In the garden, and RAIN!!!!
POSTED BY: SIGNYM
UPDATED: Thursday, December 25, 2025 04:27
VIEWED: 1005090
PAGE 264 of 1154
Quote:
Originally posted by 6IXSTRINGJACK:
Yeah... I'm not a pro when it comes to what makes a good futon and what doesn't, Brenda, but really do try to do some research and get some reviews before you buy one. All I know is that there can be some huge differences between them, and I susptect that while the Sealy mattress on the good one that my brother gave me has something to do with it, it's also the makeup of the futon as well.
The cheap one I had was something I had picked off of the curb when my neighbors threw it away. It was an entirely metal frame that doesn't seem the most solid thing in the world, and the mattress was pretty thin. Both of these lead to a bit more "sagging" than my back needed and with the intense nightly physical work I did it just wasn't good enough and I would start my next day off with a little bit of tightness and soreness from the night before that I didn't get when I slept on the L-shaped couch.
The good one my brother gave me though has a Sealy mattress that is not only a tad thicker, but it's quite a bit heavier and harder to move. You can tell really easily that it's a much higher caliber of mattress. At the same time, the futon unit itself has no "wobble" to it once it was set up. Though the framing of the unit is metal, there are two sets of wooden slats, one for the "seat" and one for the "backrest" portion.
That does bring up the possible issue of it being a problem for somebody who wants to unfold the whole thing and really spread out though. I never did that with either of mine and only slept on the "seat" part. I can't imagine it being extremely comfortable if an individual used the entire thing as a bead to spread out on, because the cheap one probably would offer even less support at the "seam" while the much higher quality one would probably be really stiff and offer possibly too much support at the same "seam" when unfolded into "bed mode".
I'm not sure if you plan to make this an every-night bed for yourself like I use it for, or if we're just talking the occasional nap or not. The good one I have is probably just fine for an occasional nap, even unfolded, but be sure to really do your research if you're going to sleep on this thing everyday.
I'm probably the cheapest bastard you know, but if my brother hadn't given me one that gives me the sleep experience I need, I would have started to use my actual bed for now until I was able to find the right futon for my back and I know it would have cost a lot more than I was happy about spending.
Do Right, Be Right. :)
I've been doing some research Jack. I have a bed but I want one to watch tv on, so I can put my legs up completely to relax them. And also something to take a nap on if I have a mind too. I've fallen a sleep in front of my computer and that is bad for my neck. My legs are getting better as I bought a garbage can from a Dollar Store up here and have it turned upside down that when I am sitting on a kitchen chair, I can put my feet up on it.
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Quote:
Originally posted by 6IXSTRINGJACK:
I just woke up about an hour ago. Damn. 2:00PM. Half my day gone already.
Really got a lot done at my friend's house this weekend, even though he was working with a hurt back from that joist at my house and I was working with a hurt shoulder from moving the furniture with my brother from early the prior week.
That drinking though... I'm not getting any less concerned about it. I made a point to tell him (while working at my house the second night) this week that I was happy to see him not drinking Icehouse, again saying it was the devil's brew that got a hold of me. I wish I hadn't said it. Subconsciously or not, he must not have liked that and he was drinking Icehouse both days this weekend at his house.
Yesterday, about an hour before it was going to get dark and we were about to wrap things up anyhow because it had started drizzling and the clouds were really looking bad, he fell off a ladder right next to me and almost pulled mine down too out of instinct to grab whatever you can get ahold of when you're falling. At least he had the wherewithal to throw out the putty knife and boxcutter he was using to scrape the worst of the windows we've worked on yet as he fell.
He's got a pretty bad limp from it, but having busted my own ankle bad many years ago I'm happy to see that he's not swelling like mine did.
I was pretty tired after a long weekend, but he talked me into taking me out for a bite at that bar we had gone to for burgers the first night we worked together. I'm kind of glad that he did, because I met an ex-girlfriend up there with her boyfriend. It was kind of cool catching up with somebody that I haven't seen in probably 15 years. I'd be lying if I'm not quite enjoying to start meeting up with people that I haven't seen in so many years and really starting to get the feeling that despite all of my bad decisions and horrible lifestyle for so many years, I'm really aging a lot better than everybody else is. If it weren't for my teeth issue, I probably look 10 years younger than most everybody else does these days.
Back on topic though, he had a few more beers at the bar (which I drove to and from his house to get to), and he bought them a shot and one of them bought another round at some point too.
Before we left to work, I believe it was on Saturday, I was bullshitting with his fiancee for about 10 minutes about stuff and I had asked if she saw the pictures of the work we've done on my porch and said my friend was working miracles. Id told her about how when I found out how bad the problem really had been I had also just found out the layoff was coming and I had been freaking out about everything and how part of me just wanted to dump the house for cash for whatever somebody might buy it for and just move away and start life over.
She said the same thing to, although she did say "well I know why I'm staying here" and pointed upstairs to where my friend was. But I can tell that she's not very happy overall with their situation. I don't know how much the drinking has to do with it, but I'm sure it's not helping. They're both at the age where it's kind of do-or-die if you want to have any kids, and they don't have any yet.
I dunno. I wish I could help with the drinking part, but like anything else I don't think you really can do much. My brother and his wife are unhealthily overweight and they both know it but don't do anything about it. Both they and my friend have a hoarding problem but don't do anything about it. Everybody's diets are shit, but they don't do anything about it. I know I wouldn't have taken anyone seriously who was giving me shit about my drinking or eating or hoarding problems either, and I had to just wake up one day and say I've had enough of this shit.
Maybe I'm still here in 2019 so I can start helNOTIFY: Y | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | PERMALINK | TOP | HOME
SIX, thinking thru your friend's drinking problem (and your family's problems with overweight and diet ...)
Maybe I'm being overly-generous about people, but I feel most people are doing the best they can with all the diligence and motivation at their disposal. I think a lot of people put a lot of effort into "some" things that they've decided are important to them, but give themselves a "pass" on other things. Perhaps they're limited by things you can't see, like time limitations, pain, or anxiety, or lack of sleep, or ADHD or other factors that are hobbling them.
Your friend: He sounds like he's very hard-working, very positive ... a veritable locomotive pulling himself, his fiancee, you ... others? ... out of jams. But maybe he's in pain. For that, he allows himself drink. Your brother and his wife ... perhaps they're focusing on being good parents, but they're terribly short of sleep. For that, they allow themselves food.
The reason WHY people "reward" themselves with things that aren't good for them is because what they're doing isn't intrinsically rewarding enough. And I think that's the sad thing about life in America today: For most people, diligence, hard work, positive attitude, and responsibility don't create the security, agency, and prosperity that people crave. Nothing will. There is always the nagging anxiety that things will be snatched away, that nobody (especially society and goverment) has your back. Or maybe I'm just projecting too much!
Anyway, I'm trying to balance what "research" shows vesus my own reactions to being nagged: "Reasearch" shows that when dealing with self-destructive habits daily (or frequent) pressure helps. This goes for bulimia and other eating disorders as well as things like smoking (making cigs more expensive encourages people to quit). OTOH, if peopke were constantly nagging me, it would just piss me off.
So maybe it's the "type" of pressure involved ... maybe it's better if it's impersonal ... the presence of good food at the table instead of bad, the expense of bad habits ... a constant good example ...not direct comments from the peanut gallery. I don't know. All of this thread to tell you that talking to your friend about drinking may be counterproductive. that maybe your best influence is helping him out and your example of going to a bar and enjoying yourself without getting wasted. If I have any divine inspiration, I'll let you know! But I am turning it over in my mind.
-----------
Pity would be no more,
If we did not MAKE men poor - William Blake
You idiots have been oppressing the entire sexual spectrum as long as you have existed. I can't wait for the day your kind is dead - WISHIMAY
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Meanwhike
BRENDA, Im not sure about the configuration of most futons, but based on my experience with our sofa, it will be hard to find a futon )or any furniture) that will do double-duty as both a "sitting" place (for visitors) and a "sleeping" place. Our sofas for example, they're wonderful to sleep in, but they're so deep (front to back) and may legs are relatively so short that my knees can't reach the front of the couch at the same time that my back rests on the backrest, so either my legs stick out uncomfortably or my back suffers. Plus the sofas are too tall, so my feet can't reach the floor. I usualy solve that problem by lying down on the loveseat. Dear daughter tuck her legs up, only hubby is comfortable sitting. The answer to that is to make sure that the futon is both low enough and narrow enough for comfortable seating, or to get footrests for all potential visitors, as well as for yourself. Or put pillows at the backrest so that people can rest their backs against it and still have their knees able to reach the edge.
KIKI, I know the "many layers deep" problem! It seems that all I have time for is a quick buzz-thru to knock down the most pressing aspects of the most pressing problems, I would LOVE to solve some things "once and for all" ... or at least not to have t look at again for a good long while! ...but things are still coming at me faster than I can manage, at least with my limited energy.
How's the cool-down in your area? Geting any relief?
SIX, it sounds like you're banging things out like a machine. :-) Which leads me to wonder ... what will you do when all of your immediate problems are solved? Decluttering and fixing up your house has been a multi-month effort but in a few month's time all of the urgent urgencies will be resolved. What then? do you have an idea what to do for the winter?
-----------
Pity would be no more,
If we did not MAKE men poor - William Blake
You idiots have been oppressing the entire sexual spectrum as long as you have existed. I can't wait for the day your kind is dead - WISHIMAY
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Quote:
Originally posted by SIGNYM:
SIX, thinking thru your friend's drinking problem (and your family's problems with overweight and diet ...)
Maybe I'm being overly-generous about people, but I feel most people are doing the best they can with all the diligence and motivation at their disposal. I think a lot of people put a lot of effort into "some" things that they've decided are important to them, but give themselves a "pass" on other things. Perhaps they're limited by things you can't see, like time limitations, pain, or anxiety, or lack of sleep, or ADHD or other factors that are hobbling them.
I know you're right about this. Nobody's relationships are perfect, and anybody who seems to be "perfect" from the outside looking in is just better at wearing masks than most other people.
I'm the last person to judge any of this. I just hate seeing other people doing these things in one form or another now that I'm trying to straighten up my own life.
Quote:
Your friend: He sounds like he's very hard-working, very positive ... a veritable locomotive pulling himself, his fiancee, you ... others? ... out of jams. But maybe he's in pain. For that, he allows himself drink. Your brother and his wife ... perhaps they're focusing on being good parents, but they're terribly short of sleep. For that, they allow themselves food.
He'd give you the shirt off his back. Some guy asked him for a cigarette at a light before we got on the expressway. Before I even had the chance to tell him that he should have told the kid to get a job, he said that guy is always bumming by that gas station and that he'd given him a business card and offered him some work (with transportation and free lunch while on the job). He never got a call. I told him that's because that kid makes two or three times more money in a day than I ever would have busting my ass working overnights. Most people are going to say no when he asks for something, but if it wasn't worth putting yourself through an entire day of rejection, than he wouldn't be doing it.
He bought the ex-girlfriend and her boyfriend which he never even met a shot without even thinking about it. Something else I never would have done with the prices of everything in bars these days...
He's a great guy.
Quote:
The reason WHY people "reward" themselves with things that aren't good for them is because what they're doing isn't intrinsically rewarding enough. And I think that's the sad thing about life in America today: For most people, diligence, hard work, positive attitude, and responsibility don't create the security, agency, and prosperity that people crave. Nothing will. There is always the nagging anxiety that things will be snatched away, that nobody (especially society and goverment) has your back. Or maybe I'm just projecting too much!
No. I think you're right. I'm hoping once my brother and sister in law's massive bills have been paid off they'll be able to relax and enjoy life a bit more. In the mean time, they do treat themselves to nicer vehicles and some semi-yearly vacations and the like. I think they spend way too much and are really extending how long it's going to be to pay everything off, but they feel they need to do it. At least my niece is getting to experience everything my parents would say that we were going to do and never did. Maybe that's what the vacationing thing is about. I just turned 40 and I've never been to Disneyland. To me, at least, Disneyland was a lie just like Santa Claus was.
I can tell they're stressed all the time. I don't mean to sound sexist here, but I think that might be because they are living biologically reversed rolls. My brother babysitting somebody else's kid a ton of hours per week is now virtually raising two kids 7 days a week, while his wife is getting paid a great deal of money to do a jo
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Quote:
Originally posted by SIGNYM:
SIX, it sounds like you're banging things out like a machine. :-) Which leads me to wonder ... what will you do when all of your immediate problems are solved? De0clittering and fixing up your house has been a multi-month effort but in a few month's time all of the urgent urgencies will be resolved. What then? do you have an idea what to do for the winter?
There's never a shortage of things to do on the house. There will be a lot of things that I can do inside once the urgent urgencies are remedied. Things that I wasn't going to waste a single dime or hour of my time on before selling if I wasn't able to take care of the big things first.
Trim on the floors and doors on the 2nd floor, closet shelving and doors on the 2nd floor, re-finishing the basement, re-painting the entire first floor, new floor covering in the kitchen, oh... and finishing the porch and possibly installing legitimate windows on it, just to name a few..
I probably won't have a new patio installed, and possibly won't even have gutters up before the first snowfall, so those will also have to be done in the spring if that's the case.
Then I have to decide if I'm going to put a new furnace and A/C in, a new privacy fence around the back yard, as well as a full 2nd bathroom downstairs.
All of these things will greatly add value to the home, although those last three will be quite expensive compared to the other upgrades. At some point I think I will at least talk to a realtor or two and get their opinions on whether or not the big ticket items are worth doing before I try to sell.
And at some point, I'm going to need a job to pay for all of this too. :)
Do Right, Be Right. :)
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I was wondering if your friend might have a stressful effect on your sobriety. And I know it's kind of hard seeing it day to day, which makes you focus on his drinking, but you (also) get OCD about things (like his drinking), which could also be stressful to you, as being a (temporarily) irresolvable problem. Irresistible force meet immovable object.
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It very well might, but what can I do about it?
On a base level, I'm completely obliged to him right now. I've resigned myself to the fact that I've given him about 8 times the amount of my free time than he has, simply because the things he's done for me are things I'm not capable of doing while the things I've done for him are things that would be easy for him to do if he had the free time to do it. My time is cheap right now, and his skills are invaluable to me.
But beyond the base level, he is a friend and I feel like I'm supposed to do something about it here, even if there's nothing I can do but sit back and watch it happen.
I won't go back to drinking, no matter what. I do think it's in my best interests not to go back to a bar with him though. It's just a little hole in the wall "Cheers" type of place, and I was there for the cheap food after a hard day work, but unlike the last time where we just ate and he had a beer or two before he left, I was there for well over an hour and had to be around others socializing and drinking long after I was done eating. It's just not a good place for me to be without a damn good reason (and I can't really imagine a scenario where I would have one).
Do Right, Be Right. :)
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Quote:
Originally posted by SIGNYM:
Meanwhike
BRENDA, Im not sure about the configuration of most futons, but based on my experience with our sofa, it will be hard to find a futon )or any furniture) that will do double-duty as both a "sitting" place (for visitors) and a "sleeping" place. Our sofas for example, they're wonderful to sleep in, but they're so deep (front to back) and may legs are relatively so short that my knees can't reach the front of the couch at the same time that my back rests on the backrest, so either my legs stick out uncomfortably or my back suffers. Plus the sofas are too tall, so my feet can't reach the floor. I usualy solve that problem by lying down on the loveseat. Dear daughter tuck her legs up, only hubby is comfortable sitting. The answer to that is to make sure that the futon is both low enough and narrow enough for comfortable seating, or to get footrests for all potential visitors, as well as for yourself. Or put pillows at the backrest so that people can rest their backs against it and still have their knees able to reach the edge.
------------------------------------
Pity would be no more,
If we did not MAKE men poor - William Blake
You idiots have been oppressing the entire sexual spectrum as long as you have existed. I can't wait for the day your kind is dead - WISHIMAY
SIG, the futon my mom had was great for sleeping and sitting on for me and her. So, I am hoping to replicate that in a lower cost model. I'll keep the trash can for putting my feet up on as I have a coffee table for remotes and such.
I am going to be soggy today.
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