The Browncoat Tequila Melee

POSTED BY: Archer
UPDATED: Thursday, June 5, 2003 04:53
VIEWED: 3196
PAGE 1 of 1

ARCHER

Saturday, May 31, 2003 8:08 AM

As is commonly known by people who actually pay attention to us, all six of you, Wulfhawk Lerx and myself have been planning to settle our differences in a Tequila Duel.

The inquiries have been made, and none of the worthy parties chose to retract the injurious statements made that led to this regrettable necessity.

All well and good. Tequila duels are a common means of resolving differences between gentleman.

However, as of tonight, Lerx has upped the ante. (Perhaps unintentionally, but them's the breaks.)

Our Tequila Duel has been upgraded to a full-blown Tequila Melee.

This of course is a much more serious situation, rooted as it is in the Ancient Codes and Forbidden Laws. I for one will still stand in the face of this escalation, with nary a quaver in my voice or a wobble in my knees.

Yes, there is a point to this besides getting myself in another fresh thread. Because the fallout from Tequila Melees has been known been known to lead to severe injuries and fatalities among bystanders*, I hereby open up the floor to nominations for those whom our Browncoat comrades think the world is better off without.

Why waste a golden opportunity? The Melee will take place in Odessa, Missouri at a date yet to be specified. That gives all of you time to come up with sacrifices... er... witnesses to this spectacle.

*The last known Tequila Melee took place in Lakehurst, New York on the date of May 6th, 1937. You can read a typical, sanitized version of what happened here.
http://www.owlnet.rice.edu/~anguyen/univ/future.html
Unfortunately, this account also fails to take into account the true causes of the incident. But that's public education for you.

There ain't nothin' I can't overcome or come to know. So lay your heavy load down on me, strip everything I have away. I am not your prisoner, I am not afraid.

ARCHER

Saturday, May 31, 2003 8:18 AM

Furthermore, in keeping with the brutal savagery to come, I am hereby declaring that the tipple of choice has been downgraded to as many bottles of Juarez's finest Chamucos-brand silver tequila as needed.

I must honor the traditions of my ancestors in this matter.

There ain't nothin' I can't overcome or come to know. So lay your heavy load down on me, strip everything I have away. I am not your prisoner, I am not afraid.

SARAHETC

Saturday, May 31, 2003 12:59 PM

Okay.

I'll be there with a snorkel and my BHG 9000.

Sarah

I'm a dying breed who still believes, haunted by American dreams. ---Neko Case

ARCHER

Saturday, May 31, 2003 7:22 PM

Gotta bring at least one victim, er, witness with you, Miss Sarah. If nobody springs immediately to mind, you can just grab a Fox exec.

There ain't nothin' I can't overcome or come to know. So lay your heavy load down on me, strip everything I have away. I am not your prisoner, I am not afraid.

LERXST

Saturday, May 31, 2003 10:42 PM

Or someone who regularly watches Reality TV.

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Raspberry! Only one man would dare give me the raspberry...LONESTAR!!

LOTV

Thursday, June 5, 2003 2:14 AM

This is a momentous historical event! Decades since such has occured!!!

...and more that likely I will be outta the freakin country!!! RAGRAGHARHG!!!

...tis the life of me, I suppose...

LOTV: Ima-who-whata-whoichy-whoda-whazza--huh?

ARCHER

Thursday, June 5, 2003 4:53 AM

And it's drawing surprisingly little media coverage. I guess they think they have better things to do.

Bah, they'll notice it when large chunks of interstate seventy are annihilated.

There ain't nothin' I can't overcome or come to know. So lay your heavy load down on me, strip everything I have away. I am not your prisoner, I am not afraid.