I know it sucks, but please read, its my first.
Parliament Member Atris Remtoya allowed himself a smile as he worked on his desk. His aide looked up quizzically. Remtoya never smiled. In fact, he had a reputation for never smiling, even when he was happy. If the aide knew the truth, his blood would have run cold. For you see, Atris was a strange man who had strange pleasures. He had been an alliance Torturer during the days of the War, and had taken delight in keeping people alive while causing them extreme pain. His prowess at extracting information had helped him win appointment to parliament. His smile widened as he thought of all the power he had held, and all the pain he caused. But as his thoughts moved up to the near present, his smile turned into a scowl. His aide quickly excused himself, muttering some excuse about needing to copy a report or something. He was right to do so. Seeing Remtoya in a fit of rage was not a needed experience. The anger inside Atris was not spontaneous; it had been fed by a fire. A fire that had started the day the police had come to his office to inform him and his compatriots that an investigation for covering up a disaster that had occurred on a colony. He had investigated himself, and the day he found out who had exposed him, who had destroyed his life and his career, he swore revenge. He would enact revenge on those who had exposed him. He swore on the death of his parents that he would make the crew of Serenity pay for what they had done to him!
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“Well, crew, I think that we’ve had enough time for self-recrimination,” said Captain Malcolm Reynolds in a firm voice, “We’ve been mourning Wash and Shepard for over three months. We the ship is in disrepair, we’re running out of money, and we need a job and some cash to re-establish ourselves. Now I want some options. We’ve waited too long, and I don’t want to see this ship as si shen space trash. Does anyone have any gorram ideas?
No one spoke for about thirty seconds, then Zoe, the first mate s
And I come unto thee with tidings and criticism! (But the fun "so you can improve" kind)
Slow doooowwnnnnn. Ya could'a split this into four parts, fleshed it out a little. You have the reader rushing through, wondering what the hell just happened in the last paragraph.
You were a -little- off on characterization. Mal was a little too eloquent, Inara insulted the ship (which she specifically said she loved in Out of Gas in the scene with Simon), I'm pretty darn sure Vera's a one of a kind gun...
Otherwise, nice plot! =D Little confusing, but coupled with the whole "fleshing it out" thing, it'd be quite shiny. (You're my opposite. I can't do plots worth shit.)
Also, Zoe was out of character a bit, when talking about Wash. She called Mal his name, instead of "Sir," and she seemed a bit more talkative than usual.
Otherwise, very good.
Oh, and what assignment did you have to do? Fanfiction for an assignment= good.
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