Male and Female Imponderables--Post-Resurrection

POSTED BY: Tristan
UPDATED: Tuesday, June 13, 2006 12:56
VIEWED: 20978
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NVGHOSTRIDER

Friday, June 9, 2006 5:55 PM

I love being around indepenant woman. The way women of that sort carry themselves really give me hope for humanity, (and they really make me want to procreate). What really gets me going is when an independant woman will take time from all their buisness and spend time, energy, and sometimes money on me.
I can admit to being the occasional doormat in the past. Thank god I had women around to point that out. Not much of a yes man now. I like to more or less agree while adding my point of view. And I love saying No. It is very liberating to say NO. NO NO NO.
As for the protective side of males, I have gladly accepted the place of passive resistance. Women Have mentioned that they do like the way I am able to diffuse situations. Besides, anyone who has the need to fight like children should be sent home in a full body cast. Thats why I don't "protect" physically anymore. I think I enjoyed the outcome too much. Besides, talking is much easier than fighting. Communication crestes a rapport between people. And bullets are cheaper than hospital visits.

Jayne: I was gonna get me an ear too.

SERYN

Friday, June 9, 2006 5:56 PM

Tristan -

Man - Is my wife happy? I'm I getting it right?
*asks wife, wife says yes/no, maybe with a few provisos (you could wash up more, I like it when... etc etc)* ok, great/that stung a bit, but I washed up blah blah!/ ok, try to remember that.
Is she telling me the truth? *Observes asks again maybe, etc.*
After reassurance, satisfaction.

Woman - Is my husband happy?
*asks, husband, same relpy*
What did he mean by that? Is he telling me the truth? oh god, did he hate it? Is he just humoring me? Am i a bad wife? Am I a bad lover? Oh, how long has he been hiding it from me that he didn't like it when....? Why didn't he tell me before? I should have guessed, I should have known! Why didn't I see it before! oh no, is our relationship failing? What do I do!?!

Calm down you daft cow, ask him again...

after reassurance, and more reassuranc, and more rassurance - nagging doubts.

I don't mean that men are simple, I just mean that they don't over analyse everything - there is an entire literary genre based on the fact that women overthink everything.

Of course, gross generalisation.

As for the dominance thing.and the feminist thing, and the efficiency/chivalry thing, I do agree with everything that has been said.

I don't call myself a feminist, i'm aware of the issus and cases like the one described above really get my goat. I think that all individuals, male female and indeterminate, should be seen in laws and human rights as totally equal. And thats right from getting paid the same for the same job to not being stoned to death for likeing the wrong guy. Right on down to manners like holding doors for each other, as the situation sees fit.

Saying that, women and men, personally, are very different creatures, for very necessary reasons - there are things that men can do and women can't and vise versa, thad there are behaviours, like protectiveness that are ingrained, like male protectiveness. So things like that don't irk me. Infact, being very feminine, I'd never admit it at the time but I kind of like it. What idon't like is when i'm treated like an idiot, not trusted to live my life and make decisions (that i'd been doing perfectly well at before) by some overbearing moron with a superiority complex. (the phrase 'don't you worry your pretty little head' springs to mind) Based solely on the fact that i'm a woman.

I'm sure there are more succinct ways to say this)

What I want is a partner who is a fully rounded person, with their own distinct personality and opinions, their own life, experience and allsorts, I hate those couples who become two halfs, with only a pair of tits on one to tell them apart. And in return to be acknowledged as an entire person myself. I like the looking out for each other and the protecting each other and the doing things for each other, but I don't need them and I certainly wont have them foisted upon me.

I'll edit this down at somepoint.

And wolverine - yes, in the comics he is a very different animal (literally sometimes) but in the movie his is attractive. And I suppose it doesn't hurt that he looks like Hugh Jackman.

**********************************************************
Hodgins: Your robot reminds me of you. You tell it to turn it stops. You tell it to stop it turns. You ask it to take out the garbage it watches reruns of Firefly.
FozzieWash, You know what I always say: sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug!
KermieMal, I never Know what the heck you're talking about.
FozzieWash, Hey, look! They're sending us free lumber!
http://www.myspace.com/seryndippyt

TRISTAN

Friday, June 9, 2006 6:06 PM

Seryn,

Thank you for the example. I think I understand what you mean now!
Yes, it usually only takes an assurance and then maybe one reassurance before I am satisfied that things are "ok"...but then again, I do not believe in hiding when something is wrong. I may let a few minor things bottle up for awhile, but if something is bothering me, all those involved are well aware of my feelings post-haste.
No need to edit, Seryn, thank you for being who you are!

NVGhostrider, I may talk like I am looking for a fight, but I really am not. The last time I was in a fight was in ninth grade, and I have never drawn my gun in anger. I can be very diplomatic when necessary, and am also not hesitant about vacating the vicinity of trouble. I will stand my ground if I believe there is no other way. I like to keep things happy .

____________

NUCLEARDAY

Friday, June 9, 2006 6:15 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by RugBug:
Chivalry: Good stuff if it's not over the top. I personally think holding a door is polite, whether it's for a man OR woman. I hold doors for other women all the time. Just seems like the thing to do. Holding a car door, or a chair can be unexpected and cute once in awhile, but it can get old real quick. Having to wait for a guy to get out of a car, come around to open my door so I can get out? No thanks. It's not efficient and makes no sense to me. That's when it becomes annoying.

I've found that for me, half the fun of playing the chivalric male is figuring out ways to work it in efficiently. Opening doors is easy, usually, if you do it right. I don't like to make a show of it or anything, unless it's for a good laugh like Tristan said. Part of the point is being subtle about it. It's like Simon: it's about respect more than anything. I think partly the chivarly thing is just to show we care. (Especially 'cause we're not always so good with the expressing our feelings part.)

Certain things just don't work, though. Like cars. Getting in, sure, if I'm driving and it works out that we get to the passenger-side first. Leaving, though: I can hardly expect someone to wait in my stinky car while I go around to the other side just to let her out :)

________________________________________________
You can take my Browncoat when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers. (Or if Kaylee asks me nicely...)

NVGHOSTRIDER

Friday, June 9, 2006 6:25 PM

I understand the whole threat asessment thing. Working with kids really lets you know about that whole flight thing quick, fast, and in a hurry. It feels like I've missed half my life watching and protecting and the like. Training seems to do alot of things to people and their personal lives. I would like to say that I have not had a physical altercation in either my personal or professional life in over three years. Isn't diplomacy such a warm and caring bitch. Keeping things all peaceful and stuff. Won't let the bad little boys out for air. As for the gunplay... We'll leave that for more private forums.

Jayne: I was gonna get me an ear too.

INTERLAKE

Friday, June 9, 2006 6:37 PM

hope i can jump in...
my hubby asked the other day if i wished he held the door for me more(he was good untill we moved in together then he stopped)at the time i shrugged and said "i d'unno" but as im reading your comments i got to thinking its the little things that keep a marrige going its easy to take care of the big things together when you still feel like a team and you feel more like a team when you know you apreciate each other- Chivalry boils down to showing respect and apreciation to the other party and it goes both ways

RUGBUG

Friday, June 9, 2006 6:43 PM

Although I fear being the thread-killer here with my tame questions, got another one for ya....

If rules of ethics prevented you from asking a girl/guy out, would you abide by the rules or risk it if you were interested enough?

(Yes, this is personally motivated. I'm sort of interested in a guy who is a health professional. Problem is, I was his patient. He seemed interested and let it slip that dating patients is a no-no. I am no longer his patient, but am still a patient at his office. I vacillate between him not being interested at all, he's following the rules, and disinterest on my part because this is dragging out and I'm getting bored with it all.)

INTERLAKE

Friday, June 9, 2006 6:47 PM

alittle sketchy but go for it you only live once...

TRISTAN

Friday, June 9, 2006 6:59 PM

RugBug, GO ASK HIM NOW!
*ahem* Sorry. Never stop to question these things...go with your impulses...may turn out to be the best thing you ever did. Even if it turns out badly, you will never have to say "what if". Just my humble opinion.

____________

SERYN

Friday, June 9, 2006 7:07 PM

I would say go for it, but i'm always hesitant on that score. Its not really ethics, but ialways made it a rule not to date my friends relations (brothers, ex's close cousins etc) And one time I broke that rule with a college friends brother. And I got STUNG.
Remember I said after one break up I felt nauseous for three weeks? well yeah. It was the closest i've ever come to being in love instant mutual attraction on both fronts, and he finished it bacause his sister didn't like the idea.
I could actually have killed him, and her. (Especially as less than a year later, she started messing around with an ex of mine - he was only the rebound guy, but still!)

so yes, go for it, but be bloody careful.

Yes, I'm going to stop editing - went back and removed the more flowery prose from my post on men, then had to go back and put it back in again, cause Mal said she enjoyed it, and of course I couldn't remember, so its probably even more flowery now.

**********************************************************
Hodgins: Your robot reminds me of you. You tell it to turn it stops. You tell it to stop it turns. You ask it to take out the garbage it watches reruns of Firefly.
FozzieWash, You know what I always say: sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug!
KermieMal, I never Know what the heck you're talking about.
FozzieWash, Hey, look! They're sending us free lumber!
http://www.myspace.com/seryndippyt

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