Blue Sun Room FICTION - GENERAL

Legacy 1:05, Timebomb

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Well, wouldn't you know it? Greyson finally gets some legitimate work, and something just have to come along and mess it up, don't it? Now, they've got to get their stories straight, or the Alliance will grind them into dust.

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2548    RATING: 10.0 (PG13)    SERIES: FIREFLY

Tweet

And the series, despite much disinterest, continues. You may have noticed I stopped putting in the legal stuff. Guess it's cause I know everybody else's figured that I don't own the rights to this fei-oo.

And give me feedback. I'm dying out here :-(

Timebomb

The light was harsh, its whiteness searing into Sylvia's eyes as the Alliance man paced up and down the length of the room, in front of the two-way mirror that undoubtably had a horde of people behind it.

She rubbed her temples with her thumbs, trying to work away some of the ruthless ache that had worked its way into them. Today had been a gao tsao duh day, with Legacy as the dog. She kneaded her brow with shackled hands, and watched as the man finally took a seat, letting a file-folder drop in front of him.

"You seem to have had an interesting day, miss Witherell," The man said in his most 'you can talk to me' voice. He leaned in close. "And as I see it, you all have quite a bit of explaining to do."

"Really?" she asked, glancing up into the burning light.

"Why don't you tell me what you know about yesterday's events, see if we can determine where the responsibility lies?"

She already knew where the responsibility was going to fall, but she started talking anyway.

<>

For some reason, being in a full ship made her feel damned uncomfortable. She was usually the first to welcome folk into her house when she was young, always in the heart of the crowd. But now, with the holds full of sundries and the bunks full of people, she felt like she was practically going out of her skin.

Her eyes stayed down, and she shuffled to the table. She could hear the loud conversation of those around her, but something else tickled at the background, like an earthspinner pushin' through under her feet. She glanced around. Everybody was too happy. Too alive. Weren't right.

Then again, nothing seemed to be entirely right since she laid eyes on that Elias. Her Elias. Two by two? Comin' in fours, then? Or just two abreast? And who was coming? Still, she couldn

Comments
Wednesday, 04 January 2006 00:35
you...you...
(still incoherent...damn it!)
brilliant.

still hooked, still reading.
ANONYMOUS
Saturday, 11 March 2006 02:32
While I've started reading this series behind when you're writing it, I will go ahead and take your call for feedback seriously, because there are a few things I've noticed for all of the chapters so far.

One: You have a lot of creativity here, therefore, I have to assume that when you use dialogue from Firefly/Serenity, you mean it to be a homage. For the reader, though, this can do two negative things: they are pulled out of your story by thinking about where they heard the dialogue before; and it makes your work seem less original. Similarly, try not to mimic situations - the shooting of Anne was staged very similarly to Dobson's shooting of Kaylee in the pilot.

Two: One of the things that makes Joss' shows move beyond "problem of the week" is that, even in the weaker episodes, there is a some development of the characters. Since you've created new characters, you'll have to work harder at this than if you wrote fanfic based on existing ones. More challenging, but also more rewarding for your talent.

Post Your Comments

You must log in to post comments.