Male and Female Imponderables - If music be the food of love, play on

POSTED BY: PhoenixRose
UPDATED: Wednesday, July 26, 2006 13:04
VIEWED: 18177
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STINKINGROSE

Sunday, July 23, 2006 3:37 AM

It's another name for garlic.
Garlic is good.
Of course if you spend a week in a tent it could be literal I suppose...
Or if too much perfume were applied...
Or ate too much garlic...
Well it was on the spur of the moment and it tied into the fanfic I was trying to post.
That's as much apologising as I'm liable to do tonight, sorry.

Oops there I go again.

PHOENIXROSE

Sunday, July 23, 2006 3:45 AM

Garlic? Huh. Learn something every day. Yes, yes garlic is good. Having chewed it up in raw form when I was sic, though, I can tell you it is easily overdone
There's a cute little imponderable. Who here would kiss someone if their breath reeked of garlic? If I really liked them, I probably would.

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PHOENIXROSE

Sunday, July 23, 2006 5:10 PM

Um... bump?
I'm going to bed now.

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SERYN

Sunday, July 23, 2006 10:37 PM

hello, i'm also going to bed soon - not very well at all. but i thought i'd poke my nose in.

I missed you all!

new imponderable - if your SO wore something that you thought looked really silly - a new hairdo or a bad colour in a dress or something, would you tell them?

Your robot reminds me of you. You tell it to turn it stops. You tell it to stop it turns. You ask it to take out the garbage it watches reruns of Firefly.
http://www.myspace.com/seryndippyt

SERYN

Sunday, July 23, 2006 10:40 PM

and as for garlic breath. I survived an ex coming home and breathing guinness and chilli sauce fumes all over me (just) so i'f i like them enough i could cope with the garlic. 'sides, i love the stuff and its brilliant for the immune system.

Your robot reminds me of you. You tell it to turn it stops. You tell it to stop it turns. You ask it to take out the garbage it watches reruns of Firefly.
http://www.myspace.com/seryndippyt

PENGUIN

Sunday, July 23, 2006 11:07 PM

Friends, Imponderables, countrymen...lend me your ears...

I have been asked to recruit a few of you to sell Amway...I mean a few of you to help FollowMal and others in the "Summer of Serenity" campaign. We have a list of active Firefly/Serenity forums and Yahoo! groups and would like to "assign" forums and groups to people to post at and help spread the word!

We don't have all the details worked out yet, but we would like to start sometime later this week. Please PM me if you are interested!

Thanks a bunch!

TALYNDERRE

Monday, July 24, 2006 12:36 AM

An imponderable for you, from a newbie...

If I'm in love with a young woman (my age - I'm 21), and I don't get to see her very often, am I being selfish if I take her away from her parents for an extended period of time?

Unfortunately, we were high-school sweethearts, but she goes to college on the other side of the country from the Coast Guard Academy, which I attend. She is rarely home, even for the summer (being in France this summer as an exchange student) - and right now, I want her all to myself for the three beautiful weeks of leave I get before the school year starts again.

Only thing is, her parents want her home for those threee weeks, too - and they have been utterly unwilling to compromise, going so far as to issue my beloved girlfriend an ultimatum: spend the three weeks at home with them, or not be welcome at their house this summer.

I thought, with typical male cluelessness, "great! Now we get to spend the summer together!" but my girlfriend now feels herself caught. Personally, I figure that her parents are just shamelessley manipulating her, and it gets me pretty steamed, but since I've got a sort-of adversarial relationship with them, I can't really be unbiased.

Now I'm frustrated with my girlfriend (because she won't just make a decision), angry with her parents, and don't see this ending well for anyone. Why do things have to get so complicated, and is there some way to fix it all?

Semper Paratus, mac.

PHOENIXROSE

Monday, July 24, 2006 3:49 AM

Mur. Ok, first, yes Seryn I would tell someone if I thought they looked silly. I could hardly keep myself from laughing if I thought they looked really silly, and it would be more polite to just say something.
Second, TalynDerre, that sounds like a heck of a situation. My advice, from my personal perspective, would be to back off a little bit.
This sounds counterintuitive, I know. But just listen. Right now your girl is feeling trapped, caught between you and her parents. I understand you wanting to spend as much time as possible with her because I am that way, too. But the best course of action would be to let her decide what to do. And suggest a compromise to her rather than to her parents. Say "Sweetie, I'd like to see you every other day at the very least, so please try to work that with your folks." and be all sweet and understanding about it so she wants to spend more time with you than with her unreasonable and manipulative parents. Don't ask her to choose, just give her every reason to choose you.
If you can't do that, then just avoid yelling at her about it. Tell her how you're feeling and be as reasonable as possible. Long-distance relationships are hard enough without adding tension. You don't want this to end badly, you don't want to spend time away from her while you're both steaming about this. Trust me.

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CALIFORNIAKAYLEE

Monday, July 24, 2006 5:04 AM

Quote:
if your SO wore something that you thought looked really silly...

Hubby and I just got back from clothing shopping (woo!), and the last purchase of the day was a pair of very silly sunglasses for hubby. I told him that they made him look like Miami Vice, but apparently that's come back around to not being a bad thing (thank you, Colin Ferrell and Jamie Foxx). He was so excited about them -- like a kid with a new toy -- that I finally caved and "let" him get them. But that doesn't mean I didn't giggle at him the whole way home.

Talyn, I'm not quite sure what to say to your situation, other than, I've been there myself. I think there's something weird with high school sweethearts, where each other's parents rarely seem to approve. My parents hated my boyfriend in high school, and pulled a lot of the same things your girlfriend's parents are. Except, it turned out they were right. He was a clinically depressed, manipulative, compulsive liar. Now I kinda wished I'd listened to them earlier, heh. OTOH, my parents were high school sweethearts, and there was tension between them and my grandparents, right up through when my parents got married. 26 years later though, and it's all long since blown over.

But for this situation specifically, I tend to agree with PR. I think you should tell your girlfriend how you feel about *her* -- not about her parents -- and then emphasize that it's her choice, and that your feelings about her won't change no matter what she chooses. If you can do that, you need to be prepared for her to choose to spend those three weeks with her parents.

IMO, the more stress you add to the situation, the worse it'll end. If you, like her parents, ask her to choose -- which is totally unreasonable, adults can and should have healthy relationships with both romantic partners and their parents -- neither out-come is very good. She could choose you, but damage her relationship with her parents, and might resent you later for that. Or she could choose her parents, and damage things with you. Is it any wonder she's having trouble making the choice?

If you tell her that you miss her and you love her (assuming you're to that point) and that you'd like to see her, but that you aren't going to force her to choose, then you'll be relieving stress from the situation. Her parents apparently don't think that you two have a very mature relationship, and treat your girlfriend like she's still a teenager. So show them how wrong they are. If you want this relationship to continue to grow and to last for a long time, being the mature one (as opposed to her parents) is definitely the way to go.

That said... If there's some reason you haven't mentioned that's making her parents be this unreasonable -- differences of race or religion that don't bother you and your girlfriend but bother her parents, for instance... Well then, that changes the situation. If her parents are saying "We forbid you from seeing that boy because he is ___ and we are not," then maybe you two should decide, calmly, maturely, as a couple, that you'll be better off without them in your lives. But that is a very difficult, and likely irreversible decision to make.

~CK

You can't take the sky from me...

WHITEFALL

Monday, July 24, 2006 7:54 AM

Wheee! Whitefall, back in action, on N. Irish time, and loving his tech-savvy uncle's family.

Ok, so..... to the situation at hand: Talyn... though clearly it wasnt across the country, i've done some... some travel-time based relationships with folk, and they're are always awkward, be they friend, cousin (all of them are in the UK lol, how's that for travel-time from California), or (i'd imagine) lover.

I gotta agree with Rose (not to be confused with Stinkingrose, lol) and CK on the subject. Your girlfriend is making a really awful descision, the absolute best thing you could do imo, is to relieve her of that burden, be the self-sacrificing one, and ask her to go to her parents', because you don't want to see her hurt (breaking up with lovers is one thing, parents is something else). Email her every day if you want, but don't turn yourself into enemy #1 with her parents: eventually she'll want their counsel, shes known them longer than you most like.... Bottom line, you're her friend, bail her out.

P.S. Dang% British£ Key@!~£boards!!!

"But, these strong women characters?"

"Why aren't you asking 100 other guys why they don't write strong women characters?" -Joss Whedon

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