin down.
Ok, here's the most romantic thing I remember ever doing. Ex of Doom and I were going to go see a movie, but it didn't start for awhile. Close to the theater was a park, a quite beautiful park, with a lake and fields and all kinds of benches and structures and the whole works. And it was moonlit, and we just went for a stroll, completely spontaniously. It was so incredibly romantic to me, so there were lots of stops for kisses. And some stops for sitting on his lap and petting his forehead. It was just nice.
We never really did anything like that again...
The day to day romance, though, was just reaching for each other's hands, holding each other at night, just taking joy in being together. That's what made the relationship worth something.
Ms G, I think now I would re-consider based on family. I tried not to let it sway me one way or the other, but if someone has a nightmare family, I think a bit of that nightmare is bound to be lurking in them somehow. Maybe they're not a truly open person, maybe they repress some things, maybe a lot of different things. I always thought people could get beyond their family if they wanted to. I still think that, I've just realized very few people truly want to. So, with my past experiences now, I would not want to be seriously involved with someone who had major family issues. At least not now; most people my age haven't had the time or will to get through a lot of those issues. When I'm older, maybe it won't be as much of a factor.
I read a book of quotes once that just made me laugh. Actually, it was two quotes in it: "When you get married, you don't marry a person, you marry a family." followed almost right away by "If you want to have a happy marriage, marry an orphan." Not sure it's always true, but probably a lot of the time it is.
Now, a few little issues wouldn't put me off, don't get me wrong. But big big issues are, well, issues. They're problematic.
My last two relationships... Let's just say the parents and I didn't see much of each other. I didn't like them. I couldn't understand how Ex of Doom's parents could have such a wonderful son. To an extent, I still don't understand it, because he was much better than they were, but he still had his issues from how he was treated (or not treated) growing up. Obviously, or he wouldn't have done his little panic run.
Aaaannnd... end of thread. Ok, gonna go eat and get some work done.

An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind. - Gautama Siddharta

TRAVELER

Wednesday, August 16, 2006 4:01 AM

Romance.

I like it. I beleave in inventing occasions just to send women flowers. I have mentioned this before, but I like creating the bouquet right at the shop. I look over their stock and start getting ideas how I want it arranged. Sometimes all white or orange. I like them bright and cheerful. Actually serenaded a girlfriend once. Maybe that's why she left. You are lucky there is no sound to these posts. Cats howl when I sing.

Yes. That is my sneaky way of bringing up cats. If I had a cat it would starve to death. I would probably come home and find a note on the door saying "Sorry found a new home where people know how to open a can of tuna." I do like cats though. They are independent. I admire that. Not that dogs are bad. Have had wonderful dogs when I was younger. But now I live in a small apartment and a dog needs space. It would be cruel to keep a dog shut up all day while I was at work.

Traveler

CALIFORNIAKAYLEE

Wednesday, August 16, 2006 4:10 AM

Hi everyone!

Things sort of exploded at work, so I haven't been around much recently, but I have a few minutes now so I thought I'd jump in on the latest topic.

As far as family goes, I think it depends on how serious the relationship is, and how close your SO is with their family. If I were just dating someone, their family wouldn't be the first thing I would look at. But as the relationship gets more serious, it's one of the many things that should be evaluated.

But I think it really does depend on how close your SO is to their family. For instance, hubby is an only child, he's been living on his own for fifteen years now, and his dad died several years back. His mom has remarried, and is retired. I didn't even meet her until the day before our wedding, though we had talked on the phone. So hubby came very much as a self-contained package.

Me, on the other hand, came with my whole family in tow. I was living with my parents and five siblings when hubby and I started dating. I moved out soon after, but we still lived in the same town, and went over to Mom and Dad's for most Sunday dinners. He met my family (all seven of them!) when we'd been dating for about two weeks. He actually managed to keep all of their names straight, which is quite a task. So I'm sure hubby was taking my family into account from the very beginning.

I got lucky in two aspects, though. First off, hubby worked for Dad before he and I met, so they've always gotten along really well. And second, hubby was married and divorced once before, and his first wife did have a nightmare family, from what I've heard. So any of our oddities, or fights, or grudges, are nothing compared with his first set of in-laws.

Anyway, I'd say it's something to keep in mind, but nothing I'd make a hard-and-fast rule about. Each situation is different.

Glad to be back, everyone! Things are likely to be crazy work-wise for the next month at least (big conference coming up, at which I'm speaking, representing *both* of the companies I'm doing contract work for, and hubby is going for the first time, so I want to show him off to people too -- yes, I am insane, why do you ask?), but I'll try to be around when I can. I miss you guys!

~CK

You can't take the sky from me...

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