New Element Discovered

POSTED BY: GinoBiffaroni
UPDATED: Tuesday, July 12, 2005 02:37
VIEWED: 3595
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RUE

Saturday, July 2, 2005 12:58 AM

OK. I know thse are groaners. But I really, really like them.

SEVEREN

Saturday, July 2, 2005 4:01 AM

Awesome !!!!

http://www.constitutionparty.com

CHRISISALL

Saturday, July 2, 2005 1:40 PM

Hey, they're new to me, and gorram hi-larious to boot!
Thanks.

Hell in a handbasket Chrisisall

FIVVER

Monday, July 4, 2005 1:50 AM

I'd like to add the three laws of thermodynamics:

1) You can't win.
2) You can't break even.
3) And you can't get out of the game...

SGTGUMP

Monday, July 4, 2005 8:25 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by GinoBiffaroni:
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named Governmentium".

That's going to everyone I know. Thanks.

CREVANREAVER

Tuesday, July 12, 2005 1:52 AM

For another small government alternative try...

http://www.lp.org

By the way Ginobiffaroni, your work is both clever and accurate.

WHITEFALL

Tuesday, July 12, 2005 2:37 AM

Here's something similar, for all you wonderful liberals out there :)

A groaner, to be sure, but...
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At New York's Kennedy Airport an individual (later found to be a teacher) was arrested trying to board a flight while possessing a ruler, set square, protractor and calculator.

At a morning press conference Attorney General Ashcroft said he believes the man to be a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult" Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of mediaeval with co-ordinates in every country." He further declared "As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'. "

When asked to comment President Bush said "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction he would have given us more fingers and toes.

"I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence." He then added "Under the circumstances we must differentiate their root, make our point and draw the line."

President Bush warned "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vortex."

Attorney General Ashcroft said "As our former Great Leader would say 'Read my ellipse'. Here is one principle he is uncertainty about: though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens around their necks".

"Some people juggle geese!" -Ancient Chinese proverb.

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