Mal walked down from the bridge, chuckling about the marital squabble he was leaving behind. He was halfway down the ladder to his quarters when Kaylee appeared at the other end of the hall. "Cap'n," she said, drawing his attention to her. She hurried over, kneeling next to the hatch for his quarters and resting her chin on her knees. "He still ain't stopping."

"Still?" Mal said, rolling his eyes when the young engineer nodded. He sighed and came back up the ladder.

"It's makin' everyone real uncomfortable."

"Yeah, I'll bet," Mal muttered. "Where is he, the kitchen?"

Kaylee nodded.

Mal led the way, turning the corner and grimacing at what he saw.

Jayne was seated at the table, his huge workman's boots planted next to his plate. He was thumbing through a faded magazine and chomping on an apple. His legs, visible between the lace of the gown and the tops of his boots, were hairy and quite frankly off-putting. He sniffed, flipping a page of the magazine and scratching his belly.

The gown was yellow, the bodice covered with fine lace. It hung off the shoulders, straining against a frame three times the size it had been sewn for. Mal clapped his hands together and said, "All right, Jayne... enough's enough."

The mercenary looked up, arching an eyebrow and ignoring the bit of apple stuck on his bottom lip. "What?" he asked. "You said no feet on the table when we was eatin'. I'm the only one eatin', so..."

"You're the only one eatin' because you're scaring away everyone else on this boat. Job in Centurion was almost a week ago."

"Yeah."

"And I said it was your turn to wear the dress, since I wore it in Triumph."

Jayne nodded. "Right."

"So... it's been a week! You can take the dress off now!" He shifted from one foot to the other. "Quite frankly, it's gettin' a bit disturbing."

Jayne dropped his feet from the table, tossing his magazine aside and standing up. He took a staggered posture, looking like the galaxy's worse drag queen. He scratched his goatee with the back of his han