Divorce epidemic?

POSTED BY: chrisisall
UPDATED: Sunday, August 28, 2005 20:42
VIEWED: 3335
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CITIZEN

Thursday, August 25, 2005 11:24 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Chrisisall:
And also that strong females are cool.

Amen to that!

I don't mean to be down on parents, I have two ya know, and I hope to be one someday...
Just it bothers me, ya know, when I hear some parent say:
"How do you expect me to control my child? He/She don't listen to me!"
Its that attitude that winds me up. Theres a reason their kids don't listen to them...
They just don't see it...

Q: What do you have when you are holding two little green balls in your hand.
A: Kermit's undivided attention.

CHRISISALL

Thursday, August 25, 2005 11:34 PM

When I was 20 or so in New York City one time, my friends and I were in a fast food place, and we saw a mother, out of contol with 3 whining kids, punch her oldest boy in the face (he was like, 8), and we stood there asking what we should do. The consensus was, anything we said or did would make it worse for the kid. We felt helpless.
To some, parenting is a bad trip.

Wonder if that kid ever struck her back in all these years...

Chrisisall

SPINLAND

Thursday, August 25, 2005 11:46 PM

I imagine he's saving it up for his wife, or kids; or both. It's how those things tend to work, alas.

----
I can see you.

CHRISISALL

Thursday, August 25, 2005 11:58 PM

It's always possible he broke the chain; I'd like to think so...

Chrisisall

SPINLAND

Thursday, August 25, 2005 11:59 PM

Bully for you, sir; I've gone too cynical for such.

----
I can see you.

HKCAVALIER

Friday, August 26, 2005 12:04 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by chrisisall:
When I was 20 or so in New York City one time, my friends and I were in a fast food place, and we saw a mother, out of contol with 3 whining kids, punch her oldest boy in the face (he was like, 8), and we stood there asking what we should do. The consensus was, anything we said or did would make it worse for the kid. We felt helpless.
To some, parenting is a bad trip.

Wonder if that kid ever struck her back in all these years...

Chrisisall

Chris, as someone who struggled with that question for many years, through trial and error, I came upon the most powerful response: walk toward the parent until you have her attention and then just stand watching her. What children need more than anything else, is what Alice Miller termed "an enlightened witness;" someone there who knows what's wrong. Talking generally just gets in the way. The parent prolly won't even ask you what you want; the look on her face tells you that she knows. She'll prolly get very rational all of a sudden, very quiet, pack up her kids and get out of there quick. Those kids, though, will keep their eyes on you the whole time and they'll remember what you saw.

HKCavalier

Hey, hey, hey, don't be mean. We don't have to be mean, because, remember, no matter where you go, there you are.

AURELIANO

Friday, August 26, 2005 12:08 AM

Chrisisall, I agree with virtually everything you've said; and generally try to life my life by guidelines similar to your sound advice.

However for argument's sake, it just crossed my mind that the infamously post-modern term 'social mobility' combined with your 'cultured emotional independence' also brings with it a sense of detachment. We are all islands, and all that jazz.
There is no real stigma placed on 'spinsters' these days in most of Western society, or threat of econ/social paralysis if left unwed (even for men), as folks can even get married at the ripe old age of 31. I'll readily admit that when I hear statistics or stories of young couples getting divorced, I'll usually judge them with your criteria. But perhaps I'm not giving half these people the credit they deserve...

But in the end... i care about the (non-religious) institution of marriage too much to give in to this pseudo-liberal rhetoric about the joys of divorce.
As it was said, the roots of this increasingly jaded behaviour must lie deeper somewhere in modern socio-cultural crisis.

-
"There's a sort of evil out there. Something strange in the hills. It takes different forms, but it's been there for as long as anyone can remember. And we've always been here to fight it."

CHRISISALL

Friday, August 26, 2005 12:17 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by HKCavalier:
Those kids, though, will keep their eyes on you the whole time and they'll remember what you saw.

HK, where were you in 1980 when we NEEDED YOU??

Great, great advice.

Chrisisall

CHRISISALL

Friday, August 26, 2005 12:21 AM

There's a line in the movie Logan's Run where Logan and Jessica repeat the words 'Beloved husband, beloved wife', I love that.

Jaded Chrisisall

RUE

Saturday, August 27, 2005 2:30 AM

Quote:
Those kids, though, will keep their eyes on you the whole time and they'll remember what you saw.

It's true. And nothing will make a bigger difference for that child than that externalization. "Sometimes the most important thing to change is ... a mind."

Nearly everything I know I learned by the grace of others.

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