River vs. Yoda (And Others)

POSTED BY: 13
UPDATED: Tuesday, July 4, 2006 04:43
VIEWED: 7671
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PHOENIXROSE

Sunday, July 2, 2006 6:08 PM

Yes, I was very very into Star Wars before Phantom Menace came out and ruined it for me. I think it's about the only crossover I could really write convincingly. 'Course it won't be canon since Han made the Kessel Run fine in his smuggling days and didn't end up on Persephone, but hey, are crossovers ever canon?
Anyway, we'll see how I do. Right now it's still just a plot bunny hopping 'round the brainpan.
I might need to re-read the Han Solo Trilogy to get everything right. It's been a few years.

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CAUSAL

Monday, July 3, 2006 1:19 PM

Jayne vs. Chewie
At range, Jayne (sniper rifle). Close up, Chewie (tear a man's arm off).
Zoe vs. the Potentials
Who?
Mal vs. the Cylons
Turn around and go for full burn!
Wash vs. a giant pterodactyl
In Serenity, Wash (give it some engine blast). Not in Serenity, Pterodactyl (beak and claws, people).
Kaylee vs. High School Willow
Kaylee, with a wrench.
Simon vs. the Daleks
To-wubba-who?
The Alliance vs. Godzilla
The Alliance. Geez.
The Independents vs. Dr. Robotnik
Dr. Roboto? What?
The Operative vs. Cloud Strife
Could you go for a moreobscure villain?
Book vs. Giles
Puh. Lease. Book. Any old way.
Serenity w/'the bitty cannon' vs. Voldemort
Isn't he...oh, forget it, I have no clue who that is. But Serenity, just 'cause.

________________________________________________________________________
I wish I had a magical wish-granting plank.

MSG

Monday, July 3, 2006 2:29 PM

LOL - causal I love you, but have you been living in a cave???
Voldemort= villain of Harry Potter
Potentials =all the potential slayers that were activated in the last Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Daleks= evil trashcan looking robots on Dr. Who

I love your answers though... and just for my 2 cents..Voldemort would kill Serenity with a vague hand gesture, so let's not go there!

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

CAUSAL

Monday, July 3, 2006 3:58 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by msg:
LOL - causal I love you, but have you been living in a cave???
Voldemort= villain of Harry Potter
Potentials =all the potential slayers that were activated in the last Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Daleks= evil trashcan looking robots on Dr. Who

I love your answers though... and just for my 2 cents..Voldemort would kill Serenity with a vague hand gesture, so let's not go there!

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

Actually, I have been living in a cave: the cave of simultaneous undergrad and graduate education. There's one excuse.

Another: I am really not a big fan of Buffy--I checked out at the end of season one, so never got to the final episode.

Another: the fantasy/magic-y genre peaked with Tolkien, IMHO, so I haven't really read much else. Plus, I'm a stubborn ass: the more people tell me I just have to read the Potter books, the more I hate that spectacles-wearing pipsqueak.

Another: I'm extremely discriminating with Sci-fi, and Dr. Who just wasn't my bag.

But hey, I'm glad that you love me (hugs and kisses back at ya), and that I brought you some amusement. Spoon!

________________________________________________________________________
I wish I had a magical wish-granting plank.

MSG

Monday, July 3, 2006 4:03 PM

Ok so you'll read the Tick, but you won't read Harry Potter ( which by the way is no more sci fi than Tolkien) LOL don't read the first book try the second and just forget all you have heard and read it as an enjoying moment and see...you don't have to it's just so wonderful!

I choose to rise instead of fall- U2

13

Tuesday, July 4, 2006 12:18 AM

Nobody has any clue who Cloud Strife is? Nobody knows of the maniacal Dr. Robotnik?

I feel like a such a geek.

Alright, next installment of obscure fights:

Mal vs. Roland Deschain
Jayne vs. Chaingang Bunkowski and Cujo
River vs. The Tommyknockers
Wash vs. the Spider Gremlin
Book vs. Kurt Barlow
The Operative vs. Link

and, the main event...

Zoe vs. Henri 'Papillon' Charriere

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'It's Braedan. With an A.'

'Shiny moments aren't a destination any of us get to, and stay put forever. They're unknowable, brief flashes in time. That's what makes them shiny.' -GorramReevers

GUYWHOWANTSAFIREFLYOFHISOWN

Tuesday, July 4, 2006 12:25 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by 13:
Nobody knows of the maniacal Dr. Robotnik?

I know who he is

Quote:

I feel like a such a geek.

I'm a nerd, I win

Quote:

The Operative vs. Link

Link any day

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php
-try it out, I dare you

98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

I'm so into Firefly, my butt glows in the dark.

GUYWHOWANTSAFIREFLYOFHISOWN

Tuesday, July 4, 2006 12:26 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by jedinerd7:
That sounds cool. I love Star Wars... and Firefly. That's right up my alley.

me too

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php
-try it out, I dare you

98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature

I'm so into Firefly, my butt glows in the dark.

13

Tuesday, July 4, 2006 12:28 AM

I need a Dark Tower fan to settle Roland vs. Mal.

-------------------------------------------------

'It's Braedan. With an A.'

'Shiny moments aren't a destination any of us get to, and stay put forever. They're unknowable, brief flashes in time. That's what makes them shiny.' -GorramReevers

CYBERSNARK

Tuesday, July 4, 2006 1:23 AM

The sudden yet inevitable Andromeda crossover:

Mal versus Dylan.
Sadly, Dylan would win, since Dylan always wins. (Plus, as Jayne said, beating up Mal ain't that hard. )
(Realistiically, Dylan would still win, thanks to his genetically engineered strength [his mother was a Heavy-G Worlder].)

Wash (in Serenity) versus Beka (in the Eureka Maru).
It'd be close (thanks to Beka's genengineered faster-than-human reflexes), but Wash would likely win. The Maru's faster, with better tech, but Serenity can do the full-throttle Crazy Ivan.

Wash versus Harper.
In a "funny little guy" competition. They'd probably get along great. Whoever loses, we all win.

River versus (Purple) Trance.
No fight. Only two possibilities: Either Trance would spend the crossover worrying about whether or not River's gonna reveal her Secret, or they'd both get along great, with River instantly understanding both sides of Trance's personality (the SPOILER, and the fun-loving little girl). If it did turn into a fight, it'd likely be a draw; Trance can see the future: every possibility laid over each other. Different mechanism, but basically the same edge River has. Plus Trance (in my alternaverse) still has her prehensile tail.

River versus Andromeda.
Again, no fight, but I know River would be fascinated by the tripartite AI --a single mind, but three (possibly overlapping) consciousnesses. They could trade notes on being ships.

River versus Rommie.
Hand to hand. . . too close to call. Rommie's android speed and agility would be enough to level the playing field.

Shepherd Book versus Rev Bem.
If they ever fought, I doubt Book's fighting skills have prepared him to fight a super-strong, acid-spitting, razor-clawed alien. More likely they'd just sit around the table having fascinating discussions on faith and the nature of redemption.

Jayne versus Tyr.
Tyr. No contest. Tyr is stronger, smarter, and more brutal.

Jayne versus Dylan (battle of wits).
Draw. They're both dumb as rocks.

Kaylee versus Harper.
Not a fight, but a race to see who could tear apart and reassemble a broken engine. Kaylee's intuitionis impressive, but Harper's a four-digit IQ supergenius. OTOH, he'd spend most of the time hitting on Kaylee instead of actually working. . .

Zoe versus Rommie.
Rommie. Even if her ship-body isn't involved, the android still has faster-than-human reflexes, flawless marksmanship skills, and super strength and agility.

Inara and Simon don't really have analogues, though Tyr would instantly identify Inara as the true head of Serenity. As much as Mal struts around and gives orders, she holds the true power; the Alpha female of her Pride. He'd be his typical charming self, all poetic and gallant. which would inevitably lead to:

Mal versus Tyr.
Tough call. Tyr's a much better fighter, but we've seen how much punishment Mal can take.

He'd likely also get along with Simon --it seems unexpected, but if there's one thing Tyr does sympathize with, it's the drive to protect one's family. Of course, he'd yell at Simon over his failures with Kaylee, since the other thing any Nietzschean understands is the imperative to reproduce (failure to do so is tantamount to suicide by stupidity).

All of this, of course, is just stage-dressing for the real fight:

Reavers versus Magog.

Advantage Magog. There are more of them, with higher technology, and they can turn the Reavers into breeding stock.

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We applied the cortical electrodes but were unable to get a neural reaction from either patient.

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