Top Five Untrue Conspiracy Theories

POSTED BY: chrisisall
UPDATED: Sunday, April 9, 2006 07:19
VIEWED: 3644
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CHRISISALL

Tuesday, March 28, 2006 3:22 PM

5) Cheney shot his pal on purpose as per a gun lobby request to promote hunting, and show how safe it is-even if you're a moron.

4) Black helecopters have a 'whisper mode' they can switch to. (That's just stupid. They're made to be quiet like that ALL the time.)

3) "They Live" is really a documentary.

2) A lot of oil comes from the Middle East. (It's actually piped in from wells in Africa, and made to look like it comes from the Middle East. This gives us a reason to mess with those towel-heads.)

1) The Bush administration is ruining world co-operation and trust, and bringing on the next world depression through extended war in an attempt to get us all to the Apocalypse because they want God to 'sort us out', like it is described in the scriptures. (That's dopey. Religious nuts don't even read the Bible or Koran. They're doing it cause they don't know any better, that's all.)

Chrisisall

HERO

Tuesday, March 28, 2006 7:16 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by chrisisall:
5) Cheney shot his pal on purpose as per a gun lobby request to promote hunting, and show how safe it is-even if you're a moron.

Thats ones just silly. It true he shot his friend. Its true he shot on purpose. Anything else is just speculation.

Quote:

4) Black helecopters have a 'whisper mode' they can switch to. (That's just stupid. They're made to be quiet like that ALL the time.)

Its true that the military has black helicopters that are nearly silent which are used for special forces and covert operations. But there's nothing sinister about it. They paid a consulting firm several hundred million dollars (back when Clinton was in office) and discovered that the brightly colored really loud helicopters were more likely to be seen at night then black quiet ones. So the special forces got the quiet ones and the Coast Guard got the loud ones.

Quote:

3) "They Live" is really a documentary.

Not true. The movie is an artistic film documenting professional wrestlings struggle for acceptence as a legitimate business in mainstream America.

Quote:

2) A lot of oil comes from the Middle East. (It's actually piped in from wells in Africa, and made to look like it comes from the Middle East. This gives us a reason to mess with those towel-heads.)

This plot began during the Crusades when the Jews and the Knights Templar convinced Da Vinci to hide the secret of Middle Eastern oil inside his greatest works of art and continues today with Tom Hanks' plan to eliminate the Shiite sect of Islam by exposing the Da Vinci Code which is really an internet virus that will bring about the long dreaded third sequal to 'The Net', which will NOT star Sandra Bullock.

Quote:

1) The Bush administration is ruining world co-operation and trust, and bringing on the next world depression through extended war in an attempt to get us all to the Apocalypse because they want God to 'sort us out', like it is described in the scriptures. (That's dopey. Religious nuts don't even read the Bible or Koran. They're doing it cause they don't know any better, that's all.)

Bush is really trying to save us all from the crazy Iranians and their plan to bring about the Apocalypse and in turn cause the 'Hidden Imam' to reveal himself on next season's 'The Apprentice' which will come from Los Angelous and bring about an end to all things.

H

KHYRON

Tuesday, March 28, 2006 11:49 PM

Hero, you're beginning to sound a bit like Piratenews these days .

Other people can occasionally be useful, especially as minions. I want lots of minions.

WIX

Wednesday, March 29, 2006 12:42 AM

Other people can occasionally be useful, especially as minions. I want lots of minions.

Gads, me too.

"Sir, I think you have a problem with your brain being missing."

CHRISISALL

Wednesday, March 29, 2006 4:04 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Hero:

3) "They Live" is really a documentary.

Not true. The movie is an artistic film documenting professional wrestlings struggle for acceptence as a legitimate business in mainstream America.

LOLROTF!!!!!
You is funny, H.

Chrisisallhahahahaha

SASSALICIOUS

Wednesday, March 29, 2006 4:39 AM

Quote:
This plot began during the Crusades when the Jews and the Knights Templar convinced Da Vinci to hide the secret of Middle Eastern oil inside his greatest works of art and continues today with Tom Hanks' plan to eliminate the Shiite sect of Islam by exposing the Da Vinci Code which is really an internet virus that will bring about the long dreaded third sequal to 'The Net', which will NOT star Sandra Bullock.

Hahahahahhahah!!!! I laughed my ass off.

GINOBIFFARONI

Wednesday, March 29, 2006 5:32 AM

#1: "The evidence indicates that Iraq is reconstituting its nuclear weapons program ... Iraq has attempted to purchase high-strength aluminum tubes and other equipment needed for gas centrifuges, which are used to enrich uranium for nuclear weapons." -- President Bush, Oct. 7, 2002, in Cincinnati.

#2: "The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa." -- President Bush, Jan.28, 2003, in the State of the Union address.

#3: "We believe Saddam has, in fact, reconstituted nuclear weapons." -- Vice President Cheney on March 16, 2003 on "Meet the Press."

#4: "[The CIA possesses] solid reporting of senior-level contacts between Iraq and al-Qaeda going back a decade." -- CIA Director George Tenet in a written statement released Oct. 7, 2002 and echoed in that evening's speech by President Bush.

#5: "We've learned that Iraq has trained al-Qaeda members in bomb-making and poisons and deadly gases ... Alliance with terrorists could allow the Iraqi regime to attack America without leaving any fingerprints." -- President Bush, Oct. 7.

#6: "We have also discovered through intelligence that Iraq has a growing fleet of manned and unmanned aerial vehicles that could be used to disperse chemical or biological weapons across broad areas. We are concerned that Iraq is exploring ways of using these UAVs [unmanned aerial vehicles] for missions targeting the United States." -- President Bush, Oct. 7.

#7: "We have seen intelligence over many months that they have chemical and biological weapons, and that they have dispersed them and that they're weaponized and that, in one case at least, the command and control arrangements have been established." -- President Bush, Feb. 8, 2003, in a national radio address.

#8: "Our conservative estimate is that Iraq today has a stockpile of between 100 and 500 tons of chemical weapons agent. That is enough to fill 16,000 battlefield rockets." -- Secretary of State Colin Powell, Feb. 5 2003, in remarks to the UN Security Council.

#9: "We know where [Iraq's WMD] are. They're in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south, and north somewhat." -- Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, March 30, 2003, in statements to the press.

#10: "Yes, we found a biological laboratory in Iraq which the UN prohibited." -- President Bush in remarks in Poland, published internationally June 1, 2003.

Couldn't pick just five...

" Over and in, last call for sin
While everyone's lost, the battle is won
With all these things that I've done "

The Killers

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/killers/allthesethingsthativedone.html

HERO

Wednesday, March 29, 2006 2:10 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by GinoBiffaroni:
Couldn't pick just five...

Everything you listed is either true, thought to be true at the time but later shown to be incorrect, or part of an Iraqi deception to make it appear true.

I don't see the problem. Saddam had a massive program to conceal and distort its WMD capability. He was seeking materials to reconstitute a nuclear program. He did develop missiles capable of hitting Isreal. Those documents and audio recordings just released indicate operational planning that was underway between Iraq and Al Queda and there was a large Al Queda base in northern Iraq and other AQ operatives living or visiting for treatment in Baghdad. Saddam orchestrated the largest fraud in human history by using the 'Oil for Food' program to undermine the UN and bribe officials in large countries such as France, Germany, and Russia...all in an effort to weaken the resolve of the world coalition that was standing in the way of Iraq's continued beligerance.

Its also clear that Iraq is a major part of the broader War on Terror. In the short term we have created a means for thousands of Al Queda and their sympathizers to rush to the sounds of the guns and die in combat. It brings the enemy to us, to fight on ground of our choosing (as opposed to fighting in Boston or LA or anywhere you can cross the undefended Mexican border and kill some gringos). In the long terms the creation of two stable democracies in the region will provide for long term stability and social change in a culture that seems mired outdated thinking (in much the same fashion we accomplished with Japan and South Korea).

H

CHRISISALL

Wednesday, March 29, 2006 2:47 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by GinoBiffaroni:

#6: "We have also discovered through intelligence that Iraq has a growing fleet of manned and unmanned aerial vehicles that could be used to disperse chemical or biological weapons across broad areas. We are concerned that Iraq is exploring ways of using these UAVs [unmanned aerial vehicles] for missions targeting the United States." -- President Bush, Oct. 7.

Of all of them, this is the stupidest piece of nonsense I've ever heard. This is a straight out LIE from the administration (How a lie and not a mistake? Nobody, repeat, NOBODY is THAT stupid in Washington. Sure, they're not brilliant mostly, but they're not actual morons. The voters on the other hand...Particle Beam defense in orbit, anyone?...War of the Worlds on radio was taken as true, also).
Yeah, they have lousy scuds, but highly advanced UAV's to deliver their WMD's to U-N-ME.

Thanks Gino, for the reality check.

Chrisisall

CHRISISALL

Wednesday, March 29, 2006 2:56 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Hero:

Everything you listed is either true, thought to be true at the time but later shown to be incorrect, or part of an Iraqi deception to make it appear true.

H

In other words our intelligence isn'nt ever accurate, and always lacking (in coloquial terms, it sucks), yet we continue to make major decisions based on it. That seem right to you?
Of course it does. America never makes a mistake that is her fault.

Chrisisall

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