Dear Black People

POSTED BY: 6IXSTRINGJACK
UPDATED: Sunday, June 23, 2024 03:47
VIEWED: 4795
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Saturday, June 22, 2024 9:49 PM

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5 things white people need to hear on Juneteenth

Editor’s note: The following article is an op-ed, and the views expressed are the author’s own. Read more opinions on theGrio.

I love Juneteenth.

I don’t want to brag but long before white America discovered the 159-year-old celebration for the end of the constitutionally enforced, race-based system of forced labor and intellectual theft, I was the Household of Faith Annual Juneteenth Bazaar’s six-time undefeated Biblical Pursuit champion (I’m pretty sure it’s in the Guinness Book of World Records).

During the preparation for my unprecedented championship run, I found out that the name “Juneteenth” wasn’t in the Bible. Nor was the portmanteau of “June” and Nineteenth” created by my mom, who was notorious for coming up with terrible names (HYPU, for instance). When I learned that Juneteenth was a day to celebrate the emancipation of enslaved Black Americans, I could only imagine the words that came tumbling out of the mouths of the newly liberated freedmen

And women. Just sayin'

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on that glorious day.

On the first Juneteenth, those former slavemasters were on the receiving end of pent-up, pure, unadulterated truth. Aside from learning about how they smelled after a rainfall and hearing the word “mother” paired with an expletive for sex for the first time (I haven’t done the etymological research) those former slavemasters probably learned a thing or two about a lazy, violent, uncivilized country called America.

This is what Juneteenth means to me.

If white people truly want to celebrate Juneteenth, what better way to honor America’s actual Independence Day than hearing a few uncomfortable truths? Instead of quoting Abraham Lincoln or wearing a dashiki made of safety pins, why not take some of the sage advice from the people who made America great the first time?

Oh. NOT including the immigrants who busted sod and made farms, or worked in sweatshops and factories?

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To be clear, I’m not insinuating that Black people have been lying to y’all the other 364 days this year. But we know how y’all are. After experiencing the nationwide pearl-clutching over African Americans’ subtle suggestions like civil rights, democracy and paying people for labor,

Too true

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we tend to keep our crazy ideas to ourselves. So this Juneteenth, perhaps our Caucasian brothers can give the greatest Juneteenth gift of all:

Listen to Black people.

Here are five things white people need hear on Juneteenth.

5. The national anthem sucks.

Look, I know “The Star Spangled Banner” is right up there with that great Taylor Swift song about her ex-boyfriend and that Beatles ditty to their homeboy Jude. I just think we can do better.

First of all, when was the last time you heard anyone use the term “spangled”? I thought star spangling was some kind of weird sexual fetish for astronomers until I learned that it was just how white people say “bedazzled” (It’s the only question I got wrong in my near-perfect 1988 Biblical Pursuit run). Not to mention that there’s a whole verse about slavery.

Not a whole stanza, but certainly a whole line

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"No refuge could save the hireling and slave
From the terror of flight or the gloom of the grave"

Like so many of his compatriots, Francis Scott Key, the wealthy American lawyer who wrote "The Star Spangled Banner" in the wake of the Battle of Fort McHenry on 14 September 1814, was a slaveholder who believed blacks to be "a distinct and inferior race of people, which all experience proves to be the greatest evil that afflicts a community." It goes without saying that Key did not have the enslaved black population of America in mind when he penned the words "land of the free." It would be logical to assume, as well, that he might have harbored a special resentment toward African Americans who fought against the United States on behalf of the King [being promised freedom if they survived].... After

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6IXSTRINGJACK

Sunday, June 23, 2024 3:47 AM

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If white people truly want to celebrate Juneteenth...

Hold it right there.

I hate to interrupt somebody when they're getting high off of smelling their own farts, but no white people are interested in celebrating Juneteenth. Not one. And that includes white dudes married to black women who have to pretend HARD that they give a shit because Happy Wife = Happy Life.

And any white person who tells you that they want to celebrate Juneteenth is either saying it to keep their job or they're just straight up lying to you.

Somebody like you who hates white people should be familiar with this feeling. So to believe there is any white people who actually want to celebrate Juneteenth is pretty much wishful thinking on your part, isn't it?

And nobody cares how you think somebody should celebrate a holiday. The Italians didn't go around telling people how to celebrate Columbus Day, the holiday which was destroyed to make your little dumbly named racist holiday one of the days that bankers and government employees get off.

And then there's the little fact that 95% of employed black people were working on Juneteenth and were too worried about paying their bills in this economy to give two shits about your opinion on the matter.

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Trump will be fine.
He will also be your next President.

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