Getting Book Published
POSTED BY: queenofthenorth
UPDATED: Friday, March 17, 2006 04:43
VIEWED: 28642
PAGE 7 of 14
Great! Thanks for the praise. I don't mind the criticism as long as it is honest. I just don't like people who say that it sucks just for the hell of it.
"Well, then, I believe perhaps that I am, in fact, completely screwed."
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Chapter 12: Back to Fallor... here I come.
Although 13, Betrayal, sounds way more enticing.
Busy weekend ahead but I'll be done and all opinionated and typewriterish about it before the next weekend rolls around. (and no, I haven't skipped forward and read the ending).
XG
No such thing as gravity. The "Earth-that-was" just sucks.
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So, my first review in less than a week. Here's hoping it doesn't warp my fragile little mind 
.
"Well, then, I believe perhaps that I am, in fact, completely screwed."
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Ya know what Queeny? Normally I could tear thru a book like yours in one sitting. I like to devote private time, shut out everything, and read my ass off. I have'nt been able to do that. I've been reading the book piecemeal and it's hard to henpeck at it like that. SOOOOooo.. I'm starting from the beginning.
AND, I'm going to dish out my criticism and my praise one parcel at a time. Might as well start right now... (and I warned you, no kid gloves, I'm an asshole, but a blunt and brutally honest one):
...and PS to all the rest of you Whedon-shmoozing fanboi-ish and fangoil-ish types:
This is now a private "public" thread between Queeny and I. I bought her book and you didn't. You should! But you obviously haven't. You feel like commenting in this thread? Read the above. Follow the links, spend your coin of the realm, read her book, and voila. You're qualified to participate in this thread. Otherwise.. piss off.
I begin... (it'll get better, I promise you! I'm just really harsh with the first part of this)...
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I hate to open up by being ugly but I'm being honest.
The beginning of the book moves way too rapidly. Aldrain's background story with his father being killed by warlocks, his magician's training (or lack thereof), and his mother's role as council to the king, desperately needed to be fleshed out. It's a great premise, but sparse on details. It's such a pivotal and traumatic start to his young life. I feel you should have approached it with that classical "Once upon a time..." narrative-style. There is so much to work with here, yet you do far too little with it.
It was totally emotionless.
I'm wondering why the kid isn't freaking out and crying an amazon river when his father gets the magical fire-from-the-fingers nuke. That kind of death is worth crying over. Or roasting chestnuts and marshmallows over. Noble deaths deserve some kind of weeping. Hell I periodically cry for hungry suffering children in 3rd-world countries (especially when I'm cutting up onions and people are watching).
Anyhow, he's escaping through a tunnel and taking a boat to wherever. Here again, I think the story is lacking in detail and a sense of logical progression. I'm thinking, Ok, his pappy just got fried, nuked, killed, murdered, perished, made-dead, deadified, "X"d out, scratched off the roster, privately invited to the pearly gates, dispatched with, etc., and now... is this kid gonna go try and track down his absent mother (cavorting with the sexy king? is this some kind of weird love triangle thing?)and warn precious "Ma'maa" about the warlock assassins or just take the first boat out of "Dodge"? Obedient son that he is, he goes for the boat. HEY! Who cooks better? Gourmet Mammy or pappy? He so betrays his tastebuds.
...more coming shortly... taking a prolonged smoke break... oh shutup already! I'll be back.
and when I do, I'll be the biggest most critical prick on the face of Earth (and several other planets ~ I've been merciful up until now, but my whip is thirsting for blood *diabolical Muhahahaha laughter*)...
seroiously... I got some criticyziheeng (sp?)
gyahh! what?
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this could potentially be a really long ass cigarette break.
maybe.
xg (i'm boycotting caps)
(nextpostimightboycottthespacebarintheinterestofsavingspace) (maybe)
nosuchthingasgravitytheearththatwasjustsucks
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Ok.. more book evaluation... I warned you!
We find ourselves following Aldrain to his escape pod, the ship that will carry him off to a safe harbour. He spends 30+ seconds or so talking with a common sailor and is invited aboard, taken for a grand tour of the boat, and asked to join the crew (by the same lowly sailor). This doesn't make much sense. Is he gonna talk to the ship's captain? Are these seafaring men of the ocean going to investigate his story in any detail? He just escape an assassination plot that killed his father (?), aren't they the least bit curious about it? What about money? Does he have enough money to pay for his passage on the boat? If not, will he maybe take up a job for a time as cabinboy or deckhand and earn his place sailing the high seas? Does he have a coin purse to pay, or maybe some family heirlooms to trade (rings, necklaces, etc.)? Is he travelling beggar-express, or maybe he got denied passage and stowed away?
At this point in the book, I'm full of questions. Too many holes in the plot for it all to make sense. We jump 20+ years into the future (with no details of the time inbetween ~ which is why I have so many questions)...
All in all, we're off to a very weak start. You could have had alot of fun elaborating on the details here, but you just kind of zoomed thru it at breakneck speed. This is the most critical part of any good book, the beginning. I didn't have the start of his life explained to me, I just got left with lots and lots of questions.
You have to get your meathooks into a person and capture their interest upfront. You can narrate too little (which you've done), or narrate too much, which J.R.R. Tolkien did. Ever read "The Hobbit"? That is one of my alltime favorite books. However, Tolkien bored me to death with the first chapter. It took years for me to read thru it. Longwinded waste of my time.
Drunken dwarves endlessly singing. I'd start reading it, then put it down. People raved about what a great book it was, so one day I bit the bullet, and read thru the BS. When I finally got to the meaty parts in the book, I was totally in love. I couldn't put the book down. I tore thru it and when I got to the end, I immediately began to reread it (minus the hammered-ass dwarven blotto poetry).
That gin-spinner Bilbo must make one helluva martini. Gandalf I imagine is more of a sly whiskey drinker (scotchy rotgut ~ hold the hobbit-olives, "nuked, not stirred").
I've read that book (and LOTR) 5 or 6 times in my life. Some books are so worth rereading. They don't leave you asking questions, except for maybe WHY OH WHY MUST I LISTEN TO FRIGGIN DWARVES SING?
My vision of hell is a bunch of drunken dwarves singing "How dry I ammmmmmm" endlessly.
XG
done for tonight
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Okay, I figured as much. Being that I did write that entire first part in about three days, I think it's not bad. It was more about the beginning than Aldrain anyway, but I'll give that to you.
More narration in the next book. Okay, no problem, I can do that. I was already thinking along those lines anyway. Oh, and I'll be sure to include about 5-10 pages worth of drunken dwarves singing, just for you. 
"Sir, you actually said 'wink, wink'. I don't think that -"
"Oh, you'd be surprised."
"Yes, the new plan will STILL involve rocket skates."
"YAY!"
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Ok. One more major dose of harsh criticism, then it's fairly smooth sailing. I'll still have criticisms but they'll be rather tame by comparison. I'll leave the bearded beerguzzling musical midgets out of this one.
Picking up where I left off...
20 years later. Aldrain, sorcerer's apprentice, is living in a hut with his elderly guru. It has that whole "Luke and Obi-wan" vibe to it (which is better than "Skipper and Gilligan"). Enter stage left, Princess Tanoya (his half-sister). I'm thinking Leia. The plot is still moving forward too fast. Before I know what hits me, the world is exploding and Aldrain and Tanoya are escaping into the "World Beyond". Somewhere inbetween, the royal family got whacked, they've rallied the troops, stormed the warlock castle, suffered a defeat, etc. It felt like the Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire summarized in cliff notes. Too much action condensed into too few pages.
It's been fairly disappointing up till now. Forgettable characters and a blur of storytelling. The outline of the plot is great, the delivery poorly executed. Alot of missed opportunities.
BUT, Here's where you really shocked me. At this point in the book, I'm thinking "predictable" and "boring". Suddenly the story does a complete and total 180. We've turned some kind of corner and your writing starts to take off. One minute you're pelting me with grapes, the next you're dropping a small building on me.
When Aldrain and Tanoya are in the ethereal "World Beyond", I find myself unexpectedly swept into the story. The characters take on new dimensions. She has that shapeshifting goddess from Mount Olympus thing going on, and Aldrain starts feeling like Merlin, the immortal arch-magi from Arthurian legend. The whole thing is very dreamlike, and the writing is beautiful. And original! By the time I read through this part of the story, I'm picking my proverbial jaw up from the ground. You really thought this part out. The dialogue is a little shaky at times, but the storytelling is solid. This is where the book earns it's title.
Your development of a romantic creationist mythology is brilliant. It feels like the pantheon of the Greco-Roman gods retold with a "Sword and Sorcery" theme. I also enjoyed the rationale behind the 5 elements of magic, that whole Zen balance in the universe thing. Very clever. When the world is being reborn and reseeded with magical plantlife, the imagery is very vivid. You repopulated the world with animals, humans, elves ("second sight" ~ nice touch!), dwarves, dragons, unicorns, and the messengers of the gods. Very very cool. You did a superb job describing all of this. I was blown away.
You score one final amazing bit of praiseworthy writing in this part of the book. The last brief part ~ the warlocks repopulating the other half of the world with their demonic minions. Ahh... the chessboard is set. Game on.
XG
I'm done for today. I'll put on my supervillain cloak tomorrow.
No such thing as Middle Earth. The "World Beyond" just took over.
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Wow, XG, that was a lot of very nice praising. Are you feeling ill? Do you need to lie down? I know it hurts the first time.
In all seriousness, though, thanks very much. This was the part I was most sensitive about, because as you say, I did invest a lot of thought into this. I expected you to tear it a new one and you really liked it. Incidentally, my dad also liked this part. He said it made him stop and think "huh, I wonder if that's how it happened." Which is what I was going for.
That was what that part of the book was about, not Aldrain. I just told what I thought were the relevant points of Aldrain's history in connection with the beginning of Fallor. Although you were right that I could have done a lot more with it. I may go back and tell Aldrain's story in a lot more detail at some future point.
Anyways, back to work. Sigh.
"Sir, you actually said 'wink, wink'. I don't think that -"
"Oh, you'd be surprised."
"Yes, the new plan will STILL involve rocket skates."
"YAY!"
Like books? Go to this thread: http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=14862
to find out how to buy mine!
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