Male and Female Imponderables--Continued Yet Again
POSTED BY: Tristan
UPDATED: Saturday, July 1, 2006 06:00
VIEWED: 14863
PAGE 9 of 18
I think Lila is a very nice name .
At least you don't have a boy's name . My mother thought Bryce was just so original for a girl . Lucky lucky me.I get mail all the time that addresses me as mr. Drives me nuts.
Not to mention how much I was teased as kid.
Bryce
**************************************
I swallowed a bug.
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And now for something completely different (and likely to raise hackles). I didn't write this, just received it from a friend:
Quote:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that b*tch knows I'm smarter than her.
--
"That's what a government's for: get in a man's way." - Mal
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Okay, I'm speaking from a position of inexperience here, but I don't think that was a very good idea. Also, I may be coming off as unmanly here but, due to moral beliefs and personal feelings, I would rather just snuggle than go any farther than that. In a relationship, I'm looking for someone who I enjoy just being close to and holding and being around in general, because to me a relationship should be founded in the emotional and intellectual connection between the me and the other person, rather than in any purely physical attraction. Feel free to yell at me if I sound pompus or anything.
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Oh my... I have to say, I find that totally hilarious. I just hope that he went on to break up with her. Though from the "I guess I'm not having sex tonight" comment, maybe he was actually trying to use it to *help* their relationship?! That I couldn't condone, but as a break up, I find it really funny.
I guess my reason for thinking this is that I generally believe that the gulf between men and women has been artificially widened -- mainly by women, IMHO as a woman, lol. Yes, men and women are different, mentally, physically, and spiritually, and even in same sex relationships, your partner will never approach everything exactly the same way you do. We're individuals, and we can never totally walk in someone else's shoes.
But I think a lot of women play up the "men are from Mars, women are from Venus" thing. What I want to know is did she pull that stunt on purpose -- did she get into bed with the idea of sexually frustrating him to draw attention to her unfulfilled emotional needs? If so, then that's exactly what I'm talking about. Women pulling the "you don't pay attention to my emotions" trump card at the most selfish times possible, just to manipulate their man into doing what they want. And if she did it on purpose, then I think she got what she deserved, lol. (If she didn't plan that stunt, then she needs to be a lot more aware of her timing!)
Even with all our differences, I think there is very little that can't be solved with love and good communication. Leaving the stunt in the bedroom aside for a moment, I've been where she's at -- feeling like there isn't enough emotional exchange in the relationship. Early in my relationship with my husband, I started to feel like I wasn't receiving enough affection from him. We had started dating while I was on a whole "I'm going to live my life even if I get hurt" kick, so I told him straight out, "I would like to get more affection." He wasn't, by nature, a constantly affectionate guy, but rather more all or nothing (ie, big romantic evening one day, then the next sit on the couch but not really snuggle). Whereas I was raised in a household where affection was constantly shown in little moments, where my parents always snuggled on the couch, or kissed in the kitchen, or whatever. We display our affection openly, in my family, so it was what I craved in a relationship. I knew that he felt that affection for me, he just wasn't used to showing it in small ways 24/7.
I think I kinda shocked him with the request. I remember him saying it was a really strange thing to ask for, but he said he would work on it. We started developing little things that meant something only to us, started saying "I love you" out of the blue, started sitting closer together. We're both big gamers, so when we moved in together (against my parents' wishes, btw, but like I said, I was on that whole "I'm living my life even if I get hurt" kick), we bought a big dining room table to put our computers on. We still play games sitting right next to each other. Less than a year after my request, we were married, and we've really evolved into a couple that does lots of little things but few big things, and we both like it that way.
My point in all this is that I *asked* for what I needed. I did it during the day, when we were both in good moods, and hadn't had a recent fight or anything of the sort. I think in general humans spend way too much time trying not to be hurt, way to much time shielding our true feelings and our real meanings. If you go to someone you love and who loves you and say "I need this", without manipulation or coercion (whether by sexual frustration as above, or by tears, or whatever), and the other person approaches that statement with equal love and honesty, then I think there is very little that can't be worked out.
Hmm, now that I think about it, maybe I've been channeling 13 all this time. 
Or, you know, Zoe: "I'm not so afraid of losing something that I won't try havin' it."
~CK
You can't take the sky from me...
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Oh wow, I passed out this morning and slept all day! I have missed a lot! A whole new thread!
Age difference? Well, I've had several opinions on this, so bear with me. When I was younger - in my teens - I thought that even a few years was a little too much. But as I kept not getting dates because no one my age was, well, mature, I upped it a little. Now I basically would feel weird dating anyone older than my brother, who is 6.5 years older than me - getting ready to turn 28 - but as I get older still that might be upped again. The older you get, the more likely you are to be at the same place in life with someone older than you, which is really what it's all about. I'm probably not at the same place in life as a 30 year old, so it might be a little strange to date one. Other than that, I think a good rule of thumb is "If you're old enough to be my parent, you're too old to date me." That can technically be an age difference of as little as 14 years, but 18-20 or after is probably more common to have children. I've always thought men dating someone who looked like their daughter was creepy. Women dating someone who looks like their son is equally creepy, just a little less common. Long answer short (too late) if they could concievably have a child my age, it's no dice. I do tend to date older people, and be friends with older people, because a lot of people my age are reckles or immature or something. Although age isn't everything when it comes to maturity; Ex of Doom was 4 years older than me, and he still cared more about his toys than his own well-being.
I remember at one point I was talking to this guy at a grad party, a cousin of a really good friend at the time, and we babble about Star Wars for about two hours. It was really funny because he kept saying things like "Where were you when I was in high school?" and my Dad walked by at one point and said "She was in third grade!" or something along those lines. Poor boy blushed pretty badly.
We seem to have touched on tattoos again. Everyone has them, even the innocent. Everyone except me. (Heh, I know that's not true, but it's close to true and kinda funny.) I know I said this before, but I have such sensitive skin and other workings that i'm not sure what a tat would do to me. Plus anything that is meaningful enough to be branded on my skin is already branded on my heart, so I don't need to show it. Plus, I agree on the overdoing it thing, and I think there are too many people wh get addicted to the ink "high" which really kinda bothers me.
Ohhhhh, aphrodesiac food! Yes! It depends on the day and my mood, but there have definitely been times I've had some kind of foodgasm or had food otherwise put me in the mood. I think it's the mark of a truly sensual person if they really enjoy good food. Oh, strawberries, raspberries, chocolate, cheesecake, sushi... almost anything can be good if it's really well-prepared, though.
Fat issue, well, that's delicate isn't it? It depends for me. I have been in love with a few overweight people, and dated some pudgy people, and never minded. It becomes an issue to me when the body is so big it limits access to the mouth for kisses; that is just awkward, you know? As for saying something about it, I would want to know any outstanding physical feature before I met someone. I went on a blind internet date with someone once and he was nearly seven feet tall, which was a huge shocker. Not bad, but I know my eyes went wide and I think that hurt his feelings. But I think it shouldn't matter so much what someone looks like as long as you're compatible.
Oh dear NV, I'm sorry to hear that you may end up with your sister's children. It's too bad when people can't take care of their kids, but hey, it's nice they can have you!
I hated my name in school, had a lot of silly insults thrown my way. Now I know what all the symblism of the Rose is (both the symbol of the coming Buddha AND the Sacred Feminine) and I would never, ever pick a different name. In fact, I love my full name and it's meaning; "Armored Rose of Light" or something to that
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Quote:I wonder what that would be like.
Originally posted by CaliforniaKaylee:
My point in all this is that I *asked* for what I needed.
Never experienced it in my (long since ended) marriage.Quote:Again, wondering what that would be like.
If you go to someone you love and who loves you and say "I need this", without manipulation or coercion (whether by sexual frustration as above, or by tears, or whatever),
Not to say I was perfect (who is?), but that kind of manipulation (along with, I found out far after the fact, several instances of something a married person isn't supposed to do) is largely the reason I'm still, and likely will forever remain, single. Nearly all the women I've dated since then have only confirmed my conclusion, which is, as Jayne sagely put it, "I say as a rule that girlfolk ain't to be trusted."
--
"That's what a government's for: get in a man's way." - Mal
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Morning, all!
Seems like I missed a bit, too.
Weight--should not really be an issue. I am not a big fan of stick figures, but I am also not a fan of a woman who is at an unhealthy weight. If a person is comfortable with their body and has no health problems, it should not be an issue. Unfortunately, as y'all have pointed out, there are many shallow people in the world.
NVGhostrider, I am sorry you found out what you found out how you found out...damn, that's a mouthful; I hope it made sense. You are not being selfish, you are being realistic. I know enough about you that you will be there if necessary, and will do what needs to be done.
13, I have not had a chance to say so, but what you did took guts. Thank you for sharing with the class 
MSG, I love your first name!
LittleAlbatross29, Bryce is also a very pretty name. I don't think it's manly-sounding at all.
Piz, thank you for that! I have seen that somewhere before, and laughed out loud. Personal opinion time: I firmly believe that it is important to find a SO that completes you emotionally, intellectually, etc, but a MAJOR part of any serious relationship is the sexual liasons. Humans, when you boil it down, are sexual beings; some more so than others, yes. I do not think a relationship should be built purely on sex, but on mutual trust, likes, goals, etc. Attraction is important, too, but a relationship should not be based on "Oh, they're pretty. I will marry them and all will be well". I also realize that the sex between a new couple is intense, deeply satisfying, and frequent, and that the passion seems to cool down as you spend more time together. Passions cool, sex becomes somewhat routine and predictable, and one or the other partner becomes bored. You try to throw new things into the mix, the partner is not interested. You end up wondering if this is what it's going to be like for the rest of the relationship.
CaliforniaKaylee, I understand about the affection thing. I may be odd, in that I am a male that likes to have affection showed towards me...but I am also an affectionate person. I do, however, mold my behavior on my partner's, so if there is a slacking of affection from her, I reciprocate. I am glad yours seems to have worked out for you. It's kind of an object lesson to all of us: if you want something from your partner, don't be afraid to ask!
I have a lot on my mind today, apparently, but I don't want to have a novella as my first post!
I shall return with more later.
______________________________________
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Morning all- Ok Piz I loved that. It reminds me of those women who make me mental. When their SO asks what they want as a gift they say "oh anything is fine", but they have a specific thing in mind and when their SO doesn't get the hint and produce the correct present they get all angry that their SO doesn't know them....since when did relationships come with psychic powers...I'm with CK if you want something or need something open your yap and ask...it's just one of those DUH! moments. If something bugs you or causes you a problem in the relationship then say so! Don't expect the other person to translate a sulky "nothing" into " hey I'm pissed you didn't take out the garbage for the 5th week in a row and I had to do it and was late to work" I think this is why almost all my friends are male. Guys are easier, for the most part. They are pretty straight forward.If they are mad, they act mad and yell at you about what you did. I find that far easier than fake happy with later unkindness and sniping... OK now my post is long too. This is turning into long post day.
I have to go take my husband's car to be fixed, but hopefully ( fingers crossed) this shan't take long! HUGS to all
I choose to rise instead of fall- U2
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This is soooo cool!!!!!!!!!!
I got laid!!!!!!!!!!!! Finally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Post ex coming over and making me cry
Twice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~Copilot
An I carried such a torch
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morning all.
I have a question. Well really I just need thoughts. I have dark brown hair. Liberally laced with grey (I started going gray at 27) I die my hair, but it gets darker and darker - I am thinking of just going all silver. Sort if like emmylou harris
I guess I am wondering if this will just make me look old?
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