Hunt for the Secret Hidey Place of Nice Boys
POSTED BY: mai
UPDATED: Tuesday, May 30, 2006 17:49
VIEWED: 58403
PAGE 7 of 28
This IS an interesting thread...it is a lot of fun to read and witness the eternal battle of the sexes...
It is hard: nice guys suffer because so many girls want a 'bad boy'... but see, that is because they are all wanting to date the High School cheerleader, they aren't looking for nice girls
Of course I always thought 'Somewhere In Time' sucks big time, so I guess that makes me not so much a nice girl...huh?
Anyway what I really want to respond to
(my favorite hijack)
Quote:
Originally posted by batmarlowe:
This is sort of a hijack and sort of a pertinent question:
At what point in between "I don't know sir, there's just something I don't like about him" and their wedding did Zoe start to fall in love with Wash?... After he shaved off his moustache, I mean.
I think it when she saw how gifted a pilot he was.
What do you all think?
Yeah, over at Universal's board they had a writing competition: to write Zoe & Wash's wedding vows.
And I mentioned this very point:
I think Wash fell in love at first sight, that Zoe was the reason he joined the crew of Serenity in the first place.
And Zoe wasn't sure about this guy (probably uncomfortable because she could tell he was attracted to her) until she saw him fly...
those sensative and steady hands,
of course she needed him to tear her clothes off of her (just as she did in the pilot episode of 'Firefly')...so she made him shave off the stupid mustache,
because even Zoe can't resist trying to make some changes in her man (hey, she didn't complain about the dinosaurs or Hawaiian shirts!)
LOL
So advice to the young (this mostly works for young women): propinquity is your friend!
Most guys (nice or bad) are looking for a girl they can talk to AND make love to....
So if you like a guy, become his friend.
Do stuff with him, gaming, movies, whatever....
sooner or later he'll feel romantic (how often to young guys think about sex in any given hour?)
THEN be available....
it totally worked for me.......
Advice to men: you know a girl/woman you would like to get closer to, but don't know how?
Sometime when you are together just lightly rub the middle of her back (nothing sexual, just friendly like)
if she jumps and pulls away then cool it, she isn't ready,
BUT if she leans in toward you, then go for it,
she really likes you.
Just random advice from an old one.
**********************************************
watch the R. Tam Session vids: http://www.hittarivertam.nu/
and buy the 'Serenity' comics published by Dark Horse!
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Embers wrote:
Quote:
Sometime when you are together just lightly rub the middle of her back (nothing sexual, just friendly like)
if she jumps and pulls away then cool it, she isn't ready,
BUT if she leans in toward you, then go for it,
she really likes you.
....er what like if she does a kind of shudder?... is that bad?...is it? coz i get that alot...
The
Somnambulist
www.cirqus.com
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Quote:
Originally posted by TheSomnambulist:
Embers wrote:Quote:
Sometime when you are together just lightly rub the middle of her back (nothing sexual, just friendly like)
if she jumps and pulls away then cool it, she isn't ready,
BUT if she leans in toward you, then go for it,
she really likes you.
....er what like if she does a kind of shudder?... is that bad?...is it? coz i get that alot...
The
Somnambulist
www.cirqus.com
LOL
okay her response is hard to understand...then just slowly take things further,
rub her back up to the base of her neck...
gently massaging the nap of the neck
(this is an erogenous zone BTW)
could be that shudder was a pleasure response,
if so it should get more obvious.
OTOH if the shudder was more of the revulsion kind
(which can't be true!)
then she will make it clear that the whole neck rubbing thing is inappropriate.
I've been thinking about writing a book on the subject.
**********************************************
watch the R. Tam Session vids: http://www.hittarivertam.nu/
and buy the 'Serenity' comics published by Dark Horse!
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Okay...
time for me to weigh in.
I think the whole 'nice guy' thing is an illusion. Yes, there are nice guys...there are 'bad boys'...and some women like one, some women like the other and some women like both or neither.
It isn't about whether or not the guy is a 'nice guy' or a 'bad boy'...it's about chemistry.
Chemistry has to click on several levels, in my opinion.
There has to be intellectual chemistry. You can't enjoy a relationship with someone you can't enjoy a conversation with. This isn't to say, "He has to be as smart as you." It just means that he shouldn't respond to all of your statements with a blank stare. Sometimes intellectual chemistry means that they love to learn the things you know, or share the things you don't know that they do. It doesn't mean that if you like 'The Learning Channel' that you can't love someone who watches "Laguna Beach" religiously. Mahealani LOVES "Sex in the City" and I HATE it.
There has to be SEXUAL chemistry. No, I'm not talking about actually HAVING SEX(Kudos to those who wait), I'm talking about being in a relationship with someone who excites a desire within you, and you excite a desire within them, whether you do anything about it or not. What one person finds to be very attractive physically/sexually, may not be all that hot to someone else, and that's fine. But if they don't excite YOU, then it's not going to work as anything other than friendship. All you nice guys out there who watch the purse, who hold the hair, who sit on the phone for long hours while they bitch about the abusive ass who just broke their heart? That is probably what isn't 'clicking' with you and your female friend that you've been carrying a torch with for way too long.
Besides...'nice guy' and 'bad boy' are too restrictive. Let's use me as an example.
Bad Boy Qualities:
1. Rock and Roller (in a succesful band and everything)
2. Drill Instructor/Soldier Type, all hard-bitten, cynical and steely-eyed.
3. General scoundrel/rake...I love to be 'charming' at any woman in my presence. I love to make them sigh and giggle and swoon.
Ask about half the folks that know me and they'll tell you I'm a 'bad boy'.
Nice Guy Qualities:
1. I work with kids, and they are my life.
2. I never refuse any friend (and most strangers) any sort of favor or help if it is within my power.
3. I treat women in my life like queens, nay, goddesses...with respect and love and admiration.
Ask about half the people who know me, and they'll tell you I'm a 'nice guy'.
The whole thing is completely subjective. You need to look at CHEMISTRY.
http://burstsofstatic.blogspot.com
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Embers wrote:
Quote:
LOL
okay her response is hard to understand...then just slowly take things further,
rub her back up to the base of her neck...
gently massaging the nap of the neck
...should we get a room at this point...coz...it's getting kinda steamy!!!
Quote:
(this is an erogenous zone BTW)
could be that shudder was a pleasure response,
if so it should get more obvious.
..wha? bells n lights and an orchestral score..
Quote:
OTOH if the shudder was more of the revulsion kind
Ah!! Bingo!!! There it is.... Figures!
Quote:
(which can't be true!)
"Hi Embers, good of you to come. Welcome to my world!!!"
Quote:
then she will make it clear that the whole neck rubbing thing is inappropriate.
will there be diagrams? Semiphores, sock puppets?
Quote:
I've been thinking about writing a book on the subject.
Good idea. There should be a book on this stuff. I'm sure there was, thousands and thousands of years ago.... Well not a book as such more like a cave painting.....
"Take club in favoured hand."
"Then"
"With a swinging motion, hit cranium of desired female subject"
"Then"
"Take back to cave"
job done.
The
Somnambulist
"Me... I'm just a hapless egg on whom the fates have mocked to bare, the dire and comical extremities of mishap."
www.cirqus.com
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Quote:
Originally posted by LightMeDark:Quote:Quote:
CALLMESERENITY wrote
The problem is that sometimes we don't know a guy likes us. If he doesn't make a move, how are we to know?
This has always more or less baffled me. Why, especially in this time of "equality," must men make the move? It's ridiculous.
Well, I am quite an old fashioned girl. I'm not looking for equality, per say. I find that idea ridiculous. Men and women are wired in completely different ways. We think and respond in complete different ways. And this includes how we respond in our relationships.
Serenity, First Officer of Destiny
I have a live journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/callmeserenity/
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Static. Brilliantly said!
Mutual respect is a big thing. There is no such thing as opposites when the chemistry and respect are there. My wife could be considered an introvert and I'm an extrovert, yet here we are 13yrs later, still going strong.
Getting past the external trappings is hard. There are guys on my Softball team that are labeled "bad boys" due to their appearance, shaved head, goatee etc.. that are some of the nicest guys you'd ever want to meet.
I heard somewhere the key was to watch a guys eyes when he laughs. If the laughter shows in his eyes, he's genuine.
Safeat2nd, Chief Handyman of Destiny
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First of all Static: You are a Genius!! Talk about hitting the nail on the head!
Call Me Serenity: I'm with you kinda on this.
Here's how it is: I am a ballsy, brazen, pretty, loud mouthed girl. The way I see it is this, if you don't have the guts to ask me out, or even just talk to me (just talking to me is mostly enough, cos you had the guts to take the risk, to take the chance), then you probably don't have the guts/balls to deal with me. I know I'm not simple, I'm complicated, but I'm not demanding and I don't pick fights or any of that lame-ass girl crap, but I'm a handful.
I am by no means a traditionalist, but I've got terrible taste. Of the last 3 that I picked, one was a 35 yr. old janitor (I was barely 25) with rock and roll dreams, daddy issues, and was scared to touch me, also the man was incapable of getting mad at me which just pissed me off even more. One was 2 years older than me, and lied about everything from the first minute I met him, he's now in prison for molesting children and drugs! Then there was the one who was my age, but had no ambition, wanted to be a DJ, and who constantly borrowed money and asked for rides everywhere, oh yeah he also claimed to 'love me' within 1 month of us meeting. Regardless in the last 5 years my longest relationship is 2 months, and that's the only relationship, cos I know that I'll pick badly again, I always do!
So yeah, I prefer to let them pick me. It seems to work better. But boys are scaredy cats (and I hang out with boys which is probably intimidating).
Then again right now I'm pining away for a close friend who if you asked me is perfect (and who I basically told 'I want you exactly the way you are, flaws and all, I don't want to fix you or change you or turn you into someone you are not, I want you just the way you are), but when I asked that we be an exclusive thing he freaked out and offered to sacrifice our physical relationship (cos we have one) so that our friendship can remain. Which I think is scaredy cat talk. I asked him why he thought my friendship would disappear if we were 'together' (I don't use words like dating), he had no answer except to compare me to all the stupid harpies that he'd been with before. Something to the effect of: "I don't talk to any of them any more, I don't want to stop talking to you." I don't know why some men think that a girlfriend and a girl friend can't be the same person. Was there some lesson on this when they pulled you guys away for the puberty talk?
As the constant 'chick friend' (most of my friends are male), I want to offer the other view of these situations: While you nice guys sit out there and listen to the laments (of some girls, not all of us), I get to listen to this: She tried to suck out my soul, she wanted me to change, she wanted me to do this and stop doing that and blah blah blah. To which I offer, wow, she sucked, good thing that's over. Then I hear, I wish I could find a girl who wanted me just the way I am, I'm not perfect, but shit no one is. To which I die inside because I am that girl and I am sitting right in front of their face and it's like I've been delegated to 'buddy' status so I can't ever be looked at as some sort of potential. I mean we collectively lament, and it's pretty clear that I am not that girl, to which I always get, I wish there were more like you out there. Or I'd marry you if we weren't such good friends. Then they turn around and date another soul sucking pretty little thing harpy bitch, and I get left to pick it all up when she goes insane and turns into the soul vaccuum.
So yeah, it sucks on both ends.
I've also been dumped because I made a man feel like I didn't need him. Well, generally I don't need a man. I can take care of myself, I don't want your money, or to boss you around, or for you to fix stuff or buy me things or so any of that stupid demanding crap, I don't really need you for that, what I need is a partner in crime, a confidant someone who will be there to laugh with me and who will be there when I need them and who I can be there
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Quote:
Originally posted by BlackEyedGirl:
We still live in a society where it's okay to be a single man, but if you are nearing 30 and unmarried, you are looked at as strange. This isn't so true in places like New York, or Chicago or LA, but 95% of this country aren't those places. It's hard to keep fighting.
Yep. that's me right there. Apparently I'm going to expire at 30 if I don't get married and start reproducing. Just ask my parents.
You know, being single doesn't bother me 99% of the time. I'm too busy working and trying to pay off my large medical bills so I can go back to school to worry about dating.
But it'd just be nice to have the option, you know?
Serenity, First Officer of Destiny
I have a live journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/callmeserenity/
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I think my mother actually thinks that if I'm not married by 30 that I may in reality be a closeted lesbian, or worse, destined for spinsterhood. I'm an only child so my mother is especially keen on getting me a ring and a husband. My dad could care less, he just wants me happy.
So my mother offers me advise like: wear a shorter skirt, or put on some lipstick. She thinks lipstick alone has the power to draw in a husband. As if it were some magical lasso that men can't resist. She tells me things like, when you go to the grocery store, put on some lipstick, you never know when you could run into 'the one.'
She cracks me up! I mostly don't mind being 'single' myself, but i think that may be cos I'm so used to it at this point that I don't know if I could really deal with someone else 24/7! ROFL!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
http://pluraplofapocalypse.blogspot.com
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Inara: "Do aliens live among us?"
Kaylee: "Yes. One of them's a doctor."
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