Interesting Turn of Events (My Life in a Nutshell)

POSTED BY: tethys
UPDATED: Tuesday, December 14, 2004 13:54
VIEWED: 6416
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TETHYS

Saturday, December 4, 2004 12:04 AM

I have absolutely NO idea what prompted me to start this post. I typically don't share certain things about myself to ANYONE; drives my wife nuts...lol.
I seem to have the urge to tell someone, anyone about some things that have gone on and are seeming to turn around in my life, which I'm not sure what exactly to feel about it. Anyway, here it goes. Be warned..lol.
My "biological" parents had me a few years into their marriage, and I guess that there were tensions between them due to something. I'm pretty sure that a lot of it was caused by my grandmother that never liked my Pops, nor liked the fact that he was Army, and was stationed in Korea for a time. She made my grandfather *not* re-enlist in the Army when his time was up.
To make a long story short, they divorced when I was three. My Pops re-married a couple years later, as did my mom. When I was six, my Pops had a daughter, Julie, my little sister. My mother never had any more kids. I saw very little of them growing up, mostly due to my pops being army (he retired in 1998). I saw my sister about once a year until 1996, when I enlisted.
Last year, I had my car window shot out by a bunch of punks with a slingshot. I called a few places to get a repair estimate, and one of them was good friends with my paternal grandfather (who name I unfortunately share). He ended up calling me back with info on my family, of which I, at that point, had no clue about, since it had been years with no word on them.
I called my pops, who was very surprised to hear form me! My sister was very ecstatic as well. We lost touch again after my marathon move last year, a total of 1200 miles!!
We got back in touch last week, and it's now kind of strange. My pops re-married..again, adn my sister is now 19 years old living with a craddle-robber. Her boyfriend's my age, and they've been dating for 6 years!
Not really sure how to take everything. I love my sister very much, but life has pulled it's tricks on the both of us. Not used to being a full-time son and brother for them. And my wife is acting funky, since she actually grew up with her brothers and sisters, she's telling me not to worry about things, and stop griping about my sister's boyfriend. When all I wanna do is strangle to statutory-raping, contributing to the MAJOR deliquincy of a minor loser-ass..........

Anyway, just had to share for some reason, and what better folks than my fellow Browncoats!

"Your mouth is talking. Might wanna see to that"

GHOULMAN

Thursday, December 9, 2004 5:10 PM

I agree. That fellow needs to have a little "meeting" with you, me, and my friend Mr. Pointy.

Your wife is an "enabler" and should be told that people who care about people don't go around approving relationhips that are harmful.

This guy maybe kind to your sister, and so that may save him a broken arm, but someone my age (I'm 37) shouldn't live with someone so young simply because someone that young needs to live the life of someone that young! Going to school or beginning a career or traveling... not careing for some old bastard like me who is constantly liquired up and rude.

Having said that, last week-end I had NO IDEA that girl was... anyho', said too much. But I wouldn't date her! that would be wrong and impossing a lifestyle onto a person who needs to go out and discover a life style for themselves.

CYBERSNARK

Thursday, December 9, 2004 9:16 PM

Give him the "special Hell" speech.

-----
We applied the cortical electrodes but were unable to get a neural reaction from either patient.

RUE

Friday, December 10, 2004 3:30 AM

I thought about your post for a long, long time.

There are your personal issues: here you are, not having had a father, or sister, suddenly up to your armpits in their family issues. I could see it would be confusing - what is your role? Who are you to them, anyway? And who are they to you?

OTOH, you seem more than ready to be a brother. You are not 'trying' to be one - you are THERE. Involved and agonized over someone's well-being who you've barely met, b/c she's you sister gorram it!

I'm glad you got the replies you did from Ghoulman and Cybersnark. Your sister, well she's young, impressionable, and sounds like she got not too much good direction from her ol' dad. But the guy, now, he's someone you could, well, 'manage'.

GEEZER

Friday, December 10, 2004 12:41 PM

Your first reaction to your sister's situation, i.e. go upside the cradle-robber's head, is pretty natural. But...

You didn't say anything about how he treats her, or how she feels about him. By now they're both of legal age, and your concern should be for your sister's current situation, not something that may or may not have happened in the past. If he's being good to her now, and she's happy with him, be happy for her. Just because you may not like the guy doesn't mean she shouldn't.

On the other hand, if he's being abusive at all, you should probably have that "talk" with him. I understand that a bar of soap in a sock enables this type of communication quite effectively.

"Keep the Shiny side up"

CONNORFLYNN

Friday, December 10, 2004 1:37 PM

A paper bag of Oranges does the job nicely too!

MALICIOUS

Saturday, December 11, 2004 12:05 AM

Why haven't you told ME any of this? I can have a "talk" with this "gentleman" and that will be that, no more worries for you!

However, little sis may just have a mind of her own. I know I did when I was 19. My parents just had me, they didn't raise me. They were too busy drinking at the bar they owned and then fighting with each other. Then the beatings, but that's for another day. She needs to realize he's too old for her on her own. And she will. It may not be when you want her to, but she will. Right now, she probably needs a father figure, of sorts.

Mal-licious

Co-Holder of the Red Bell from Hell

BRITCHICK

Saturday, December 11, 2004 1:23 AM

My daughter lived with an older man when she was 19, and he was a complete d*ckhead. Please be careful when dealing with this situation. You may do more harm than good.

Your feelings about your sister's boyfriend are perfectly understandable. However, it is up to her who she sees - and if you let her know how you feel you will (whether you mean to or not) be trying to force her to choose between you.

My husband and I could not stand my daughter's boyfriend, but we respected her choice and made sure we did not try to persuade her to dump him. She was very much "in love" with him, and we wanted to make sure we didn't alienate her.

Her brother, however, could not do this. He told her how useless her boyfriend was, how he was wrong for her and so on. In the end, my son ended up saying something really really stupid. He told her that if she continue to see this guy, she couldn't see him (her brother) anymore. Guess who the lovestruck daughter chose? Yep, her boyfriend.

We made sure we watched out for our daughter, that she wasn't being abused or anything. She was very much in love and was quite happy. Then they decided to have a baby, and I really put away any hopes that she would "come to her senses". We continued to be supportive and loving.

Then they started talking about getting married. By now she was 22. They couldn't afford it, so they delayed by a year, and then when it came time to start planning I could see that my daughter was just not as... happy.. as a bride-to-be should be. At one point she picked up on something that I said - I forget exactly what - and reacted in a very strange way. I thought about what could make her react that way, and I realised that I must have said something which had resonated with some doubts she was having.

I spoke to her and explained that I had been surprised by her reaction, had thought about why she might react like that, and wondered if something I had said had struck a chord with her, and we talked about it. I reassured her that whatever she wanted to do was fine with us, and that whatever she decided, we would be there to support her.

A few weeks later she rang to tell us that she was leaving her boyfriend.

Of course my immediate reaction was to dance around the room shouting "woo hoo, thank goodness for that", but she didn't need that - and besides, I knew there was a chance that they might get back together again. So again we reassured her that whatever she did, whatever happened, we would be there for her. If they split that was fine; if she later changed her mind that would also be fine with us, and she should do whatever she felt was right.

The split was awful, and he was an incredible a**hole. Honestly, I could have killed him. But I kept my cool, we supported our daughter in everyway we could... and months later, when we knew they weren't going to get back together and she had had time to come to terms with the split, we started gradually to let her know how relieved we were.

I believe very strongly that we handled this in the right way, letting her decide. If our idiot son had not been so stupid, she would have come to the conclusion that her boyfriend was a useless idiot much sooner.... but she had been forced to choose, and love loves a bit of adversity. Because our son had gone on and on about the boyfriend, instead of seeing the faults she simply defended him and fell more "in love" with him.

The rift between my daughter and my son is still not healed.

Your sister needs you to be there for her, to look out for her, and to pick up the pieces if and when she decides to leave this guy.

If she doesn't leave the guy, and you have gone down the route of making your feelings plain, how is that going to work out? Family gatherings won't be too much fun, will they? She's not going to change her mind about her partner, just because you don't like him. The fact that she hasn't seen you for years will probably result in a "What the hell gives YOU the right to tell me how to live" response.

Sorry

MALICIOUS

Saturday, December 11, 2004 2:44 AM

Tethys!! Listen to Britchick for she knows of what she speaks! An extremely wise woman and I would like to hire her to give retroactive parenting lessons to my mother!

Mal-licious

Co-Holder of the Red Bell from Hell

UNICORN

Saturday, December 11, 2004 5:56 AM

I read most of the other replies to your post. (Sorry, Hazel, I didn't have time to read the extra long one you posted...)

Most of the replies seem to come from guys with messages like, 'Yeah, go for his kneecaps,' but I think that's a really bad idea.

It seems to me that you don't know this guy your sister is with. It also seems to me that you haven't made a huge effort in the past to be a part of her life (just from what you posted). As a female, if I were your sister, age nineteen, blinded (or not) by love, I'd probably feel like, "How dare you swoop in and out of my life whenever you feel like it and then tell me how I should live it? Screw you!" After all, it is her life, and no matter how much she is your sister, you don't own her.

I think you should try to get to know this guy. Reserve judgment. Yes, he should have kept his paws off at least until a couple of years ago, but she's of age now and there are rare cases where a relationship like this really is based on love, the real kind. My uncle, seven years older than my aunt, started dating her while she was in high school. They've been married forever.

Work under the principle of 'Keep your friends close and your enemies closer,' not because it's any of your business, but because you care about your sister and you want to make sure he's good to her. You might, grudgingly, like the guy.

There is no such thing as a weed.

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