Reviewers on crack...
POSTED BY: Jacqui
UPDATED: Monday, October 3, 2005 10:04
VIEWED: 6750
PAGE 1 of 3
Okay, it's almost so tragic it's laughable...
I said almost.
I was talking to my friend today and she was telling me about this review she'd read of "Serenity" which introduced the characters and had managed to label Wash as the mechanic, River *and* Simon as genius fugitives tortured by the government, Inara as the *crew's* companion and... wait for it... this is the best part... Kaylee as Inara's sidekick and companion in training.
WTF???
Did this person even *look* at a press release for the movie? Or the cover of the DVD box?
I think I might cry. Luckily, I don't think this was in any big press, because I haven't come across it anywhere. (If I did, I'd have words to say about and to the reviewer, let me tell you).
Has anyone else come across such blatant *bad* reviews?
Anyways, my friend and I are waiting for the TV spin off "Inara the Super Space Slut and her Amazing Sidekick Kute Kaylee!". Should be fun.
*sigh*
*~*~*
"Your toes are in the sand."
"And your head's up your..."
"Hey!"
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The review from Filmsinreview.com (which I am having trouble finding on their site now, but is still linked from rottontomatoes). My comments in []'s. It should be noted that this is an organization that advertises themselves as having reviewed films since 1908.
Some choice quotes:
"A comment by my husband applies here: We signed up for a friend’s weeklong biofeedback program. We left after two days. My husband told the director: “How do you tell someone their baby is ugly?”" [why does this have to do with Serenity?]
"Science now can program everyone’s thoughts and lives (For those interested, I’d like to recommend Jose M. R. Delgrado’s notorious “Physical Control of the Mind: Toward a Psychocivilized Society.”). All, except rebel Capt. Malcolm "Mal" Reynolds (Nathan Fillion) and the crew of his ship, Serenity." [Say WHAT?]
"The ship’s doctor, Simon (Sean Maher), needs help freeing his creepy, catatonic, but powerfully psychic, 17-year-old sister River Tam (Summer Glau), from the Alliance’s grip. Shoeless and dopey"
[Dopey? I looked up the definition... one applies, but the commonly held one does not.
Catatonic? um... no.]
"Fillion, an obvious alterego for Wheldon, is given all the sexy close-ups."
[So... Mal = Whedon? Hardly.]
"Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government."
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I'd watch that show...you know, if it came on HBO late at night or something...
Kidding..I kid...because I lust...LOVE...love,...that's what I meant to say...
Kaylee: "What's so damn important about being proper? It don't mean nothing out here in the black."
Simon: "It means more out here. It's all I have..."
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With held breath I waited to see how film critics would react to the film. I saw it during the June 23 screening and I left with a nagging feeling:
For the uninitiated, it may end up being confusing.
And that is precisely the kind of negative reviews I'm reading. On rottentomatoes right now is a review that says exactly that: http://www.threemoviebuffs.com/review.php?movieID=serenity I'm just glad he gave it a fresh tomatoe.
I walked out of theater happy with what I experienced. However I overheard a girl who had obviously been brought along by friends and who had never seen Firefly before. She was asking questions like "Who is (character)?" Why is that person important? What is the Alliance? On and on like that... And I knew right then that this was going to be the biggest problem with this film in getting gross sales figures up.
You see, in 1977 when star wars debued, the USA went nuts. It played in theaters for 50 weeks. That was FIFTY weeks. A whole freaking year. People just kept going back and back for more. That is why it became such a phenomenon and became one of the largest grossing movies of all time. But with Serenity, I fear that new viewers will go...become confused...and drop off the radar. Those of us who are fans will see it again and again...but who knows if it'll be enough.
I want this movie to succeed, I really do. But back in June I said out loud that I feared uninitiated film critics would be harsh, and it seems I was right.
Do not fear me. Ours is a peaceful race, and we must live in harmony.
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I too saw the Filmsinreview thingy. Mostly because I want to see the freshs steadily outweighing the rottens. That review was absolute nonsense, (and I say that as haven't seen the BDM yet). Faith is important. And adequate vaccuuming systems.
The site has an amusing archive for something that claims to have been first reviewing the film shows on the deck of the Santa Maria.
I don't have much time for any any critic who doesn't love, or even have a review for "Grosse Pointe Blank" (which incidentally I think is up there with Firefly for effective "conversions.") Nobody you kidnap, tape their eyelids open, and force to watch it can resist it. That came out wrong...
They also liked Matrix Reloaded. I've got that and tried watching it. Fights, action, cup of tea, CGI, more fights, bullet time stuff that was already old by the end of Crouching Tiger, more fights, any change of any script / plot happening anytime soon? No, but here's some more relentless (yet nowhere as near as good as "Aliens") action.
That's 12 minutes of my life I'll never see again...
At dinner I am getting earful.
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Quote:
Originally posted by thiefjehat:
I walked out of theater happy with what I experienced. However I overheard a girl who had obviously been brought along by friends and who had never seen Firefly before. She was asking questions like "Who is (character)?" Why is that person important? What is the Alliance? On and on like that... And I knew right then that this was going to be the biggest problem with this film in getting gross sales figures up.
One of the problems with this film is you HAVE to pay attention. Average moviegoers are used to not having to do so. 90% of what the audience needs to know about the universe and the characters is covered in the first 15 minutes.
It is definitely a problem, but it's not on Joss' end... I blame MTV :).
"Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government."
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Films in Review was, for 75 years, THE film review magazine, and their website is an offshoot.
Victoria Whatzername is listed as a staff writer, but I could not find her review on the site. I suspect she's using that credential to give some respectability to her review of "Josh Wheldon's" film. What I did find on the site was a wonderful review from a screening at the Edinburgh festival.
Anyone who's ever heard of Joss is going to give no credence to a reviewer who can't get the screenwriter/author's name right.
That being said, I suspect Serenity may turn out to be a film for grownups (yay!! doing the "it's about time happy dance". It may be too deep/involved for a 14 year old with a short attention span. This again, so is most anything written by Shakespeare.
At this point, what will be will be. I'm sanguine, and not in the "bloody" way.
To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks. --Robt. Heinlein
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Quote:
Originally posted by Tomanta:
The review from Filmsinreview.com (which I am having trouble finding on their site now, but is still linked from rottontomatoes). My comments in []'s. It should be noted that this is an organization that advertises themselves as having reviewed films since 1908.
Some choice quotes:
"A comment by my husband applies here: We signed up for a friend’s weeklong biofeedback program. We left after two days. My husband told the director: “How do you tell someone their baby is ugly?”" [why does this have to do with Serenity?]
Yeah, you might have skipped over bits and pieces here. This from the end of the previous paragraph...
"Universal Pictures gave him money to patch together a movie of his maligned baby."
I think she meant how do you tell JW or the fans that the movie is "ugly" as in bad.
Quote:
Originally posted by Tomanta:
"Science now can program everyone’s thoughts and lives (For those interested, I’d like to recommend Jose M. R. Delgrado’s notorious “Physical Control of the Mind: Toward a Psychocivilized Society.”). All, except rebel Capt. Malcolm "Mal" Reynolds (Nathan Fillion) and the crew of his ship, Serenity." [Say WHAT?]
Yeah, it's kind of hard to follow... But that's how the movie is going to play out for the majority of the audiences who have not already seen the OTS.
Quote:
Originally posted by Tomanta:
"The ship’s doctor, Simon (Sean Maher), needs help freeing his creepy, catatonic, but powerfully psychic, 17-year-old sister River Tam (Summer Glau), from the Alliance’s grip. Shoeless and dopey"
[Dopey? I looked up the definition... one applies, but the commonly held one does not.
Catatonic? um... no.]
"Fillion, an obvious alterego for Wheldon, is given all the sexy close-ups."
[So... Mal = Whedon? Hardly.]
She might have this one nailed, it's usually a device writers use - whether consciously or subconsciously...
Quote:
Originally posted by Tomanta:
"Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government."
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jacqui:
and... wait for it... this is the best part...
This ain't mere crack we're dealing with -- it's CRACK. That reviewer is on CRACK.
(Whole different beast.)
_________
Sliders: Gate Haven - http://slidersweb.net/blinker
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jesus is cooler than most people think.
wanna know why?
because my uncle works for christian reader or whatever and they say that firefly and serenity are awesome! i don't think it's out yet- my shiny uncle sent it to me early but watch for it. the follow up questions are laudable as well . . .
shakespeare: more words than God.
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