A thread dedicated strictly to Mal-licious
POSTED BY: BadgersHat
UPDATED: Wednesday, February 2, 2005 01:56
VIEWED: 28441
PAGE 14 of 18
Quote:
Originally posted by zoid:
Oh, Milady of the Varicolored Tresses, Mmmm-Ahhh!-'Licious:
I grovel like the worthless cur I am, for not having invoked Your Name in other threads I have posted to. But, I thought you had 'gone off' me, since you hadn't deigned to respond to my last couple of posts, re: Yourself. Not that I'm implying that Your Worshipfulness should acknowledge my existence; goddesses do as goddesses will. I just figured the other boy-toys were proving sufficient for Your needs, and that my meager talents were no longer required or desired.
That's not an excuse, it's a reason. Really! Please, don't beat me, Miss Ma'am!
Slavishly,
zoid
P.S.
And I sure as hell wasn't going to mention you on Loni's thread. I've got enough competition already, without that guy ruining the bell curve. Mentioning ~lissa was safe, since she doesn't pay me any attention, of any kind. (She's got standards and discernment, apparently.) If Loni wants to adore you, he's gonna have to stalk you using his own wiles, like everybody else.
_________________________________________________
"Burn the land and boil the sea, you can't take the sky from me." The Ballad of Serenity
* The Real Me gapes in awe, as he realizes that HE could never grovel as well as Zoid. The Real Me assumes that Zoid must already have been married for some time. *
The Real Me
(The Real Me cannot currently receive messages from this site; he is not ignoring you.)
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TRM:
Heh-heh, yeah.
Actually, I figure the "I grovel like the worthless cur I am, for not having invoked Your Name in other threads I have posted to," should be boiler plate for posts to this thread. Kinda like, "Bless me Father, for I have sinned," and then you let rip with all the things you've done wrong since the last time you posted/confessed.
And yes, I've been married longer than some of the posters on this board have been alive. And I plan on remaining married 'til after some of the posters on this board have perished. Hence, groveling as an art form. My wife is most lovely and kind; but, she is still a woman. There are times when you just know that using reasoning is only gonna get you in more hot water. It's like they really want you to be wrong, regardless the actual facts; and of course you can't help them out because you're a guy, and never wrong. (NB: I thought I was wrong once, back in '79; but, I was mistaken.)
Explanatorily,
zoid
P.S.
Ummm... Did I say that out loud? *zoid runs for mountaintop, with pitchfork- and torch-wielding females close behind.*
_________________________________________________
"Burn the land and boil the sea, you can't take the sky from me." The Ballad of Serenity
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Quote:
Originally posted by firefloozysuzie:
RobNotRick and I have passed around a couple notes on the NJ Browncoat thread about maybe it might be fun to meetup some browncoat hooligans in Atlantic City. Would you consider that a decent notion?
Ooooh, gambling! Gambling with other Browncoats! Shiny!
I would just need sufficient notice and proper directions and I could arrange to be there. Who is paying for my high-roller suite? Any volunteers? Hello?
Mal-licious
Co-Holder of the Red Bell from Hell
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Quote:
Originally posted by Rat:
um No, what kind of crackers?
Onion flavored Toasteds. NOW what do you want to know?
Mal-licious
Co-Holder of the Red Bell from Hell
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Quote:
Originally posted by Malicious:
You're as bad as Zoid is/was with my hair color!
So, what color is your hair?
-Ratboy
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Quote:
Originally posted by zoid:
It's like they really want you to be wrong, regardless the actual facts...
Are you TRYING to piss me off? 'cuz it's workin'.
You are assuming that YOUR "actual facts" are the same as HER'S. Which is completely impossible because women are more AWARE, exponentially, than men. Therefore, there are "facts" she is aware of of which you know nothing. Just like with dirt, women see things that men just don't.
Mal-licious
Co-Holder of the Red Bell from Hell
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Quote:
Originally posted by Rat:
So, what color is your hair?
ZOID! Handle this.
Mal-licious
Co-Holder of the Red Bell from Hell
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Rat implored my Mistress:
Quote:
So, what color is your hair?
-Ratboy
And my Mistress, (say it with me) (zoid affects Michael Buffer voice) Mmmm!... Ahhh!... Liii-shuuus! bade me thus:
Quote:
ZOID! Handle this.
Mal-licious
As She wills, I must do.
What color is her hair? Ummm, actually, I don't know. I mean, she tells me and all; but I don't know. I just nod my head, and cup my chin in my hand thoughtfully, and murmur things like, "I see", and, "Hmmm...", and, "I think it looks perfectly natural. Are sure you even colored it? Maybe you forgot the color and only used the conditioner packet?"
Since I know that doesn't exactly answer your question, I tell you exactly(ish) what she told me, and then you can make of it what you will.
During the summer months, she likes to wear her hair a bit lighter. This past Summer (or at least the last part of it), she said her color was "Creme Brulée". I think 'creme brulée' is a kind of food, perhaps a type of cheese; so, that would be good for you. Either that, or it's like a raspberry custard. So it's either an orangish-yellow, or it's purplish-red with pie crusts on the sides.
Still, "Creme Brulée" sounds very expensive, so it must be very good. I saw pictures of her hair, but it looked red to me, which she said it definitely was not. She said it was 'a medium blonde with really brassy overtones' or something like that, to which I replied, "I think it looks perfectly natural..."
Then, the Fall came. Since the Fall is definitely not the Summer, she changed it to "Crystal Something Or The Other". I never saw pictures of her thus coiffed, so I can't comment; but she assured me it was "brown". I'm pretty sure I know what 'brown' is, but at this point, I just hope it feels nice when I run my fingers through it... I mean when she runs her fingers through it!
Obediently,
zoid
P.S.
There you go 'Lishus! Another task successfully completed. Anything else you'd like me to do?
P.P.S.
Rat: Mal's rumored to have changed her color again, but she hasn't kept me in the loop. Apparently, the change was spurred by an all-night Cuervo Gold-off her and Badger'sHat pulled a couple weeks back. So, you'll have to ask him for the (less non-)current color of her hair.
P.P.P.S.
Good luck, Jefé! Got any of the Cuervo left? It may help...
_________________________________________________
When asked how he writes such convincing female characters:
"I think of a man, then I take away reason and accountability." Jack Nicholson, As Good As It Gets
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(as homer) MMMMMmmmm...Purplish red with pie crusts on the sides. (drool)
-Ratboy
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