Too cute! Found at the Firefly board at the IMDB
POSTED BY: ayrad
UPDATED: Friday, February 18, 2011 06:55
VIEWED: 75349
PAGE 13 of 22
You people are TFFW (too funny for words). You damn near made me pee my pants!! I had to go--bad--but I couldn't stop reading.
Life is short, brutal, and unpredictable. EAT DESSERT FIRST.
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You guys are awesome, I'm loving the replies. I'll never look at a chicken - or a lightbulb the same way again...
Here's my two platinums worth, should you want it:
River: Please God make me a chicken!
"Whoa. Good chicken."
Jayne: The chicken will be in my bunk.
Zoe: Sir, I'd like you to take the chicken please ; I need this man to tear all my clothes off.
River: Jayne is a chicken's name.
Kaylee: I love my chicken.
Mal: Jayne? You want to tell me why there's a statue of a chicken standin' here, lookin' like I owe him somethin'?
Wash: Yeah, we should start dealing in those black market chickens.
and
Mine is an evil chicken! Now die!
Book: "I brought you some supper but if you'd prefer a lecture, I've a few very catchy ones prepped...sin and hellfire... one has chickens."
Villager: "That is a chicken."
Mal: "Yeah, but its our chicken..."
Jayne: (remarking on the unappetizing meal Simon's made for himself) "Smells like chicken."
Zoe: "Preacher, don't the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killing?
Book: "Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of chickens."
Monty: I SHAVED MY CHICKEN FOR YOU, DEVIL WOMAN!
River: This chicken is troublesome.
Regarding lightbulbs:
How Many Mals does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but the lightbulb has to really WANT to change, or it'll get sucked into an engine.
How Many Zoes does it take to change a lightbulb?
I'll just check with the Captain.
How Many Shepherd Books does it take to change a lightbulb?
- One to know the old bulb, and one to go back and look at it again after River's changed it for him.
How Many Jaynes does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to screw in the nearest roundish bulb shaped object in the dark, and the whole crew to clear up the mess afterwards when they find it was actually a grenade...
How Many Rivers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two by Two, with lights of blue.
How Many Simons does it take to change a lightbulb?
One - and he's not sure whether he should do it, but he really wants to, but that might be because it's the only lightbulb available....
How Many Washs does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to change it, and one to marvel about how changing a lightbulb is almost like science fiction...
How Many Kaylees does it take to change a lightbulb?
(no. I just can't improve on the "one to say it's shiny" joke previously. Sorry! I love that one.)
How Many Inaras does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to change the bulb, and seventeen to change into many different glamorous outfits WHILE changing the bulb. With extra jewllery. And one to bathe the bulb lovingly with a sponge in soft focus.
How Many Niskas does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two - one to slowly and painfully remove it from its socket, and the other to finally see th real lightbulb.
Sorry 
_______________________________________
I'll be in Wash's bunk.
Hiding from Zoe. And from chickens.
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(Posted this one in another thread but this seems to be The Place for it)
Q: How do you make a hormone?
A: Barge into her shuttle uninvited.
And back on the subject of lightbulbs...
Q: How many Kaylees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. But not if it's a Capasun 48 lightbulb, they fall right out of the socket.
Q: How many Kaylees does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but if the lightbulb's run on batteries, you may have to wait a while...
Gorram it, I thought of some chicken ones too before bed last night, but they've completely vanished out of my head now...
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Okay, just a quick one to resurrect this thread:
How many Niskas does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one. But he'll make it last as long as possible. Days, if he can.
--
"Mei-mei, everything I have is right here." -- Simon Tam
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Book: I don't care if you make it across the road or not. So where does that leave you?
Niska: I think we will meet the real chicken now, hmmm?
Inara: You're a big chicken. You can take it. Just cross the road.
Mal (seeing a small explosion of feathers): What was that?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't disagree on any particular point.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
It got stupid. The money was too good. But then the road threatened to dump it out the airlock and it repented...
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Quote:
Originally posted by Knibblet:
How do I say this without being ... mean?
C Thomas Howell? What, if anything, appeals to anyone about C. Thomas Howell? He was the only drawback to "Kindred". To see the rest of the show, I had to suffer through his utter vacuum of personality.
How do I say this without being mean?
Last time I checked, all of the actors did a good job. What show were you watching?
At last.
We can retire and give up
this life of crime.
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That's awesome! Every one is perfect....
People love a happy ending. So every episode, I will explain once again that I don't like people. And then Mal will shoot someone. Someone we like. And their puppy. - Joss
" They don't like it when you shoot at 'em. I worked that out myself. "
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these are great!!!
i know the post hasn't been added to for a while but i had to add mine ;)
Wash - Were i unwed, i would take you in a chickenly fashion..
"Oh my god. What can it be? We're all doomed! Who's flying this thing Oh right, that would be me. Back to work...."
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
Mal: Chicken's a might whimsical in the brainpan
or alternately: You can't take the chicken from me
I really can't beat most of the ones already posted (laughed so hard I cried) but just to keep this thread alive...
Mal: And Kaylee, what the hell’s goin’ on in the engine room? Were there chickens? Some terrifying space chickens maybe got loose?
Zoe: Sir, I think you have a problem with your chicken being missing.
Zoe: Can I have your chicken?
Mal: No.
Zoe: If you die, can I have your chicken?
Mal: Yes.
River: It's chickens.
Mal: If your hand touches chicken, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you.
Mal: You can't open the book of my life and jump in the middle. Like chicken, I am a mystery
Jayne: All I got was that dumb-ass stick that sounds like it's raining. How come you got a chicken?
Kaylee: It looks like it was made with, you know... longing. Made by a person really longed to see a chicken.
Simon: You know, I've saved lives. Dozens. Maybe hundreds. I re-attatched a girl's leg. Her whole leg. She named her chicken after me. I got a chicken. He drops a box of money, he gets a town.
Kaylee: Chickens is nice.
Mal: One of you is gonna fall and die. And I'm not cleaning it up.
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