Doctor Bernard was puzzled. He had spent over forty years treating and diagnosing patients in hospitals as sophisticated as the ones on Ariel and rudimentary as ones on the rim. He had worked with every major piece of diagnostic equipment and could even, if necessary, whip up his own batches of vaccines for run-of-the-mill diseases. However, now he was puzzled.
The fact was, there was no reason he could find that this seemingly healthy 23 year old girl should be lying unconscious on the table before him. The young Doctor Tam, who obviously loved her more than his own life, was smarter than just about anyone Bernie had ever met. The fact that he had been unable to diagnose her did not bode well. And the fact that Bernie couldn’t either could almost be likened to a death sentence.
They had run blood tests and neural tests; they had checked every bone, every muscle, every synapse for clues. They had even run brain scans thinking that maybe something had just snapped – but there was quite literally nothing.
Sure, there was a slightly raised temperature and her heart was beating a little more quickly than normal, but her breathing was regular and she showed no outward signs of trauma. So why couldn’t she wake up?
The doctor was just getting ready to go over the test results again, when he heard the doors brush open. “I told you boy, you …”
“I’m sorry to interrupt you, doctor,” Inara told him, standing uncertainly in the doorway. “But I was hoping I could sit with Kaylee for a while.”
Blushing at his mistake, Doctor Bernard crossed the room to Inara and pulled her inside. “Of course, dear. I apologize for my outburst, I thought you might be the ardent Dr. Tam.”
Inara smiled at the description, as she took a seat next to Kaylee’s bed, taking a hold of her hand. “Yes, he is quite determined, especially when he sets his mind to something.” Inara gazed down at Kaylee’s peaceful face and thought of how determined the young mechanic could be as well. “He loves Kaylee very much,” she said
A few little grammatical mistakes (using you're instead of your) and such, as well as spelling, but it's nothing major and doesn't interrupt the flow of the story.
An enjoyable read, thank God they've got a clue now as to what's going on, I just hope that Kaylee's okay! Post more soon!
Don't let Kaylee die! Simon won't know what to do with himself.
You can't take the sky from me
that was awesome. i hope you're going to finish fic. i have really enjoyed reading it.
excellent!
Of course, I'm going to finish it - I just have to find the time. More will come soon.
And, you silly people - how could I kill Kaylee? The thought makes me sad!
Thanks again!
favourite line:
“Time for a mad getaway.”
hehe, classic jayne.
b
My ONLY complaint is that it might help to have someone with a medical background beta some of the finer points. Airborne allergens are not in the blood, but the antibodies (created by the body to defend itself from foreign material) are in the blood. They adhere to the allergens creating a complex whereby other types of white blood cells ingest them and attempt to digest them. While the whole scene is plausible (to a degree), there are some finer points that could have really smoothed over and refined the descriptions.
The biggest inconsistency is that if there is a particular kind of wildlife that has that kind of effect on humans (and presumably other kinds of animals) it would make sense that it would have been identified by the people who live near it. Just like a stranger visiting my area came to me with a rash of small, weeping pustules, intense itching and a history of wandering around the forest I'd guess pretty quickly they brushed up against one of the poison plants (ivy, sumac or oak).
It's a minor point and a story already told. Just another way of possibly tweaking future stories (and to be honest, you'll have to get into really fine-tune tweaking... your writing is already exceptional and it would take a bit of effort to refine it more).
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