Blue Sun Room FICTION - DRAMA
Serenity Companions
Tuesday, July 5, 2005
How the companions in Mal's life brought him back.
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 2213 RATING: 8.0 (PG13) SERIES: FIREFLY
Comments
Tuesday, 05 July 2005 16:27
If you want us to read the story I am surprised you don't just post it here so we can just read it. Ali D
You can't take the sky from me
You can't take the sky from me
Wednesday, 06 July 2005 06:31
Vanekl-
Well I just finished reading all 120+ pages of your opus. As a quick aside, I think that might have been why you had issues posting here, the site has issues handling longer pieces (i.e. my stuff that's over 20 pages I usually post in two chunks).
Since I don't want to blow it for anyone, my comments will be necessarily vague. First and foremost, I really like the plot and themes you deal with here. So much so, that I was kind of disappointed that you didn't explore them further. I wanted to see more of River/Simon subplot. I also wanted to see more of the Wash/Zoe/Mal subplot developed.
Alex is a fascenating character, but she reads (at least for me) as being throughly unlikable. That's cool if that's your intent, but some how I don't think it is. I want to know more about her and the Protectorate (great name for that character by the way). Also, given the relative risks and results, all the other characters seem to go very easy on her.
Some of your other characterizations seem a bit off. Characters either divulge information to easily or seem over circumspect when approached. Inara and Book in particular read a bit strangely, though I ultimately liked what you did with them.
Your choice and use of music in the piece is brilliant. It almost read as Resvoir Dogs esque for me. It was very effective in either setting or irronically commenting on the mood of each scene.
Lastly, science/sci-fi rules play an interesting part in your piece. Sometimes they seem to be obeyed, sometimes disregarded. At othertimes its somewhat difficult to gage exactly what's happening due to your script format for writing.
In short (too late), I guess I would like to see this piece expanded and broken up into more digestable pieces, just so the reader gets a more fully fushed out view of what's happening.
Well I just finished reading all 120+ pages of your opus. As a quick aside, I think that might have been why you had issues posting here, the site has issues handling longer pieces (i.e. my stuff that's over 20 pages I usually post in two chunks).
Since I don't want to blow it for anyone, my comments will be necessarily vague. First and foremost, I really like the plot and themes you deal with here. So much so, that I was kind of disappointed that you didn't explore them further. I wanted to see more of River/Simon subplot. I also wanted to see more of the Wash/Zoe/Mal subplot developed.
Alex is a fascenating character, but she reads (at least for me) as being throughly unlikable. That's cool if that's your intent, but some how I don't think it is. I want to know more about her and the Protectorate (great name for that character by the way). Also, given the relative risks and results, all the other characters seem to go very easy on her.
Some of your other characterizations seem a bit off. Characters either divulge information to easily or seem over circumspect when approached. Inara and Book in particular read a bit strangely, though I ultimately liked what you did with them.
Your choice and use of music in the piece is brilliant. It almost read as Resvoir Dogs esque for me. It was very effective in either setting or irronically commenting on the mood of each scene.
Lastly, science/sci-fi rules play an interesting part in your piece. Sometimes they seem to be obeyed, sometimes disregarded. At othertimes its somewhat difficult to gage exactly what's happening due to your script format for writing.
In short (too late), I guess I would like to see this piece expanded and broken up into more digestable pieces, just so the reader gets a more fully fushed out view of what's happening.
ANONYMOUS
Wednesday, 06 July 2005 09:48
As far as the error I got, I think it's due to all the embedded HTML tags in the story.
Typically site administrators don't like people uploading text with code or markup tags because
they can be dangerous, so I didn't pursue my error with Fireflyfans.net.
I knew the story was long but I didn't realize it was 120 pages.
There's quite a bit of white space, and the dialog isn't
dense so maybe it wont scare off a lot of readers. The story was intended to be movie length
so it could be digested in one sitting. I understand reading it takes longer, however.
I've noticed that some people like to write subplots to the exclusion of the main plot.
That's not my style. I enjoy putting the whole package together, hopefully containing a
meaningful message or two. The subplots, however interesting, just serve the main plot
and unless I can turn them into a main plot in the next story my interest quickly changes.
Alex is a foil so I didn't expect her to come off totally likable,
though I am surprised you found her totally disagreeable. I liked writing for her;
I found her witty but misguided. She represented the 'cautionary tale' so she wasn't
meant to be totally likable, but I was trying to get her to be sympathetic.
I personally detest some of the things this character represented so that may have seeped through.
I had the hardest time writing Inara's character. By the time I finished the story
her arc had _completely_ changed, which partially explains why she doesn't come off
quite right. Thankfully, all the other character's plots settled down quickly and no major
changes had to be made to them. Inara was initially going to play the antagonist but Alex
stepped in to play that role. The additional character adds more depth to the Firefly "verse" and kept Inara's
character "clean."
I tried to let the music work the same way the loudspeaker music was used on M*A*S*H (the movie).
I consider the music another character in this story. Like you said, the music had something to say,
and it gave some of the characters a chance to express themselves, which I feel is important.
There was a lot of calculating done to account for the distances traveled and the time
expended, at least when the story was first cut. I had to make a number of assumptions.
1) Serenity could accelerate at up to 100 Gs, and 2) could travel
close to the speed of light. 3) The grav dampener was sufficient to
protect the crew against extreme acceleration.
Given these three assumptions it's possible to travel interstellar with minimal aging.
I also had to make an additional assumption for companions: the Guild employs biologically time-slowing drugs.
This assumption then allows a dramatic slowing in the appearance of aging
when located in a Newtonian framework, such as on a planet. I felt this assumption was reasonable since this ability
would give companions occupational advantages.
At the speed of light time literally stops. The only problem
is it's impossible to expend enough energy to even approach that barrier, but this is sci/fi and at
least in theory the physics embedded in the story are plausible. Haldeman's "Forever War" discusses
how space flight can seem to distort time, too. This was one of the messages I was trying to get
across since I think Firefly leans a little too heavily on space opera when it comes to the science
behind it. I understand Whedon's intent-- to make a character-driven show-- but I would have liked to
see a greater adherence or at least more explanation of the science/physics.
Characters on planets would age (much) faster while Mal had his boat
at full throttle. I had more exposition describing the physics behind the above assumptions but,
in the end,
I felt it slowed the story down so I took it out. (BTW, I felt the entire story got better the more
I cut. Whedon is the master at super-tight scripts, a lesson one day I hope to learn.)
I know what you mean about Book, at least in a couple of places his story didn't flow as
easily as the main characters. I thought his v
Typically site administrators don't like people uploading text with code or markup tags because
they can be dangerous, so I didn't pursue my error with Fireflyfans.net.
I knew the story was long but I didn't realize it was 120 pages.
There's quite a bit of white space, and the dialog isn't
dense so maybe it wont scare off a lot of readers. The story was intended to be movie length
so it could be digested in one sitting. I understand reading it takes longer, however.
I've noticed that some people like to write subplots to the exclusion of the main plot.
That's not my style. I enjoy putting the whole package together, hopefully containing a
meaningful message or two. The subplots, however interesting, just serve the main plot
and unless I can turn them into a main plot in the next story my interest quickly changes.
Alex is a foil so I didn't expect her to come off totally likable,
though I am surprised you found her totally disagreeable. I liked writing for her;
I found her witty but misguided. She represented the 'cautionary tale' so she wasn't
meant to be totally likable, but I was trying to get her to be sympathetic.
I personally detest some of the things this character represented so that may have seeped through.
I had the hardest time writing Inara's character. By the time I finished the story
her arc had _completely_ changed, which partially explains why she doesn't come off
quite right. Thankfully, all the other character's plots settled down quickly and no major
changes had to be made to them. Inara was initially going to play the antagonist but Alex
stepped in to play that role. The additional character adds more depth to the Firefly "verse" and kept Inara's
character "clean."
I tried to let the music work the same way the loudspeaker music was used on M*A*S*H (the movie).
I consider the music another character in this story. Like you said, the music had something to say,
and it gave some of the characters a chance to express themselves, which I feel is important.
There was a lot of calculating done to account for the distances traveled and the time
expended, at least when the story was first cut. I had to make a number of assumptions.
1) Serenity could accelerate at up to 100 Gs, and 2) could travel
close to the speed of light. 3) The grav dampener was sufficient to
protect the crew against extreme acceleration.
Given these three assumptions it's possible to travel interstellar with minimal aging.
I also had to make an additional assumption for companions: the Guild employs biologically time-slowing drugs.
This assumption then allows a dramatic slowing in the appearance of aging
when located in a Newtonian framework, such as on a planet. I felt this assumption was reasonable since this ability
would give companions occupational advantages.
At the speed of light time literally stops. The only problem
is it's impossible to expend enough energy to even approach that barrier, but this is sci/fi and at
least in theory the physics embedded in the story are plausible. Haldeman's "Forever War" discusses
how space flight can seem to distort time, too. This was one of the messages I was trying to get
across since I think Firefly leans a little too heavily on space opera when it comes to the science
behind it. I understand Whedon's intent-- to make a character-driven show-- but I would have liked to
see a greater adherence or at least more explanation of the science/physics.
Characters on planets would age (much) faster while Mal had his boat
at full throttle. I had more exposition describing the physics behind the above assumptions but,
in the end,
I felt it slowed the story down so I took it out. (BTW, I felt the entire story got better the more
I cut. Whedon is the master at super-tight scripts, a lesson one day I hope to learn.)
I know what you mean about Book, at least in a couple of places his story didn't flow as
easily as the main characters. I thought his v
Friday, 08 July 2005 10:23
Due to popular demand, I've reformatted some of the scenes to make them easier to follow.
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