Who's Tougher?

POSTED BY: Succatash
UPDATED: Friday, May 16, 2003 02:17
VIEWED: 8657
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SUCCATASH

Friday, February 7, 2003 5:06 AM

1. Mal vs. Book

2. Mal vs. Jayne

3. Mal vs. Zoe

4. Mal vs. William Riker

5. Mal vs. Han Solo

6. Mal vs. Capt. Archer

7. Mal vs. Dirty Harry

8. Mal vs. Maverick (James Gardner/Mel Gibson)

9. Mal vs. Elvis Presley

10. Mal vs. Jack Bauer

"Not in the face!"

SUCCATASH

Friday, February 7, 2003 5:10 AM

By "Who's Tougher" I mean,

WHO WOULD WIN IN A BAR FIGHT?

SUCCATASH

Friday, February 7, 2003 5:18 AM

Here are my thoughts:

Originally posted by Succatash:

1. Mal vs. Book
- A good fight, but I think Book would win, if Book thought he HAD to win.

2. Mal vs. Jayne
- Jayne would only win if he could get the first punch. If Mal had time to find a weapon he would beat Jayne.

3. Mal vs. Zoe
Zoe, she's a warrior woman.

4. Mal vs. William Riker
Mal would find a way to kick his ass.

5. Mal vs. Han Solo
This would be a great fight but in the end they would find out they are long lost brothers or something, and Mal would finally find love among the Wookie folk.

6. Mal vs. Capt. Archer
Mal would give him a big Wedgie after slapping Archer all the way to sickbay.

7. Mal vs. Dirty Harry
Damn good gunfight, here. It depends. Mal is one of the best, but so is the legendary Dirty Harry in a gun fight.

8. Mal vs. Maverick (James Gardner/Mel Gibson)
I'd like to see this. Really, I would.

9. Mal vs. Elvis Presley
Mal would spank the Elvis hound dog!

10. Mal vs. Jack Bauer
Mal spanks him.

"Not in the face!"

LIVINGIMPAIRED

Friday, February 7, 2003 6:24 AM

1) Mal vs. Brook:
Well, the fight would start off with a bang, and Mal would be winning. But then Brook would whip out his Alliance ID, and guys in gray would come out and arrest Mal.

2) Mal vs. Jayne:
I like Jayne a lot. But Mal has something very important that Jayne does not: brains. That and a cuter butt. But that's beside the point. Mal would still have the airlock, if worse came to worse.

3) Mal vs. Zoe:
They'd never fight. Zoe has too much respect for Mal. Besides, it'd probably just make Wash all jealous, because we all know how erotic punching someone is.

4) Mal vs. #1:
Oh, Mr. Federation's pansy ass is going down.

5) Mal vs. Han Solo:
Well, first of all, they would resolve their differences with a topless mud rasslin' match. Who care who wins? I'll be in my bunk!

6) Mal vs. Captain Archer:
I love Scott Backula (sp?), but Mal'd win the fight. How many horrific battles has Archer survived?

7) Mal vs. Dirty Harry:
I've never seen the movies, but again I think of #6.

8) Mal vs. Maverick:
Maverick'd win at cards, but Mal'd win the subsequent brawl.

9) Mal vs. Elvis:
What's the King gonna do? Sing Mal to death?

10) Mal vs. Jack Bauer:
Jack who?

*****

I'd also like to add:

11) Zoe vs. Buffy:
Buffy's the clear winner here, but afterwards, Jayne'll be in his bunk.

12) Mal vs. Angel:
#5's answer. Only more so.

13) River vs. Trinity:
River. No power in the 'verse can stop her. That includes Trinity.

________________

Mal: We sniff the air, we don't kiss the dirt.
Zoe: Wasn't plannin' on the dirt-kissin', Sir.
Wash: I wouldn't stand for it anyway, Captain, jealous man like me.

LOSTANGEL

Friday, February 7, 2003 1:43 PM

1. Mal vs. Book = Have to be Book. Was anyone else scared at the look on Book's face when River read his thoughts "I don't give half a hump if your're innocent or not."

2. Mal vs. Jayne = Mal. Jayne may be bigger, but he's dumber.

3. Mal vs. Zoe = Zoe. She's second in command 'cause of loyalty, not ability.

4. Mal vs. William Riker = no contest, I'm not even gonna dignify that one with an answer.

5. Mal vs. Han Solo = Han Solo. Mal's but is cuter, but you can't beat the original.

6. Mal vs. Capt. Archer = see No. 4

7. Mal vs. Dirty Harry = Mal. He has a cooler head, and if he doesn't get intimidated by the mean squinty looks and the clenched teeth, he'll have no problem.

8. Mal vs. Maverick (James Gardner/Mel Gibson)
I think either Maverick would end up becoming friends with Mal, and they'd end up fighting on the same side. Then Maverick would end up cheating at cards, or picking Wash's pocket, and Mal'd have to blow him away.

9. Mal vs. Elvis Presley = Elvis would swivel those hips, give 'em that sneer and watch the girls swoon. Mal would give him a blank stare, utter his famous "Huh" and knock him out in one punch.

10. Mal vs. Jack Bauer = tough one. Jack bauer is one unhinged sumbitch. I'd like to see this one.

Oh yeah, Zoe would cremate Barbie, er Buffy any day.

______________________
Lost Angel

WASH: Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction.
ZOE: We live in a space ship, dear.
WASH: So?

SUCCATASH

Friday, February 7, 2003 5:15 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by LivingImpaired:
Mal vs. Jack Bauer:
Jack who?

Jack Bauer the special agent in 24 played by Keifer Sutherland.

VETERAN

Saturday, February 8, 2003 4:00 AM

1) Mal probably beats Book.
2)We've already seen him beat Jayne.
3)Zoe and Mal wouldn't fight. If they did, Mal would win.
4)Sorry guys, but Riker never loses. It's something most people hate about that character.
5)Han Solo would lose.(Indiana Jones might scrap out a victory.)
6)Mal probably beats Archer, but Archer might pull off an upset.
7)Dirty Harry would win both the gun fight and the fist fight.
8)I'd expect Mal to beat Maverick, but Maverick is too smart to get mixed up with a guy like Mal. He'd probably talk his way out of it.
9 & 10) Mal beats both Presley and Bauer.

What about Kirk?

I knew this show was in trouble when it was prempted for "Happy Gilmore." God I hate Adam Sandler.

SUCCATASH

Saturday, February 8, 2003 6:09 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by Veteran:
1) Mal probably beats Book.

So, you admit it may be close? Book has a hidden past, don't you think he is possibly a not-so-retired assassin/fighter for the Alliance?

Quote:
2)We've already seen him beat Jayne.
Yes, but he surprised Jayne with a wrench to the face, if I recall. How about in a square fight?

Quote:
3)Zoe and Mal wouldn't fight. If they did, Mal would win.

That seems to be the popular opinion.

Quote:
4)Sorry guys, but Riker never loses. It's something most people hate about that character.
Yes, he may have gotten lucky thus far, but he is just a man, and he's never met Mal.

Quote:
5)Han Solo would lose.(Indiana Jones might scrap out a victory.)
Han did pretty good against Greedo. I must admit that Indiana J. was a bit more scrappy. Han was a pilot, not really a fighter, though he was good with a blaster. Hmmm.

Quote:
6)Mal probably beats Archer, but Archer might pull off an upset.

Can you please explain how an upset could be possible?

Quote:
7)Dirty Harry would win both the gun fight and the fist fight.
A bar fight includes both a gun fight AND a fist fight. Anything goes. Are you sure? Okay, I think you may be right. MAYBE

Quote:
8)I'd expect Mal to beat Maverick, but Maverick is too smart to get mixed up with a guy like Mal. He'd probably talk his way out of it.
I think I agree. I can see Maverick and Mal being good friends and business partners, not enemies.

Quote:
9 & 10) Mal beats both Presley and Bauer.
Sort of wondering why you grouped Presley and Bauer together. Elvis is a joke (though he could fight well in his movies), but Bauer is supposed to be a very very tough bastard. Have you ever seen 24? If you have, try not to think about the very SCARY mountain lion they showed this week.

Quote:
What about Kirk?
I probably would give that to Kirk. In his prime? Or in the movies, though? Definitely not when he got old and fat, and wore a rug on his head.

It doesn't matter, because Kirk might win, but then he'd let Mal up and then Mal would shoot him, or kick him into an engine or something.

BRTICK

Saturday, February 8, 2003 11:40 AM

1. Mal vs. Book
Book, cuz he ain't no shepherd.
2. Mal vs. Jayne
Mal, much smarter in a fight.
3. Mal vs. Zoe
Draw, Zoe would no doubt yield to her Capt.
4. Mal vs. William Riker
Mal, face it rikers a wuss.
5. Mal vs. Han Solo
Draw, they'd figure how much alike they are and become fast friends.
6. Mal vs. Capt. Archer
Mal, archers a bigger wuss then riker.
7. Mal vs. Dirty Harry
Mal, while dirty Harry was busy going on about if he had any bullets left or not and mustard on hot dogs. Mal would shoot him.
8. Mal vs. Maverick
Maverick, he's sneaky and a real quick draw.
9. Mal vs. Elvis Presley
Mal, unlike Elvis he actually saw combat.
10. Mal vs. Jack Bauer
Draw, after discussing they're respective miseries they'd team up and take down some terrorists and the alliance. Shoving some guys into engines and chopping of some dead guys heads in the process.

Keep Flying!

SARAHETC

Saturday, February 8, 2003 3:23 PM

Okay. Been contemplating this for 24 hours now.

1. Mal vs. Book
- Mal. Book couldn't go all whatever on him, cos it's a SECRET.

2. Mal vs. Jayne
- Mal, no contest

3. Mal vs. Zoe
- Draw, but only after Zoe really decked him and said something like, "Sir, you have a problem with your brain being missing."

4. Mal. vs. #1
- Would depend on the fight. Gun fight goes to Mal. Crazy kung fu pugilist fight goes to #1. Bar fight? #1 if he had Worf AND Data for backup, but Mal if #1 had no backup and Zoe was around.

5. Mal vs. Han Solo
- This has been the subject of much contention. Look at my husband and said, "Han never shot anybody between the eyes without breaking stride." He said, "Mal never shot anybody under the table." I said, "You're right." If there were ships involved, Han. If not, maybe Mal, but a pyrhic victory? Squeaker.

6. Mal vs. Archer
- Mal, Mal, Mal, Mal, Mal, Mal, Mal. How could you even question?

7. Mal vs. Dirty Harry
-Mal. He wouldn't wait around for the dramatic moment to present itself. Bang bang you're dead.

8. Mal vs. Maverick
- Maverick.

9. Mal vs. Elvis
- Mal. I think the question here might be "Wash vs. Elvis." Now *that* would be a fight.

10. Mal vs. Jack Bauer
- Bauer, but he'd see the potential there and, as has been said before, they'd team up.

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