Dear Diary,

Do you know the works of Shan Yu? No? Neither do I but no matter how many people I ask they do not tell me. I think that they have not been bothered to read them either. I was thinking of starting a book club.

Today I torture three people but it did not relax me, I have been very bothered lately. My outgoings are more than my income because I have to keep on hiring henchmen. I must bill Mister Reynolds for two of them. He is pesky. Very pesky. His reputation is solid. Oh yes, I make sure of that. I tell everyone I knew that he was very pesky. Niska is not to be pestered with.

I am using a five step self-help book so that I might meet the real me. I have met so many other people’s true selves that I feel that I am missing something. After two weeks of no success I track down the man who wrote it but I find he could not help me either. I met the real him a day later and, let me assure you, he is not very interesting and did not really write the book.

Today I discover that someone has not properly washed Mister Spikey after I'd used him and I am not pleased. I give clear instruction to clean after every session but they do not listen! I cannot find the staff. That reminds me, find new housekeeper.

Tomorrow is new day, I have two robberies which I am very excited about. Tomorrow we branch out into stealing candy from babies, I find it to be very profitable.

If you fall into the wrong hands I will find you, Mister Diary. I assure you reputation with diaries is solid.